Family Feud - would love your opinion - LONG..

Strapped

Bufger wrote: »

Wasnt informed of a death that was of no blood relative that she hadnt have contact with. Would you want to know if your Ex dies in 15 years time?

I guess you're going to say 'well i would have liked the choice' but the choice was made for her on the basis that she had no contact for 15 years and obviously wasnt that bothered in life so why would she be in death?

Eh? This was the sister's step-mother.

DKLS

Bufger wrote: »

Would you want to know if your Ex dies in 15 years time?

I definitely would want to know, not to go to the funeral, but to crack open that bottle of champers I have had laid down especially for the day when I hear the good news.

Bufger

DKLS wrote: »

I definitely would want to know, not to go to the funeral, but to crack open that bottle of champers I have had laid down especially for the day when I hear the good news.

:rotfl:

as soon as i hit submit i knew someone would answer with this!

sticky23

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Sticky, I wasn't having a go, honest! I think it's fair enough that you've had no contact with them, the relationship sounds way to messed up to be healthy for anyone. I'm the last one to talk, I don't speak to my own parents because of effed up stuff. I just meant that, as in most of these types of disagreements, there is blame on both sides. I do honestly think you should simply steer clear without arguing back in any way.

Thanks, I wasn't offended at all. I tend to agree; I must have done something to offend her - but before this funeral thing happened, I honestly have no idea what that could have been.

sticky23

January20 wrote: »

Sticky, I don't see why some posters are having a go at you about not telling your 1/2 sister about your mother's death. I can perfectly understand that at such a painful time, you didn't want anybody there that would make thing even more difficult. You mother was not her mother. And they had no contact. So what is the problem?

On the question of the confirmation, I would not be comfortable being invited to a family occasion as important as that by a 13 year old child! And I would be pretty cross if I was the child's mother and said child invited someone I didn't want there! Again, what is difficult to understand about that?

As for the email, just ignore it. You have given your 1/2 siblings their due. You don't have a relationship with them. To me it sounds like 1/2 sister is trying to pick up a fight so be the sensible one and don't reply. Nothing good can possibly come out of it!

Thanks.. Not just for agreeing with me, but for articulating what I couldn't...

jackieglasgow

Erm, being born? Stuffing up the chances of her mammy and daddy getting back together? Getting to live with her daddy when she only had him part time? Who knows how children's minds work, but unfortunately, sometimes the things which get stuck in their heads as children, especially if their parents haven't managed something very well, end up rotting their brains in adulthood. Best to steer well clear and get on with the family you do love.

sticky23

Strapped wrote: »

That's exactly what I was thinking. I was very surprised when my step-daughter turned up to my mother-in-law's funeral, when she had not been to see her for several years when she was alive - but of course we had made sure she was informed of her death and when the funeral was.

But wasn't this a blood relative - and a very close one at that?

My half-sister had hardly any contact with my mother for fifteen years... That's slightly more than several...

And there were other reasons for not informing her...

Both me and my sister felt that half-sister would possibly cause a scene (based on previous behaviour). And on what was arguably the hardest day of our lives, we just felt that we couldn't deal with that. I'm sure my mother wouldn't have wanted that..

jackieglasgow

I absolutely agree that you shouldn't have invited her to the funeral, and she has no right to question this. She was not your mother's daughter, you mother did not raise her, and she was not in contact. Not someone who was a priority for notification, and you're right, losing a parent and dealing with that is difficult enough without having to deal with someone who doesn't make your life easy, at the same time!

custardy

sticky23 wrote: »

But wasn't this a blood relative - and a very close one at that?

My half-sister had hardly any contact with my mother for fifteen years... That's slightly more than several...

And there were other reasons for not informing her...

Both me and my sister felt that half-sister would possibly cause a scene (based on previous behaviour). And on what was arguably the hardest day of our lives, we just felt that we couldn't deal with that. I'm sure my mother wouldn't have wanted that..

you dont need to defend your decision
its a decision only you can make at the time
once its done its done
my OH is always moaning i should contact my father as he is now(in her words) a grandfather
i have no interest in any contact for my reasons and thats reason enough

McKneff

Bufger wrote: »

Wasnt informed of a death that was of no blood relative that she hadnt have contact with. Would you want to know if your Ex dies in 15 years time?

I guess you're going to say 'well i would have liked the choice' but the choice was made for her on the basis that she had no contact for 15 years and obviously wasnt that bothered in life so why would she be in death?

Yes, i would want to know.
He would have been a person i had loved at one point enough to marry
and he would be the fathe of my children. Contact or not.
So yes, i would have expeced to have been informed but probably not have attended a funeral unless my children needed me for support.