Sorry but it's me posting again, lol

Person_one

Norbertsmum wrote: »

To play devils advocate...... 6 nights away from dad is probably not in a childs best interests either.

I'm sorry you are in this position OP and hope you find a way through the problems that makes everyone happy xx

The 3rd night would be with Grandma, not dad according to the OP.

I'm not sure how your comment is helpful to the OP who has stated she is already struggling with feelings of guilt and trying to please everybody else. I'm sure raising her children as a single mum wasn't the original plan.

jackieglasgow

Norbertsmum wrote: »

To play devils advocate...... 6 nights away from dad is probably not in a childs best interests either.

I'm sorry you are in this position OP and hope you find a way through the problems that makes everyone happy xx

Come off it! Have you read OPs original posts? She hasn't chosen life as a single parent. There is no playing Devils Advocate in your comment, IMO it was unnecessary!

gill_81uk

If you're letting your ex-MIL have him one day a week then I see no reason for her having him one night a week to stay over as well - it sounds as though you are being more than fair in allowing her to keep contact going.

I wouldn't want my 20 month old (not that I have one just yet!) staying away from me one night a week at either set of grandparents.

jackieglasgow

OP you need to speak to your health visitor, they are not going to snatch your children away from your for putting your hands up and asking for the help you need, and deserve. Perhaps she could also suggest counselling, which you may find some strength from to deal with the people in your life, the way you want to.

You know if you need help, we will be here for you, but sometimes you need to step forward and ask for help, and that's a sign of strength, not weakness. Call her tomorrow. Call her now and leave a message, just say its'......Jaidens mum, I'm really struggling at the moment and would like your help and advice, can you call me please? She will know what to do.

mumof1and1ontheway

gill atm she only gets to see him if my sons dad allows him to whilst in his care. I have told her she is more than welcome to drop by and see him, but tbh its still all a bit raw for both of us and I feel that she hears things one sided from her son which makes it a little harder for me to be in her company for too long and chat like we used to.. as I am always watching what I say.

I get the impression that from that side of the family it is now turned the tables, and is perseaved as if I am rolling in money on income support and getting child benefit for my son, and that I have an easy life because I have my son most of the time and am seen as in control iygwim. When it is far from the truth. I am struggling with mounds of debt that are piling up higher and higher and am left to deal with my sons clingy behaviour. Not like I mind dealing with it, but I feel asthough all the hard work I am putting in to ensure he has my attention all the time, and me taking him out as much as I can whilst absolutely exhausted from pregnancy and sleepless nights is overlooked.. and that instead it is replaced by feeling sorry for the ex because he doesnt get to see his child as much as he used to. And tbh I say to him weekly that if he ever wants to take his son out for an extra day I would have no problem with that. But infact most weeks he will drop him off an hour or 2 early. I feel at a loss whichever way I turn and whatever I suggest for the good of it.

kipskabin

Is there no chance of saving the relationship? Have you tried any form of counselling?

GEEGEE8

Could grandma not have the little one for a day, but not at night time? Then you get time to sort yourself and the baby out, and still know he is coming home in the evening?
Or otherwise, I think dad should arrange something with his mother regarding time to see the child.
You sound like you are doing all you can, try to relax and think more of what you do have rather than the issues that are going on.. i know it's never that easy.. but you sound like a very caring mum and i'm sure you will do great

mumof1and1ontheway

Kips there is no chance at all. He is now in his 3rd relationship since we split end of December. And when we speak all he speaks about is how bad his life is, how skint he is, how he cannot afford food etc. And basically moans about the world. In my eyes if he cannot even see things for how they are, and be grateful that he has a son.. who he has contact with, and see my efforts so far such as allowing him to scans and keeping him fully informed every step of the way with both children... then I have proven to myself that he would never change. Yes it is feeling impossible atm to be a single mother, but I would rather die trying than be in an unhappy relationship causing unhappyness for my kids. This way they wont see arguments or mummy depressed every single day.

Ilovecubbage

I am sorry I had to post on this one. It seems like you haven`t been married very long and your child is very young, marriage is a very hard work , but it is worthy doing it. Give and take.
Hope you don`t mind me questioning your divorce, but is it realy necessary? Could you just forgive this person you hold the bitter fealings of resentment?
I don`t know what happened between you two, non of mine business too, but can you not recover this.
Children need fathers and stability after all. Like I said I don`t know what the problem is , but these days everbody rushes to get devorce and they sem to regretit later, just think about it more , that`s all.

Hope you find a comforting resolution to you trouble.

jackieglasgow

Read the OP's previous posts. It would be very difficult for her to restart the relationship, people don't just choose to walk away from marriages for no reason, and "fathers and stability" don't necessarily go hand in hand!