Family Feud - would love your opinion - LONG..

Bufger

custardy wrote: »

you dont need to defend your decision
its a decision only you can make at the time
once its done its done
my OH is always moaning i should contact my father as he is now(in her words) a grandfather
i have no interest in any contact for my reasons and thats reason enough

Yep, we're in the same boat. OH's dad left her when she was 12 and paid no maintenance and took no interest in her whatsoever. I asked if she wanted to invite him to our wedding - nope. Asked if she wanted to tell him he would be a grandfather - nope. Its completely up to the person in the family there at the time. I would definately make that same decision and i wouldnt expect anyone to question my moral standards and i dont think anyone should be questioning the OPs.

Strapped

sticky23 wrote: »

But wasn't this a blood relative - and a very close one at that?

My half-sister had hardly any contact with my mother for fifteen years... That's slightly more than several...

And there were other reasons for not informing her...

Both me and my sister felt that half-sister would possibly cause a scene (based on previous behaviour). And on what was arguably the hardest day of our lives, we just felt that we couldn't deal with that. I'm sure my mother wouldn't have wanted that..

You don't have to explain yourself to me or anyone - just stating how I see things.

I'm not sure why people get so hung up on the "blood" relative thing, and there does seem to be something in the posts, that you stress she is your half sister. But from your OP, it seems that she lived with your mother and father for a year as a child or teen, that your dad died when she was 20 and she kept contact with your mother for a further 10 years or so (presumably as you were living at home then). She may have wanted to pay her respects, even if she hadn't been in recent contact.

Anyway, it's all a moot point and hopefully you'll both just steer clear of each other from now on rather than keep tit-for-tat hurting each other.

maryotuam

I would e-mail back and say that it is sad that you and her were unable to have a close relationship despite sharing the same Dad and you are sorry for the misunderstandings you both experienced. Tell her you wish her well but you think it would be best to leave things as they stand, with each of you giving the other space to get on with their lives.

Any negative response to that would prove that she was stuck emotionally in the past, angry that her Dad had walked out on her.

sticky23

Strapped wrote: »

I'm not sure why people get so hung up on the "blood" relative thing, and there does seem to be something in the posts, that you stress she is your half sister.

I just want to make clear that I use the term half-sister here to clarify things. If I wrote "I didn't tell my sister, that my mother died..", I'm sure I would get some quite different replies (and rightly so).

However, I don't think it would be odd, if I struggled to call someone who told me I wasn't part of her immediate family (when I regarded her as such), and then didn't contact me for 15 years, sister...

amersall

custardy wrote: »

well i suggest you do as i do and cut off all contact with those members of your 'family' who you feel arent worth it
i only have sporadic contact with 2 cousins and through them their mum and dad

wholeheartedly agree with this, thank god you can choose your friends.

amersall

sticky23 wrote: »

I just want to make clear that I use the term half-sister here to clarify things. If I wrote "I didn't tell my sister, that my mother died..", I'm sure I would get some quite different replies (and rightly so).

However, I don't think it would be odd, if I struggled to call someone who told me I wasn't part of her immediate family (when I regarded her as such), and then didn't contact me for 15 years, sister...

ignore her, i would, and just for the record i would have done just what you did xx

p-pincher

At the end of the day nothing can be changed about the past, christenings, confimations funerals etc. There could well be blame on both sides. I think you need to think about whether you want any kind of relationship with you half sister in the future. If you dont ignore the email if you do answer the email and put your side accross. Maybe too much time has passed and certain things cant be/wont be resolved but only you can answer that.