Plz Help find my Dad!!

crana999

Only one thing with the Salvation Army, on the FAQ page it says:

"Who is not included in the tracing programme?

We do not normally become involved in searches where adoption has taken place, nor with enquiries to trace a mother or father where there was no marriage between parents."

If your parents weren't married then they might not help you (I'm not sure why this is, it seems a bit unfair!!)

ETA: on the do's and don'ts page it says:

"Whilst the Department has every sympathy with an adopted or illegitimate person seeking the whereabouts of his or her natural parent, there is no way of knowing that parent's present domestic circumstances, and the risk of disrupting a happy family unit is too great. In addition, the basic information required is often not available in such cases. For further information click here to view our information sheets."

I do think this is not very fair. If your parents lived together but weren't married and then split up, how is it different to if your parents were married when you were born and then separated or divorced (i mean obviously sometimes the dad wouldn't even know he had a child, or whatever, but to rule out ALL cases seems harsh). Surely if the basic information wasn't available for ANY search they would have to turn it down anyway?

They don't give the "found person"'s details to the "seeking person" unless the "found person" says that's OK anyway. If the found person didn't want their "happy family unit" disrupting they could just refuse to give out the details!

Boohbah

Salvation Army are good at tracing people.

crana999

Boohbah wrote:

Salvation Army are good at tracing people.

...but not parents of illegitimate children or common-law wives/husbands. They're happy to trace "proper" wives/husbands though.

I wonder if all of this is down to the (somewhat odd-sounding) reasons they give, or if part of this might be because of the SA's religious background?

Jeryth

I think they are allowed to have their reasons for not helping in certain cases. You may not think it fair, but they have the right. It is, after all, certainly feasible that a man might not know that he is a father. And post adoption cases really do need careful thought, if they took place more than 10 or so years ago.

Yes, I am adopted, so I speak with my own circumstances in mind.

Jeryth

not sure where this sig came from; it sure ain't mine. Will check my profile tho.

Spendless

jeryth wrote:

not sure where this sig came from; it sure ain't mine. Will check my profile tho.

It's happened in the site change. I've forgotten how to get rid of it but someone in technical or the arms will tell you.

trafalgar_2

'quick links' under your name at the top

'edit signature';)

Jeryth

Thanks, it seems to have gone now.

crana999

jeryth wrote:

I think they are allowed to have their reasons for not helping in certain cases. You may not think it fair, but they have the right. It is, after all, certainly feasible that a man might not know that he is a father. And post adoption cases really do need careful thought, if they took place more than 10 or so years ago.

Yes, I am adopted, so I speak with my own circumstances in mind.

Well, I still think their rules should be fair. They presumably wouldn't be allowed to say they only helped white people!

It certainly is feasible that a man might not know he is a father. I don't see why the fact that your parents weren't married should automatically rule you out on the basis that your dad might possibly perhaps not have known.

It's certainly feasible that your parents could have been married and your dad not known he was a father, if one parent walked out before the pregnancy was discovered.

I also don't really understand why they will find wives/husbands but not partners/common-law spouses. You can get married and it mean absolutely nothing - look at britney spears - but you could have been with your partner for decades and just because you weren't married, they won't help you.

Stuy

Hi

Try this web site https://www.finddad.co.uk ,it may help. Came across it on http://www.chrishoggart.co.uk/index.html, a site set up by a Dad who has lost contact with his kids but wnat to keep them informed and a way open for them to contact hin.

Stuart