Some opinions please on a seperation and a mortgage?!

HappyGirl_2

Dear Lisa

This is my first post but I am just coming out of a very similar situation. Firstly I'm sorry to hear about your bf, men can be pigs sometimes :mad: I know exactly what you are going through and the panic you are feeling right now. You are on the right track by not simply hiding away from the whole situation as many people do so well done. I think you should speak to a financial advisor and see what advice they can provide. It's also important to speak to your Dad and make him aware of the full amount of debt that you have as a problem shared is a problem halved. I spent the first 2 months after my partner left crying myself to sleep at night with worry because I was too frightened to own up to my parents about the full situation. It was such a relief when I finally told them after speaking to a financial advisor and they were able to support me through it.

The important thing is to stay on speaking terms with your ex you don't need to be his friend but as they say keep the enemy close Lawyers can be very expensive and time consuming and if you can agree what you want to do between you then that's the best way forward.

You need to work out the exact financial position when he left. Are the credit cards in your name only and did you only use these for the house etc. Half this debt has contributed to the value of your home you shouldn't make any decisions about the house until you have spoken to a lawyer (try the citizens advice) he could actually end up owing you :rotfl:

Above all keep your chin up and look after yourself. Your ex will just need to wait until your ready to discuss the house as he has not given you a chance to work this out in your own head. You will come out this stronger than you went in.

You will be amazed over the next few months where you can save cash when you never thought you could live on such a little amount.

lisal0u

HappyGirl wrote: »

Dear Lisa

This is my first post but I am just coming out of a very similar situation. Firstly I'm sorry to hear about your bf, men can be pigs sometimes :mad: I know exactly what you are going through and the panic you are feeling right now.

You are right they really can be pigs and thats putting it politely!

You are on the right track by not simply hiding away from the whole situation as many people do so well done. I think you should speak to a financial advisor and see what advice they can provide. It's also important to speak to your Dad and make him aware of the full amount of debt that you have as a problem shared is a problem halved. I spent the first 2 months after my partner left crying myself to sleep at night with worry because I was too frightened to own up to my parents about the full situation. It was such a relief when I finally told them after speaking to a financial advisor and they were able to support me through it.

Its almost 3 months since it happened and its time to take action! I have told my Dad all about my debts and I have an appointment with the bank tomorrow at 1pm. Im not hopefull they will be able to help but it cant hurt to ask!

The important thing is to stay on speaking terms with your ex you don't need to be his friend but as they say keep the enemy close Lawyers can be very expensive and time consuming and if you can agree what you want to do between you then that's the best way forward.

Were not really on speaking terms at the minute! Now he has a new woman he has being getting in contact via friends! Im ignoring this as I dont want all my friends knowing every detail of whats going on, its private and personal! I have seen a lawyer (free half hour) so I know where I stand legally!

You need to work out the exact financial position when he left. Are the credit cards in your name only and did you only use these for the house etc. Half this debt has contributed to the value of your home you shouldn't make any decisions about the house until you have spoken to a lawyer (try the citizens advice) he could actually end up owing you :rotfl:

When we were talking we went through all our bank/credit card statements and worked out what each of us has spent. He's actually spent more than me so the debts on my credit card are mine

Above all keep your chin up and look after yourself. Your ex will just need to wait until your ready to discuss the house as he has not given you a chance to work this out in your own head. You will come out this stronger than you went in.

You will be amazed over the next few months where you can save cash when you never thought you could live on such a little amount.

Thankyou for your advice! Its nice to hear from people in the know and those in a similar situation! Can I be cheeky and ask how you have/are sorting out things?

Lisa

HappyGirl_2

I just typed you a private message, took me an hour and then it deleted itself just as I hit send :mad:. Will update you tomorrow night.

lellow_lorry

Sign over and start again.....your outgoings make it totally unworkable on your own. On e Q i do have is £700 for mortgage?? based on what? guessing on about what you paid for it..a mortgage for 100k would mean an APR of 8.4% ..is this right? Or is it just you cut the years to pay down? If you want to take it on, one option would be to extend the years(25 would/should bring your mortgage repayment to around 450-500 on 5.5% for 100k.) Good luck

lisal0u

lellow_lorry wrote: »

Sign over and start again.....your outgoings make it totally unworkable on your own. On e Q i do have is £700 for mortgage?? based on what? guessing on about what you paid for it..a mortgage for 100k would mean an APR of 8.4% ..is this right? Or is it just you cut the years to pay down? If you want to take it on, one option would be to extend the years(25 would/should bring your mortgage repayment to around 450-500 on 5.5% for 100k.) Good luck

Hi,

The £700 is the mortgage. We borrowed £106k at 6.1% over 25 years. We only needed to put a £3k deposit down.

Im talking to the bank in an hour so hopefully they can give me a few options. Its all too stressfull at the minute

lisal0u

Update post meeting with the bank...

They were quite helpfull but only because it will make them a lot more money I guess!

They suggested that I could extend the mortgage by 9 years saving £80/month (not a lot for 9 years extra interest) and go interest only for a year. That would save me a total of £250. By November two of my debts will be paid off saving me another £325 so a total of £575. I need £505 extra to afford the house on my own so Id have £70/month spare. If I got a lodger this could be £375. And a second job would make me even better off.

Now does this seem do-able to you? Or am I playing with fire? Also I would need to convince the other half to keep paying half the mortgage till November and his name will have to stay on the deeds so there are a lot of uncertanties!

My next job is to ring up the credit card companies and see if any of them will reduce the interest, cant hurt to ask! The bank told me that I would struggle to get help reducing interest as I havent missed any payments so to them I am not struggling financially.

Need to also look for a second job!

goldengirl28

Hi LisalOu

Simular situation to albeit a few years ago

i bought my first house with my boyfiend and it lasted about 3 years.

i was in a simular situation to you for a year (till met Hubby)

I got a second job working at mecca bingo and also hanging up coats in a nightclub, got a lodger (one of my mates) and spent very little on anything else other than the house & bills and getting to work and back (mum used to give me a food box, to help out a bit........she was a god send)

to get him off my back remortgage to give him half the equity and he took all the living room furniture (sat on boxes for months)

good luck with everything, if you want it enough there are options and some of the advise on here has been spot on

get the CC rung and see what they say, i'm sure they would want to be preventive rather than wait until you get into a mess and then offer to help.........i would hope so

lisal0u

Thanks goldengirl!

Its nice to know people do get through this, seems hard to imagine it when youre stuck in the middle of it!

As soon as I get home I will be on to the credit card companies!

I dont know if its worth talking to a financial advisor or a debt charity too?!

We havent really got a lot of things to split up but I dont know what to do with the things we have. He wants the tv (we paid half and I cant afford a new one), the PC (Mine) and would like to take one of the sofas (He paid for them both). Whats fair?

Lisa

goldengirl28

why don't you negotiate the telly for the mortgage payments?

get on freecycle/ebay and pick one up on there as a stop-gap (don't tell him)

if you lose the settee's you can get things from ebay & freecycle.......what you need to consider is to get the extra mort payments whats his bargaining point

i lost both settee's the tv, a bed, some drawers and a wardrobe, didn't have a computer or that type of thing (think it was video days ).........gosh to say it was so long ago i remember explicitly

lisal0u

Right, Ive spoken to the ex tonight.

I told him what the bank said and that I wouldnt be in a financial position to go solo untill November.

He has agreed to pay half the mortgage untill November and the remaining kitchen payments.

He has said he would still like the PC, tv and one sofa. Im a bit miffed to let the tv go as its a good one! I have a 21" flat screen that I can use! Would it be pushing it to suggests he has that one and I keep the better tv?

He has asked if he can have his deposit back (£3k). Not really sure what to do about this one. If there was no equity and we sold he wouldnt get it back. I dont have the money available to give him it! I just said I would see what I could do but couldnt promise anything.

Goldengirl - I think I will remember every detail of this whole thing too! I hope Im not dragging up too many horrible memories for you! It will certainly make me think before buying with someone again unless I'm married!

HappyGirl - How annoying that it deleted your message, thank you for going to so much effort for me