Family Feud - would love your opinion - LONG..

sticky23

Kimitatsu wrote: »

Maybe inviting you to the confirmation was the attempt to build a bridge? 15 years is a long time and evryone changes in that time - perhaps your step sister felt that she had treated you badly or just wanted to make amends and start to rebuild the relationship?

Regardless of whether you believe she had had contact or not, the death of a parent is always a defining moment and everyone should be allowed to say goodbye and have closure on that event if they so wish. You have not given her that opportunity, so I can understand that she is very upset.

This is a very emotive time, it is the point where all of you realise that you dont have parents to fall back on you only have yourselves. So why not start with an apology if you want to repair bridges and allow her to do the same?

Just to make it clear. It wasn't her parent.... My mum was her step-mother 25 years ago; my step-sister had very little interest in my mother while she was alive... Part of the story is that my step-sister was incredibly cruel to my mother, but that's a whole other story!!

jackieglasgow

TBH she sounds like a bit of an 4rse, and you aren't exactly covering yourself in glory either. It's a shame you haven't had a good relationship, but there's no point perpetuating it, either. Don't reply, put her on block as previously advised, and get on with your life. Don't look back any more. Your mother is gone, you have a good relationship with your other sister (I don't sgree with all this half nonsense), focus on keeping that one healthy, and move forward.

ETA I've just realised that you keep referring to the brother as brother, but the sister as half, that gives a strong indication of why the relationship hasn't worked for either of you, as if there has been some sort of reticence to accept each other. What a shame. But as I said, let it go and move on.

custardy

well i suggest you do as i do and cut off all contact with those members of your 'family' who you feel arent worth it
i only have sporadic contact with 2 cousins and through them their mum and dad

sticky23

jackieglasgow wrote: »

TBH she sounds like a bit of an 4rse, and you aren't exactly covering yourself in glory either. It's a shame you haven't had a good relationship, but there's no point perpetuating it, either. Don't reply, put her on block as previously advised, and get on with your life. Don't look back any more. Your mother is gone, you have a good relationship with your other sister (I don't sgree with all this half nonsense), focus on keeping that one healthy, and move forward.

ETA I've just realised that you keep referring to the brother as brother, but the sister as half, that gives a strong indication of why the relationship hasn't worked for either of you, as if there has been some sort of reticence to accept each other. What a shame. But as I said, let it go and move on.

I know I'm not covering myself in glory - I've obviously made mistakes, and I've been quite open about my actions. But that's what families do - they bring out the worst in us all. Incidently at the time of the funeral, no-one I talked to about this (including the priest, the undertaker, and older members of my family), thought they should be invited.

I have no contact with my brother - he hasn't contacted me in 15 years either. I agree that this half-brother/sister is nonsense. As mentioned, I regard my other sister as my sister unconditionally, and up until I was told that I wasn't part of their close family, I regarded my eldest sister and brother in the same way. I was only 20 years old at the time, and yes, maybe I should have reacted in a different way. Maybe I should have insisted in keeping in contact, and trying to forge some kind of relationship, but I see family as a two-way thing. For almost 15 years, neither of them wanted to keep in contact with me...

Bufger

sticky23 wrote: »

I know I'm not covering myself in glory - I've obviously made mistakes, and I've been quite open about my actions. But that's what families do - they bring out the worst in us all. Incidently at the time of the funeral, no-one I talked to about this (including the priest, the undertaker, and older members of my family), thought they should be invited.

I have no contact with my brother - he hasn't contacted me in 15 years either. I agree that this half-brother/sister is nonsense. As mentioned, I regard my other sister as my sister unconditionally, and up until I was told that I wasn't part of their close family, I regarded my eldest sister and brother in the same way. I was only 20 years old at the time, and yes, maybe I should have reacted in a different way. Maybe I should have insisted in keeping in contact, and trying to forge some kind of relationship, but I see family as a two-way thing. For almost 15 years, neither of them wanted to keep in contact with me...

I look at it this way - the people worth knowing are the ones willing to put in the effort.

They obviously havent made an effort in the relationship so they're not worth knowing. This method works for friends and family. I'll always invite people on nights out or to family parties etc and if they cant make it thats fine but there is a limit to the amount of times i will ask and after that its up to them to make the next effort. if they dont then i never hear from them again (unless they are in need most of the time! oh the suprise).

Its a heartless way to approach it but ive found it very useful. I have loads of good friends and a close (albeit small) loving family that are willing to put just as much effort in to the relationship.

McKneff

Since when have people had to be invited to funerals.
Once your informed of a death you either go or you dont. (if indeed you are given the choice, which this lady was not)
The point i am trying to make is that sis was not informed of the death, thats cruel in my opinion and nasty because it was a deliberate act.

You all seem to be much of a muchness to me.

Bufger

McKneff wrote: »

Since when have people had to be invited to funerals.
Once your informed of a death you either go or you dont. (if indeed you are given the choice, which this lady was not)
The point i am trying to make is that sis was not informed of the death, thats cruel in my opinion and nasty because it was a deliberate act.

You all seem to be much of a muchness to me.

Wasnt informed of a death that was of no blood relative that she hadnt have contact with. Would you want to know if your Ex dies in 15 years time?

I guess you're going to say 'well i would have liked the choice' but the choice was made for her on the basis that she had no contact for 15 years and obviously wasnt that bothered in life so why would she be in death?

jackieglasgow

Sticky, I wasn't having a go, honest! I think it's fair enough that you've had no contact with them, the relationship sounds way to messed up to be healthy for anyone. I'm the last one to talk, I don't speak to my own parents because of effed up stuff. I just meant that, as in most of these types of disagreements, there is blame on both sides. I do honestly think you should simply steer clear without arguing back in any way.

Strapped

McKneff wrote: »

Since when have people had to be invited to funerals.
Once your informed of a death you either go or you dont. (if indeed you are given the choice, which this lady was not)
The point i am trying to make is that sis was not informed of the death, thats cruel in my opinion and nasty because it was a deliberate act.

You all seem to be much of a muchness to me.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I was very surprised when my step-daughter turned up to my mother-in-law's funeral, when she had not been to see her for several years when she was alive - but of course we had made sure she was informed of her death and when the funeral was.

January20

Sticky, I don't see why some posters are having a go at you about not telling your 1/2 sister about your mother's death. I can perfectly understand that at such a painful time, you didn't want anybody there that would make thing even more difficult. You mother was not her mother. And they had no contact. So what is the problem?

On the question of the confirmation, I would not be comfortable being invited to a family occasion as important as that by a 13 year old child! And I would be pretty cross if I was the child's mother and said child invited someone I didn't want there! Again, what is difficult to understand about that?

As for the email, just ignore it. You have given your 1/2 siblings their due. You don't have a relationship with them. To me it sounds like 1/2 sister is trying to pick up a fight so be the sensible one and don't reply. Nothing good can possibly come out of it!