Sorry but it's me posting again, lol

Person_one

Ilovecubbage wrote: »

I am sorry I had to post on this one. It seems like you haven`t been married very long and your child is very young, marriage is a very hard work , but it is worthy doing it. Give and take.
Hope you don`t mind me questioning your divorce, but is it realy necessary? Could you just forgive this person you hold the bitter fealings of resentment?
I don`t know what happened between you two, non of mine business too, but can you not recover this.
Children need fathers and stability after all. Like I said I don`t know what the problem is , but these days everbody rushes to get devorce and they sem to regretit later, just think about it more , that`s all.

Hope you find a comforting resolution to you trouble.

Have you read the OP's previous posts? I for one think she is far better off without this 'man', however hard things get.

gingin_2

Sorry to hear your troubles mumof1, you sound like a fab parent and I am sure in a few years time, you will look back and say it was hard but worth every minute.

I have to agree re. the grandmother. She doesn't need him overnight, children at that age need a strong routine and this won't help but letting her entertain him for one day a week might be a good thing, especially if baby no.2 is on it's way. Can you form a good relationship with her independently from ex-OH and can you open up to her with regards to your worries?

mumof1and1ontheway

I do get on with her, but its hard for her not to side with her son, so when baby is here she will be welcome round to see baby etc, but not for too long at a time.

daska

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

I have been looking at childminders for 1 day a week to socialise DS and prepare him, but ex MIL said shed rather have him for a day.

Socialisation is very important, he'll be at school before you know it! this is where you have to focus on his needs and your own - and it's no lie that if your needs are not met, he will suffer. But your ex MIL already has contact and she can negotiate more with her son, if he's ending contact early then it sounds like he might be relieved to have less pressure put on him.

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

I am still undecided about delivery.. all I can think and worry about is everyone else. I cant put myself first and I am getting depressed over it all. I wish I had a back bone and could be nasty for a chance as life would be so much easier. But instead I over analyse every little details.

You've still got a while to make up your mind, deal with the here and now first.

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

My midwife isnt even aware I am going through divorce etc, every appt I mean to bring it up but get such a feeling of shame that I dont. I had a midwife appointment yesterday and the midwife was lovely.. but I dont know... I just felt so rubbish.

Ring up and leave her a message? Drop her a note? That way she'll know without you having to vocalise it in her presence. Midwives see all sorts from pregnant schoolgirls to ahem 'older' parents in all sorts of relationships. If she thinks any the worse of you for this then that is highly unprofessional of her. She is employed to ensure your pregnancy goes smoothly and your emotional health is just one responsibility.

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

I phoned a HV last week asking about having my son weighed... and did want to ask for help.. but I worry that if I ask for help or struggle this will be seen that I cannot cope and then the ex will be given full custody or something. My mind is a mess, I am unable to even think straight to be able to plan for the future. I need to scream or cry or something. And yes I am very worried about PND as I suffered from this when my son was born, and it took me a good 6 months to recover.

I attempted suicide when DS2 was about 8 months old. The HV and GP apologised to me for not seeing how badly I was coping. You're going through a huge change, both physically and emotionally, you're body is under stress. GET HELP NOW!

mumof1and1ontheway

I have her mobile number,wpuldnt really want to ring her. I may drop a text message outlining things.

OAP1945

OP I can only speak from "outside" this is your life and only you can live it.
Please take any "honest" help you can get, from friends, MV, H V, if you think that the babies grand mother can help and is putting the children first take her help in both hands. I have a friend ,her son was not the best!!!, she made a point of ignoring every "grown up" problem, argument, and eventual divorce, and put her grand children first. She was there for the children even after the DIL re married. She sat in the front pew last year as her grand daughter got married. If the children come first thats all you need. HTH

pigpen

A text would be a great idea.. just put in you are going through divorce and finding things a bit tough and can she offer an support.. as has been said.. they have seen far far worse than you!

The grandmother is not automaticaly granted anything so you can say no.. especially if she is going to be looking after DS one day a week.. that is way more than reasonable.

2 nights a week at dads.. wow.. my ex moans about 2 nights a fortnight!! That is fair enough and he is very young (ds not ex) and will very quickly adapt. I think i would be more concerned about him meeting a string of GF's and what kind of people they are.

If you are bf that means ex can pick up after 1 feed and bring baby back before th enxt.. unless you are intending to formula feed in which case it won't be an issue.. but I would not be wanting him coming round for a few hours at a time to bond with the baby.. if he was that interested he should have kept pop-up Peter in his pants in the first place!

When my friend divorced the judge said he would not expect her to allow their son to stay overnight until he had fully weaned.. his dad had lost interest long before then! I think this depends a lot on the type of advice/counsel and where it ends up.

If you were anywhere near me (which noone ever is!) I would gladly become a pest in your life! ..

It willwork out but you must put your foot down and start putting yourself and the children first.. Sod ex and MIL.. they are grown up and should act like it.. if you don't want him to stay away 3 nights say no it is too much.. chacnes are when dad realises it isn't all fun and games he might not be so keen on 2 nights either!

mumof1and1ontheway

Well he has already introduced DS to his recent gf and had him stay over there with him which worried me, but I decided to give him the trust to look after his son properly as he has never not looked after him iygwim. I will text the midwife in the morning and she what she says.

gratefulforhelp_2

Honey, hugs and love to you and your family.

You don't need to worry about MIL's contact, as others have said, just refer her to your son, he is having contact, MIL is his problem.

She is putting unnecessary pressure on you, you are pregnant, and they are being pretty selfish.

If you don't want to discuss this with her/him, ask them to write you a note rather than call or text and then you have it all written down and can take your time to respond.

All those nights away from you could be very disruptive for the LO.

mumof1and1ontheway

I have text the midwife so will await a call. Have told mil she can have DS overnight once a month maybe, but no more. And I have told the ex he can wait in the waiting room at the birth and see baby as soon as he is born, but that he cannot be in the room while I deliver etc.
Going to sit down and try and think things through in a positive way rather than getting upset.