Long Distance Relationship

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

euronorris wrote: »

11 months for us. Which is still fairly quick in my eyes, but it was reaching the point where one of us had to make a move, or we would split.

But, OH actually first asked just 2 months in. Then freaked out when I didn't immediately jump for joy. But we talked, and then decided we would definitely do it after about 8 months together. The next 3 months were spent securing a job, a flat etc etc. I couldn't officially move in with OH at first as the landlady wouldn't allow another tenant (although, I did stay at 'his' place all the time). She only changed her mind after meeting me a few times and so we officially lived together after my first 6 months in the country and ever since.

Are you in a LDR now mommyme? Are you looking to move in, or has your OH suggested it? Just trying to understand better, what your concerns are, so I can offer better info/advice.

Officially I've been on a few dates with one of my friends who lives 300 miles away and I'm just curious as to whether these things work - a lot of my girls are telling me to look more local as they dont last and i dont want to lose a friend if it goes pear shaped

minerva_windsong

I've been in a long distance relationship for coming up on two years in June - I met my boyfriend at uni and when he graduated he moved back down to London as he was the year above me. The setup has continued through me graduating and moving home, although the plan is that when I eventually get a job in London I'll move in with him, but obviously that could be in a matter of weeks or it could be more like a year.

We normally see each other every couple of weeks and it is always me that goes to him for various reasons - more to do, the fact he's living with flatmates whereas I still live at home etc. He does very generously offer to pay for half my train fare as I am doing all the travelling though.

It is hard work at times but in a way it's good because when we are together we do actually do things rather than just sit around which I suspect we might end up doing if we saw each other a lot, so making that effort is good.

euronorris

mommyme wrote: »

Officially I've been on a few dates with one of my friends who lives 300 miles away and I'm just curious as to whether these things work - a lot of my girls are telling me to look more local as they dont last and i dont want to lose a friend if it goes pear shaped

OK, well, as with all relationships, it may go pear shaped and it may not.

If you are both willing to work hard at it though, and are compatible, there shouldn't be any reason why it won't work.

However, I won't sugar coat it, long distance relationships can be very hard! You miss each other and a slight disagreement can turn into a full blown argument, if you're not careful, because you're both angry at the situation and not being able to see each other.

There are, of course, positives, but you really have to decide whether you are willing and able to put up with the hard stuff, being apart often etc etc.

Also, you have to consider whether you would be willing to move if things became more serious? Would he? If not, then you can either choose to keep it casual, or go your separate ways now.

Ultimately though, it can be very rewarding and gives you both a chance for regular weekends away from home. Providing you both drive, that is.

Oh, and do what you want, not what your friends want. One of my friends was very sceptical of our relationship to begin with, and told me to find someone local etc etc, but all I knew was that I really liked this guy, and he liked me and he wasn't playing any games, so I just had to give it a chance. She came around after a few months, but none of my friends or family took it that seriously, until I announced the move! lol

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Hope you dont mind but have sent you a quick PM euronorris x

euronorris

I've seen it and replied, no problem. x

anotherginger

LDRs are hard work, but I'd rather be with my OH than not! We've been together about 2.5 years, doing long distance Ireland-GB, so it's not even as easy as popping in the car at the weekend.

We are pretty organised about getting flights arranged, and it usually works out we see each other every 3 weeks, usually for longer than a weekend. Sometimes this can be difficult as my OH works sunday-friday.

It's very easy to have major arguments over nothing, because you don't get the same interaction over the phone. Keep relaxed about the situation and remember that neither person really wants to be long distance, its just the situation you're in.

It's great when we see each other, and for me, i think it makes me appreciate the time we spend together more.

Someday we'll be in the fortunate situation of living together, but at the minute we're both in jobs that we like and neither of us are tied to a particular location.

myothercarisaferrari

me:D although we are on a break for 6 months whilst he goes to Afghanistan

He's based in Germany though, so was roughly seeing him one a month xx

tinksy

I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years and Im married to him now! we met at uni and spent the next two years having a long distance relationship over the long summers. First year i think we saw each other every month second year was every other weekend. Then we lived together full time from september 08 to june 09. Then i moved back home in june 2009 and hubby moved back down with me in september 09. we saw each other every weekend. Then i had him at home til january this year and since then he has been training away and apart from one weekend I've seen him every weekend. He is now coming back for 5 weeks and then is off for 5 weeks solid. Then back for a week then off for three weeks solid. Then he should be home for good! I love him and wouldnt change him for the world but it is hard. The bit we have found hard is socialising as we have moved to a new area near where his job will be based but havent settled yet as he has been off and about so much!

lostinrates

My husband works in London through the week: I live about 2 hours away. Before that he worked in Milan, before that we lived together, and never thought we'd stand being apart. We've been together almost 7 years, coming up to fifth wedding anniversary.

There are minuses: the obvious physical separation; that our joint social life suffers a little, that its expensive to see each other and the costs of living in two places, not one. It doesn't work if you are not trusting and trusted.

They are pluses: every Friday I have butterflies in my tummy all day and when I see him I feel like a teenager in love, its all consuming, still, but Fridays..they are unbelievably exciting for me. I have gone back to having some feminine mystique- which matters to me more than him. we really value every second of the weekend. The ability to maintain and individual life, without making a choice. And after he has been out with ''the lads'' I don't sleep next to someone smelling of pub.

Skype became very important, as does a good mobile rate . And emailing. we text each other every morning/every night, or phone: our first and last communication of the day is with each other.

I would most certainly not go out of my way for a long distance relationship, but the right relationship is worth being in, where ever you both are ATM.

sparrer

We've been in our relationship for 8 years, and live 6000 miles apart. We both have commitments to elderly relatives so see each other approx 3 times a year for a few days. We presumed that one day we wouldn't have those commitments but he's just been diagnosed with a terminal illness so he won't be coming to UK any more...