Pay off mortgage and start having fun!

AlexLK

Cruise sounds good.

I understand re. teenagers / parents. I wasn't close to mine at all, though didn't really have a close relationship throughout childhood. Definitely have a much closer relationship now than we've ever had. I, on the other hand, have dedicated a lot of time and effort to parenting. Already I am starting to see my son becoming more independent and wanting to spend time with friends / my cousin and her family. I suppose this is good and shows he is developing his social skills. However, I find it difficult (probably because I have practically zero social skills ).

newgirly

You have a while to go yet Alex before he starts avoiding you and becoming a hermit in his bedroom and plenty of time to plan fabulous things to do and places to go when he is off to uni or has left home

Thanks the madvix, I've just realised its the same weekend we are going to a new posh gastro pub belonging to a famous chef up the road that's juts opened, we are going with best friend and her dh and had to book months in advance , then we are off to another pub to a friend's of theirs birthday do, where he has hired five eighties bands to play. I think I would be too embarrassed to cancel, so am taking it as a sign we shouldn't go. I will still be on the look out for other offers though......

Flipping credit card statement still not produced, nationwide shows on my online page it will be created on the 1st April, it still isn't there and this happens every month :mad: it's fustrating when you try to plan ahead.

themadvix

As Alex says, it's very noble of your DH, but I hope it's a very short-term plan - working for such long hours will be taking a huge toll on his health Agree you definitely need a break - will the weekend doing those other bits afford him that or will he end up going in around them (and thereby make himself even more exhausted)? If you need to go away for him to physically stop and relax, then I think it's important you do it - even if it's a cheapy caravan break 50 miles away (although cruise sounds infinitely preferable! )

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

You have a while to go yet Alex before he starts avoiding you and becoming a hermit in his bedroom and plenty of time to plan fabulous things to do and places to go when he is off to uni or has left home

I cannot believe how quickly the last 2 years have gone though. I still miss him being at home during school hours.

As for planning things when he's gone to uni / left home I don't want to think about it. I don't have much desire to do things for me other than trying to keep busy to avoid getting ill. Will just have even more time to occupy myself to try to stop suicidal thoughts. :j Yes, I'm really looking forward to that.

newgirly

themadvix wrote: »

As Alex says, it's very noble of your DH, but I hope it's a very short-term plan - working for such long hours will be taking a huge toll on his health Agree you definitely need a break - will the weekend doing those other bits afford him that or will he end up going in around them (and thereby make himself even more exhausted)? If you need to go away for him to physically stop and relax, then I think it's important you do it - even if it's a cheapy caravan break 50 miles away (although cruise sounds infinitely preferable! )

It is short term, it's a government job we normal have 6 months to do but they want it done in a month basically (the first half anyway) we can't say no as they will go elsewhere even though we have had the contract for decades on the plus side, the it help get the mortgage to clear the loan on the factory and then put wages back up hopefully.

We do have a couple of nights away at the ended of this month to York courtesy of my parents :beer: There is possibly not much point in taking dh away until the whole of the big job is done , followed by catching up with all normal work, he really won't relax leaving a stack of work behind

Hi Alex, sorry to hear you talk like that. Forgive me but it does sound like you have already decided you will be unhappy years in advance

AlexLK

Go elsewhere and not come back, potentially. After reading this, I think he's probably doing the right thing to keep the contract. Though, I'm sure there's alternatives - staff overtime etc. rather than working the hours he does. Ultimately, it's his (and yours as a family) decision.

Have you been to York before? It's a fantastic place and I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

I'm not really sure I know how to be happy without my son. He takes practically all my free time either doing things together, planning lessons / activities, playing music, walking or horse riding. I really like this because the less time sat around thinking the better for me.

newgirly

If only it was as simple as staff overtime - they are still on a four day week from when we had no work last year, but are working way more hours than that, they know we need to get the mortgage or potentially we are out otherwise (secured loan ends April next year) These are men that dh has worked with since he was 15 and are friends as well as coworkers, they are as loyal as it's possible to get, but they know that dh will do everything to keep their jobs and get them more money when he can.

Hopefully Alex you won't ever be without your son, not in the real sense anyway. But it's a bit harsh on your wife if you are only happy when you are with your ds? I see what a great dad you are and how much you love your ds, but it doesn't my have to be at the expense of your own pursuits. Perhaps you will feel better when you start in September?

Yes I've been to York but it was many years ago

themadvix

Glad to hear it is short term NG, but York sounds like a good idea. I think it's lovely that your DH and the rest of the company are such a 'family' - it sounds like a truly old-fashioned, caring business. I hope it all works out.

I second Alex's comments about York. DH and I went there in January for my birthday weekend and it was lovely. Lots of shops though - be warned!

Alex, I agree with NG - focus on the here and now (I know I'm massively guilty of overthinking things, so I know how hard it is not to look to the future, but it isn't healthy). Enjoy every day with your son while he's this age, but make time for yourself and your wife too - that relationship should be the most important one in your family (and I've been reading your thread recently, so I know this might not be that easy!).

AlexLK

Some of your reasons re. staff are why my parents have always said do not employ friends!

I hadn't really considered my views as being harsh on my wife. I suppose I think that if something happened to me, she'd easily find someone else and forget about me. Whereas my son has one father.

newgirly

Trust me Alex, they are doing way more for us at the moment than we are doing for them, working many hours unpaid -but it's done on a basis of trust and they know we will repay that I'm the future. (He has proved this in the past) it's not the same as employing friends in a situation where one may take advantage of the other as dh has a good respect for them and half of therm have been working there longer than him.

Re your wife , I would be really hurt of my dh dismissed how I felt about him thinking I'd just move on to somebody else :eek: by the sounds of it your wife thinks a great deal about you and has stuck by you through tough times, give her a bit more credit than that

Hi the madvix, glad you enjoyed York I shall be going in plenty of shops no doubt thanks for your comments about the business, it is an unusual set up, it's a small business that's being going since 1895 and is a trade that's dying out with very few other company's left trading, its a miracle we are still gong really- the flip side is with less competeion here is more work I guess. The association for the trade actual wound up after well over 100 years last December , dh was the last president , so sad but times move on I guess.