No regard for others

railgrid

MsDee wrote: »

Stick to your guns and pity those that think its cool and hilarious to sh&g around - STI's, pregnancies, messed up emotions etc etc.

What does Mum say railgrid? Does he listen to and respect her?

Mum knows what he's like, admits to me that she knows he only cares about himself etc, however I think she's frightened to say anything as he'll scream and shout. She's very laid back. She wont insist on rent from him as he has a car, insurance, mobile to pay for and isn't earning great money, while I pay her rent etc. I keep nagging her to get money from him when he gets paid, though she just seas he hasnt got any as he had to pay for xyz. He's got money to party and drink all weekend though... Mum sees me as 'taking over the mans role'. I wish I didn't care so much, as taking over the mans role gets you nowhere apart from being walked over.

MsDee

railgrid wrote: »

Mum knows what he's like, admits to me that she knows he only cares about himself etc, however I think she's frightened to say anything as he'll scream and shout. She's very laid back. She wont insist on rent from him as he has a car, insurance, mobile to pay for and isn't earning great money, while I pay her rent etc. I keep nagging her to get money from him when he gets paid, though she just seas he hasnt got any as he had to pay for xyz. He's got money to party and drink all weekend though... Mum sees me as 'taking over the mans role'. I wish I didn't care so much, as taking over the mans role gets you nowhere apart from being walked over.

It's important that Mum understands the difference between being 'laid back' and having her son blatantly take the pi$$ out of her!!!!!!

Him not paying rent is insulting, and exactly as you say manages to find the money to drink and party all weekend.

Railgrid - it saddens me to say this, but this an excellent example of the prodigal son - you - Mr Reliable and Dependable takes over the mans role, and probably doesn't get thanked or appreciated for it.

Brother gets away with murder and has an easy life etc etc.

The only thing I can say my dear, before my eyes fall asleep is there is something called karma, stay strong to yourself and think about moving out, MUM has to stop this and if she is not prepared to, then as sad as it is I have little sympathy for her.

Life is short, you shouldn't have to spend in an environment that is not making you happy it's time for you to start thinking about number one - YOU!!!!

piglet6

railgrid wrote: »

Piglet6 - I agree with everything you said. She is seen as the '!!!!!!' while he is seen as the 'stud'. Most of his friends and a lot of our family think he's the 'cool' one for sleeping with random girls. Even when we went on holiday, he went with some girl, made no effort to hide it and everyone thought it was hilarious and that he is a stud. I'm seen as the loser and weirdo because I don't sleep with random girls and don't think it's hilarious when men go from one girl to another. My family know I'm more the type to 'get to know' a girl, which obviously doesn't live up to the young, fun and reckless expected. Also, going back to the girl, she's agreed to sex and knew we were all asleep and therefore she should feel awkward the next day over breakfast.

MsDee - I agree again. If I mention anything, it's always seen as jealousy. That and we'd end up in a fight, which isn't going to get anyone anywhere.

Railgrid, please resist all the pressure and stay as the "family loser and weirdo" - you will end up in the better position in the long run...you'd be surprised but the title "loser and weirdo" doesn't actually put decent women off, once they realise the context the title is referring to...!!!

I'm now trying hard still not to judge people on their sex lives (as I boasted in my previous post!), but if I were to have to ability to look into the future, I see a happier family situation (wife and kids with decent "moral" standards!) in your future, whilst perhaps seeing a more "fractured" future for your brother...there may be a few kids, but I doubt there is a happy wife/partner, and the kids may live in different homes with different mums!

Stick with it, railgrid - a lot of us prefer the slightly more "considerate" man (who appreciates the sex as something for him alone to enjoy - rather than share it wth any family/friends who happen to be in earshot! ).

I hope your brother grows up to be as mature as you, soon...:o

P x

railgrid

Thanks for all the replies!

piglet6

Blimey, Railgrid, you have a very wise head on what must be (if your brother is only 20 years old!) relatively young shoulders!

Stick with it, mate - you will come out on top in the long run!!

P x

scottishchick27

So basically your brother is getting sex on tap, doesn't have to pay money to your mum so has his car, mobile and money to go out with at the weekend? No wonder your hacked off. :cool:
Your mum really needs to be the one to try to sort it out, if it comes form you it'll come across as jealousy.

kinkyjinks

As a mum of 3 lads of various ages (19, 16 and 14) here's my honest opinion:eek: The house we live in is open plan (i.e. very few doors and an open staircase), with cardboard walls, creaky floors and 3 bedrooms, the eldest has his own tiny room and the younger 2 share a room right next door to their brother. Both these rooms are directly above my living room. My eldest lad has a regular g/f who stays here every other week usually from Friday to Monday.

Of course I've heard the 2 of them 'at it' but mainly because of the walls and the creaky floors. In all honesty, the only time I've really been annoyed about hearing them is when they've been at it in the middle of the afternoon, mainly because of the floor!!! Never heard either of them in the verbal throws of passion, because either a) they both have more respect for me than that or b) my son knows I'd create merry hell and put him off his stroke so to speak.

I found that a simple banging on the ceiling usually worked and if not I banged on the door and told them I don't wanna be hearing it and then had a word with my eldest telling him I was quite sure it would be infinitely more embarrassing for the 2 of them if I returned the noise experience in full glory. I've also made the eldest lad aware that if my 16 n 14 year old hear them at night then they have my full permission to knock on the wall too.

I'm assuming your brothers new g/f doesn't have her own place either and as a mum I'd much rather know that my son was at home than giving his girl one out on the street/park etc.

If I was you I'd tell your mum how you felt, ask her why she doesn't do anything but remember that ultimately, it's her house and you are both her flesh and blood. Tell her it's embarrassing for you and you think she deserves more respect than that. Maybe at 12/1/2am she's asleep and blissfully unaware?? Other than that, invest in some headphones, move to a room where you can't hear them, or....find your own place, mums house, mums rules.

It sounds like you're trying to do the right thing in paying her board etc, but it does come across that you resent the way he lives his life. Live your own life in a way that will make you proud to be you and let him live the way that your mum allows (shame on her) and the way his conscience feels fit (shame on him and lesson for the people he plays).

kinkyjinks

piglet6 wrote: »

Does he not stop to think how "uncomfortable" it must be for her at breakfast with you and your mother after a night of "obvious" passion...?!?!

If your sex life makes others (who are not directly "involved") feel uncomfortable, then in my opinion, you need to reconsider the situation...

P x

But if you're not aware that others can hear because it's never spoken about is it still obvious that other people heard? How do you know others are uncomfortable if no one says anything?

:eek: And to think families used to all sleep in one room. How did we ever expand this countries population.

shaven-monkey

earplugs?
mp3 player with soothing sounds of the ocean on loop?

piglet6

Point taken, Kinky, but these days very few families are still in the position of living in one room...

And just because its not spoken about, doesn't mean its not heard, still. I think it has to be the minority of people who are "totally comfortable" with hearing others having sex and discussing it with the couple involved over breakfast the following morning - "well, you two sounded like you were having fun last night... You definitely enjoyed it when he/she started doing [ ]...didn't you?!"

I think its still "good manners" if you are living in "shared accommodation", to try and restrict your sexual activity to be as unobtrusive as possible. Sex should be an activity for those people "actively" involved - not those people who just happen to be in the room next door.

That surely becomes "voyeur-ism"...and if those involved in the sexual activity are your children (or your parents!), I think this throws up all sorts of other "uncomfortable" feelings...

P x