It just hit me last night...

neneromanova

...In 18 weeks I'm going to be a mother of 2 - and bricking it! I'm quite worried from going from 1 child to 2...I know people cope and you "just do" but was there anything you wish you'd known before that you know now?

I know about buying DD a present from Bump when it's born. and to allow DD and mummy time away from baby, but what else is there?

OH seems to think it'll be fine and a second child won't make a difference. He said he'll be here to help. I mentioned that yes, he would for the first 2 weeks, then it's up to me during the day while he's away at work *rollseyes*

Gingham_Ribbon

A couple of points -

It's worth asking people to talk to your toddler first before cooing over the baby. Small thing that makes a big difference.

I could never bath the baby and the toddler together on my own. If your partner gets home at a reasonable time, maybe getting into the habit of doing it together would be easier - or bathing the kids seperately. The toddler can help bath the baby. If there had been room, I'd have put the baby in a bouncy chair in the bathroom while bathing the older one.

But you'll find your own way and it won't be as difficult as you think! It's flippin hard at first, especially when you're getting no sleep. But it passes quickly and when they start playing with each other and occupying themselves, you won't remember why you were worried!

Alleycat

Well, we're three weeks into having two children and DH is back at work today, eek! He works 12 hour shifts so is up at 5am and out the door by 6am. He then won't get in until around 8pm so a long day for us both. It's been quite manic as it has been the easter holidays for the last two weeks but fortunately DH has been here to help and we have fantastic friends and family who have taken DD out for the day here and there so she hasn't had to be stuck in the house too much.

It has sometimes been quite hard as DS is constantly feeding in the late afternoon/early evening when it is our dinner time and getting DD ready for bed but we have managed and she has adapted to it all so well. I think it helps though that she is 5 and so we can explain things to her and she understands. She loves babies (especially her new brother!) though so that has also helped.

The advice I have been given has to be super organised i.e. getting school bag, breakfast things, clothes etc ready the night before to save on the usual morning mad dash and I intend to just whip DS out of his moses basket straight into the pram for the school run in the morning rather than try and get him dressed. I also have a sling which has been invaluable. It has meant that when DS is grouchy and doesn't want to be put down, I can still get dinner ready, get things for DD and eat dinner together as a family.

You can still have plenty of cuddles with the older one just with one more person joining in the snuggle! I also make sure that I have a good old cuddle and chat with DD when DS is sleeping or DH has him.

jcr16

don't worry, the hardest part of being a mummy is going from no babies to one rather than 1 to 2 because you feel more confidant. you know more about what your doing. my dd was 18m when my son was born and i worried. but it was so easy. when my 3rd child was born i then had 3 children 4 and under and i have to say that was easier than having the 2. they just seemed to slot in together

i found it easy bathing the two at same time but prepation is the key. i would take everything into bathroom needed inculidng the bouncy chair for baby. see to my dd get her in the beth then after she had 5 mins or so i would put my son in. then when he done i'd get him out get him dressed etc and put him in his bouncy chair so i could see to my dd.

if i had to be out early in morning hubby would assist with dressing if needed or feeding.

once you get into a routine it is a breeze. i found it took about 3-4 weeks to get a good routine established.

i agree with the seeing to older child first before baby. when my 3rd child was born my son as 2.5 years. he struggled with new baby in house at first.so we would ask visitors to talk to ryan first and give him some attention then when he went off and played he wasn't fussed how much attention was given to baby.

my biggest tip is just to enjoy it and not to worry, take it as it comes. we've been very lucky and have 3 excellent sleepers since a very young age. but boy if they wake in the night now becuase it so rare it completely knocks us for six.but i've learnt just have to take it im my stride.

cooking easy meals or meals which you can portion up for freezer is excellent becuase u then know you always have a healthy proper meal just minutes away.

And if someone offers to do your ironing or hoovering then take them up on it.

Gingham_Ribbon

Something else I've remembered that might be useful. I always said, 'There's always room for 2 on mummy's knee' and I worked out how to feed the baby with both of them cuddling in. I'm sure it helped prevent resentment or jealousy.

Now, we know a few babies and our youngest will sometimes say, 'there's always room for 2 on mummy's knee' and he'll sit up with the baby if he feels like he needs to, usually only for a minute.

pigpen

I never bothered with presents from new siblings.. why does the baby have to 'buy' their siblings love? The whole idea seemed wrong.

DS1 loved DD1 so much we were never allowed time away from her.. he would have stayed off nursery to be with her if he could have. Baby is part of everyones life forever why would you make time away from them? I NEVER had time away from any of mine and they are all very close (apart from DD2 hates DS3.. ) I think that would be more likely to encourage the older one wanting MORE 1-2-1 time which is unrealistic.

One thing I did always make sure I did was greet the older ones first.. then take them over and introduce them to THEIR baby brother/sister. I would ask them if they thought they would do/look nice/etc.. NEVER force them to look at or hold the baby.. it is a usurper after all.. just gently encourage ask if they would like a cuddle/hold hand/stroke face etc.. then ask them to do little jobs.. passing nappies was something to be argued over in our house! And holding feet while I cleaned t'other end.

I think it is more important to involve the older one in what you are doing.. asking them to help you/baby by passing things over and helping dress baby.. even if it is just fastening one button on a cardy.

Baby's don't need to be bathed every day so just bath it when hubby is there on a weekend.. more than often enough.. older one can be bathed during naps.. or in our case.. while baby screamed hysterically in the crib... mine LIKED to scream, she did it for 6 months solid, then progressed to 12 hours days of screaming until she was 3.

I second the having people acknowledge the older one first.. and don't let people say 'can I steal baby?' to him.. that is cruel and they do get very upset! I would encourage my older ones to tell the person peering in the pushchair about the baby.. what their name was, if they were 'good' (like a baby has the capacity to be 'bad') etc..

In 13ish weeks I'm going to be a mother of 9.. I've done this a fair bit lol

They just slip into the family routine like nice sensible beings.. unless you allow them to disrupt everything. I would occasionally 'forget' about the baby until they cried because they were usually so quiet/undemanding and just forgettable.. their naps soon adapted to fit in around school runs and bed times.. it took maybe 2-3 weeks usually.

I also feel it depends 100% on the type of baby you get and how demanding DD is now.. it is very difficult to assess until you have them both right there. I have honestly never had a problem wih any of mine being integrated into the family.. just be chilled about it.. make a big big deal out of being a big sister.. which is great if you are a big sister and can relate stories of what fun you had with your siblings.

Jo_R_2

Agree with a couple of things definitely that have been said, giving the older one attention first, and that you somehow slot into a routine which happened without me realising and still stressing about fitting into a routine LOL!

I found the transition easier from 1 to 2 than from 0 to 1 simply because the baby has to fit into the older one's routine. I also think having that to focus on really helps organise you.

Things will go to pot quite a lot but make sure you fully expect this and don't feel disappointed, just put it down to life and for the first few weeks muddle through the best you can - I found being able to cook dinner was quite an achievement at times between feeding and soothing a crying baby!:D

One of the most helpful things anyone did for me was when my 3rd was born, my sister filled up loads of individual portioned trays with servings of veggie lasagne, chilli and whatnot. It was a godsend I swear for those first few days/weeks, we chucked them in the freezer and used them instead of cooking a proper meal when we were really tired. If anyone asks what they can do, cooking is always a good one!

Spendless

I found 2 kids more than double the work of 1, so I'd say get organised now. What age gap will you have between them? As that might make a difference to what people suggest.

Agutka

Eek, I've only got a week to go and I worry about doing it wrong. Joseph is 2.5 and has absolutely no idea what's coming. He just refuses to openly acknowledge anything is going on. What's in Mummy's belly. Nothing. Do you want a baby brother. Blank.
I have trained him (ignored him enough more like) to be able to play on his own, so he's not terribly demanding. Till it all changes next week. I'm scared of being left on my own with them both. I'm scared for my mental state :eek:.

Thankfully it's nearly summer, so it must be easier to get out and about and keep J active. As long as I can get him to behave....unlikely...

clairec79

I don't really remember there being much difference going from 1 to 2 (or 2 to 3), dd1 used to sit next to me often on the sofa when I fed baby and read a book (she would turn the pages) or just watch a kids programme with her.

Didn't do presents (well the first thing she asked on seeing her sister was for breakfast so she did get toast) with any of them and won't this time either.

2nd or more babies just fit in with life

neneromanova

DD is going to be 2yrs 5 months when baby is born. She seems interested in my belly. We see if she wants to stroke my belly and she says baby and points to my belly. We ask if she want's a brother or sister which she says sister, but we think it's whatever word sounds best at the time She's a very independant girl which is good. And we've never really had a problem at all. She's never tried to run off or try to be naughty. She's a really good girl. I'm just betting the next child will be the complete opposite which will be great. lol.