It just hit me last night...

Spendless

My eldest was the 'terror'. A friend who'd also had her 'terror' first told me the next would be a doddle in comparison, and she was but it was still hard work because the more demanding child was the walking/talking getting into mischief one!

Gingham_Ribbon

pigpen wrote: »

I never bothered with presents from new siblings.. why does the baby have to 'buy' their siblings love? The whole idea seemed wrong..

I agree that a present is not necessary, but it's certainly not about buying love, any more than any other gift is.

It's a way of making the child feel special, when most people are coming round with gifts and cuddles for the baby. Not all visitors remember to make a fuss of the older one in their haste to coo over the new arrival. My eldest held on to his toy from his brother the whole time. It wasn't necessary, but I do think it was a lovely gesture.

When he realised it must have been us that bought it, he thought that was wonderful too, and very funny!

Bufger

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

I agree that a present is not necessary, but it's certainly not about buying love, any more than any other gift is.

It's a way of making the child feel special, when most people are coming round with gifts and cuddles for the baby. Not all visitors remember to make a fuss of the older one in their haste to coo over the new arrival. My eldest held on to his toy from his brother the whole time. It wasn't necessary, but I do think it was a lovely gesture.

When he realised it must have been us that bought it, he thought that was wonderful too, and very funny!

hahaha. Did you get any funny questions like 'how did baby go looking for the present?'. The best bit about young kids are the silly/funny questions and statements and when they slowly start to realise something (you can see the hamster turning in the wheel) and they start to laugh. Brilliant

Person_one

I heard a psychologist talking about the effect of a new sibling on a toddler. His tip was to imagine that one day your spouse came home with another partner, announced that he/she was going to be living with you from now on and they would be dividing their time equally between their two partners, but don't worry or be jealous, they still love you, they love you both equally!

That's kind of how it feels for a small child who has always been the centre of their parents world when a sibling arrives!

I'm not a parent, but I can tell you how my parents handled it after doing a lot of research and reading, and my brother and I have always had a better and closer relationship than any other siblings I know.

- When the older child comes to visit Mummy in hospital, put the baby in the cot and ignore it until the older child requests to see it. Make the visit about how much Mummy has missed older child and older child telling mummy all their news.

- Don't allow visitors in the house without a sincere promise that they will greet the older child first and show more interest in them than the new baby. All visitors who bring a present for the baby should also bring one for the older child, keep a stash of spare presents just in case they don't. An only child will be used to seeing brightly wrapped gifts coming into the house only for them and will be confused and upset at the sudden change. Yes its important to teach children that they aren't entitled to presents and can't alway be the centre of attention, but this lesson can wait until its not at the expense of a good sibling relationship.

Gingham_Ribbon

Bufger wrote: »

and when they slowly start to realise something (you can see the hamster turning in the wheel) and they start to laugh. Brilliant

I agree! I don't remember him asking how the baby got the gift. I think it was after a friend had a baby and he realised that gift couldn't have been from the newborn and it twigged that his train couldn't have been either.

Gingham_Ribbon

Person_one wrote: »

Yes its important to teach children that they aren't entitled to presents and can't alway be the centre of attention, but this lesson can wait until its not at the expense of a good sibling relationship.

Absolutely fantastic advice Person one.

pigpen

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

I agree that a present is not necessary, but it's certainly not about buying love, any more than any other gift is.

It is if you are 3!

I love that person best because I like the toy they got me most!

baby presents are for mummy anyway.. baby's cannot open gifts.

I banned visitors anyway.. Can't be bothered with false sentiment and people coming to moan and then poke the baby then you don't see them again until the baptism! OK so maybe I am a teeny tiny bit unsociable too!

I don't actually recall getting gifts for any baby other than DD1 (child #2).. and maybe 1 or 2 things for DS1.. And I hate stuffed toys!

LJM

it is so much harder making the jump from no kids to 1, from 1 onwards it gets easier you will find that it all just slots into place may be a few hiccups to begin with but you will soon settle into a routine

Gingham_Ribbon

pigpen wrote: »

It is if you are 3!

I love that person best because I like the toy they got me most!

Happy to agree to disagree. That's not our experience at all.

galvanizersbaby

pigpen wrote: »

It is if you are 3!

I love that person best because I like the toy they got me most!

baby presents are for mummy anyway.. baby's cannot open gifts.

I banned visitors anyway.. Can't be bothered with false sentiment and people coming to moan and then poke the baby then you don't see them again until the baptism! OK so maybe I am a teeny tiny bit unsociable too!

I don't actually recall getting gifts for any baby other than DD1 (child #2).. and maybe 1 or 2 things for DS1.. And I hate stuffed toys!

Perhaps the fact that you banned visitors contributed to the lack of baby gifts?! lol!

I wasn't best pleased with seeing the sort of general visitors you get after having a baby but wouldn't include my nearest and dearest friends and family in that.:)

When DD came along DS was 18 months and I don't recall too many problems with jealously - they now get along as well as can be expected for a 7 year old boy and 6 year old girl that have totally different interests and personalities

I had a C section with DD and the only probs I can recall was with picking DS up in the early days - I brought a big boy step for him to get himself in to the bath because I couldn't lift him in.

It was hard work with the 2 of them in the early days and I would say that DS did miss out on a bit of attention possibly down to the fact that DD was very demanding from the start but we managed ok - he has always been a happy little fella and doesn't seem to have suffered any ill effects.

I recall him coming in to our room the first morning DD was at home with us (he would jump out of his cot at this age :eek:) and he ran in excited to see 'baby' - anyway she woke up and started screaming her head off which was a bit scary (to him and me both) but we calmed her down.
The next day he crept in and said 'sssh mummy don't wake baby' so he learnt quite quickly - he hated the noise of her crying but after a while he took it in his stride.