I'm in a right pickle

sophiesmum_2

If your mum has an income of £800 a month and gets tax credits that will probably be about another £520 a month (based on 13,000 income and 3 kids). Add £160 month child benefit and then she is getting £100 month board from yourself and help with some of the bills,council tax, phone, cable, internet,plus free child care. Surely if she has no debts she should be able to manage on that income. I think you really need to have a talk with your mum, maybe she doesn't realise the situation you are getting yourself into helping out as you do.Iwould be upset if you were my daughter and had got to that position trying to help.
If as you say your mum has no debts I'm sure she would hate you to have them.
Also is there not a part of tax credits that will help towards the cost of childcare if it is with a registered childminder/nursery etc?
Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on, and make some time for just you - keep the gym on if needed.
sophiesmum

lisa_75

inafinancialmess wrote:

She and Dad had me when they were 16, she more or less think I ruined her life and she isn't shy about telling me that.
.

Sorry to be blunt, but that was her choice. Contraception and abortion were freely available 20 years ago so your 16 year old mum only has herself to blame for being a young mother.

I had a child very young, but we picked ourselves up and got on with it. I chose to have unprotected sex and I chose to keep the baby. I am now a mature student and my husband has worked hard to get where he is. There are plenty of older women like me at uni who were teenage mums. Instead of letting it “ruin their lives” they have decided to do the best for themselves and their children.

You sound like a great girl. Your Mum is very lucky. Don’t for one moment feel guilty for her getting herself pregnant so young. That is a shocking thing for her to think, let alone say.

sammy115

Harsh words, but I have to agree about your mum. I am in a similar situation, for a long time now since my mum retired I have propped her up financially. My mum has no debt, smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish and STILL moans about her lot. But I love her and she is my mum and there is a lot of guilt around, especially when dads are missing! I know this from experience. I think you need to distance yourself somewhat if you can.

And i need to add my twopence worth about leaving uni and getting a well paid job. We just spent more!!!! You need to get a grip of your finances now.

Good luck - you sound like a lovely caring person who deserves to do well in life.

kessik

Hi
I think it will be very hard for you to confront your mum on this issue. Mums and daughters have so much emotional baggage for some reason,especially eldest (or in your case only) daughters. I was in a similar position to you only I was an emotional rather than financial crutch for my mum and it got to the stage where I was exhausted by all the negativity. Sometimes it's not possible to deal with those who are close to you in a dispassionate way and you have to start distancing yourself by degrees. You need to live your own life especially now you are at Uni - you should be living it up!
I think you know what you need to do practically (PAYG phone, pay off your highest interest credit card first etc) - the hardest part will be losing your sense of obligation. Good luck!

Kessik

BTW I think life insurance is a good idea for anyone.

inafinancialmess

Yeh well I took it because I wanted to make sure that debts were covered and that my brothers have something to help them through life should something happen to me.

kessik

You sound like a really caring and thoughtful person - your mum and brothers are very lucky to have you. But try to put yourself first sometimes!!
kessik

Ebany

I am puzzled by you listing a student bursary as £150 per month broken down over the year - is this am actual bursary (ie free money) or is it your student loan. As far as I can see, with the income your mum has, you should get the full loan, which is over £250 a month (divided accordingly - £3415 over the year) even with you living at home, which I am guessing from your SOA that you do. If this is not your student loan then apply for one! Its the longest term lowest interest lending you will get, and one years worth would pay off your current debts.

If this is your student loan, have you checked if your university offers any bursaries? My husband is a full time student and brings in about £7k a year without doing anything from his student loan and bursaries from his school and college.

If things like laptop repair come up you could also apply to your university for the hardship fund - this does get added to your loan, but it is still a better rate than it would be on a credit card. Something like that has obvious academic reasons, and I wouldn't expect any argument about them helping you out.

There is no basis for your mum to blame you for your birth - it wasnt like you had any say in the matter! I know that standing up to a parent you love can be difficult, but it does sound like she needs to hear that she is storing up trouble for your future, and while you want to be there to help them you can't sacrifice yourself for their sake. She should be proud of you.

calleyw

I do agree with what has been said you do need to talk to your mum.

Because if you don't nothing will change. I know it is not easy. And blaming a child for your lot in life is not very fair and not nice.

What happens when you get your £20K a year job then. Will you still be living at home and how much of that does she expect you to give her.

I wish you all the best in getting this sorted out.


Yours


Calley

inafinancialmess

I really appreciate all the replys. I know it all makes sense about my mum but its hard to stand up to her and to have a serious conversation with her without one of us yelling. She has this whole thing of jealousy surronding the fact the youngest who has just turned five runs to me before her, but its not my fault she basically ignored all the boys and me for over a year while she dealt with the fact he left.

Its a Young Students Bursary I from the Students Awards Agency for Scotland (SAAS) which I qualify for based on mums income and her 3 dependents. So yeah its free. Ive been offered the student loan by I don't like the idea of more debt. However SAAS and Student Loans have told me how much I would get this year if I want to take it which is £2500 I believe so if I did take it, it would help. The first installment and my bursary could wipe more than a third along with the OT I can do when they back to school in 2 weeks. It's been a long summer. Once again I'm in on saturday night on babysititng duty.

Providing things go to plan, I will qualify as a teacher and ideally I want to move out. If I get my debt sorted I could afford too, the biggest hurdle is my mum.

Willsnarf1983

i think that you need to stand up, yes its not going to be nice but at one point or another it needs to be done

good luck with everything

Will