my otherhalf is have counselling and has not told me

studentgirl_2

Evening all.

Iv just found out that my DH is having counselling and has chosen not to tell me, i simply dont understand. I thought everything was ok. I cant sleep. I dont want to ask him about it as I looked at his work email ( not like that ) I used ebay and the conformation is sent there. There was an email from the counc rearranging the appointment, and a return one with him thanking her for all of the support she has given him. I feel so betrayed as I thought that we were open and upfront with each other. What do i do ask him or simply wait for him to tell me.

seven-day-weekend

Maybe they have not told you as they would rather discuss the issues with the Counsellor and would feel that they could not if you knew as well.

Thwere is nothing wrong with wanting to discuss things with an unbiased stranger for whom there is no emotional attachement. It is sometimes much easier than discussing it with loved ones.

JBD

This might be unrelated to your relationship. Perhaps he has other problems that he feels he needs professional help with. Try not to take it personally, it doesn't need to reflect badly on you or your relationship.

LeeSouthEast

I haven't told my OH about my counselling either. It's not related to her (it's a work-related incident) and she'd only worry about me, and I don't want her to worry unncessarily.

Chill out.

old_motters

If he hasn't told you he doesn't believe it has anything to do with your or want to worry you with it. He's doing the man thing and has made a decision to deal with his problems on his own. That doesn't make it right, but that's the decision he's made.

It's up to you whether you love him enough to accept his decision. But I don't think you'll achieve anything by confronting him.

pigpen

Maybe he is embarrassed and thinks you would thinkof him as a 'failure' if he told you.. maybe that is how he sees himself..

Just be gentle with him, he is obviously having a rough time or he wouldn't have gone in for this.. it isn't like he is having an affair.. he is sorting out a problem in his life and trying not to worry you because he cares about you.

You could try giving him a hug and saying you weren't prying but noticed the email and you are pleased he is seeking help with whatever it is that is hurting him but he can talk to you.. and if he wants to talk you can listen. Possibly add you are a bit shocked he feels he couldn't talk to you about this but that it is ok for him not to.

Bufger

I think you should just be there for him, its not like he's cheating on you behind your back - hes seeking help and once he feels better he'll probably be all round happier and more alert which will benefit you and your household.

Just relax and be glad that hes the kind of guy that does notice when somethings wrong and actively seeks to fix it. Alot of people bottle it up and let it turn sour

Primrose

I think you'll have to accept that either the counselling issue is related to you in some way and your boyfriend wants some independent counsel to help him sort it out in his own mind, or the issue is in no way related to your relationship and he wants to deal with it privately in his own way. He may resolve the issue and still not tell you about it, and although it must feel hurtful to feel excluded in this way, he may have his own reasons for non disclosure.

Don't pressure him. Even in a relationship we all have the right to our own private mental space for resolving some things as all those close to us will have their own personal agenda which is not always helpful and can sometimes just confuse the issue even more. Just be there for him and give him the space he needs.

peachyprice

Have you any idea what the counselling is for?

It could be something to do with work, his childhood, his general outlook on life. Perhaps he hasn't told you because it's nothing to do with your relationship and something he just has to sort for himself.

He's obviously reached a point in his life where he needs to deal with issues he has but maybe he doesn't have the strength yet to share them with you.

All you can do is offer your love and support and be there for him and not let it effect your relationship. It's difficult when people keep a part of themselves from you, but he must have his reasons, just don't make the mistake of forcing him to talk about it until he is ready.

belfastgirl23

I think you need to tell him that you've seen the email. It was a genuine mistake and it's understandable that you're concerned. So why not just mention to him that you saw it and say that you're feeling a little unsettled about why he hasn't mentioned it to you. You don't need to go very much further than this, see does he say anything or not. Maybe he's been trying to find the right time to talk to you about it and will be relieved to finally get it out in the open. Either way at least you'll have lost the guilt of knowing something and keeping it from him. But I agree with the others, don't push him to tell you stuff he isn't ready to go into detail on, and make it clear to him that you aren't expecting him to do this.

I don't think you can 'ignore' that you've seen it, he'll eventually notice something is up and you don't want it to come out in a row...

miss_independent

I'm in a position where I want to have counselling due to issues from my childhood which are continuing to affect me in my adult life and I do not want anyone to know about it. I know that there are people in my life who would be hurt or offended or even betrayed that I was talking to someone else about my past but honestly, I cannot talk to my family about it - the truth is I need someone to fall apart with who will not be scared or upset or feel guilty - someone totally impartial who is used to people having to have held things in for many years. It isn't any reflection on you, he probably doesn't want to worry or upset you. If the shoe was on the other foot I would feel worried and perhaps hurt that someone I loved and shared my life with felt unable to share something with me so I can understand how you feel. Perhaps like he has secrets from you? But as someone in his position I can tell you I would not want to burden someone I loved with the pain I have from what happened to me as a kid. For a long time I thought meeting a man and falling in love would make up for all the hurt I experienced but the truth was it is still here until I deal with it and it isn't fair for me to expect a man to have to make up for something he didn't do. Perhaps your OH is feeling like that?