10 y.o. son being completely oppositional to me, getting me down. How to stop it?

easy

I have a very strong willed little boy (now as big as me, his tiny mum). He has always been a handful, but we generally get along OK.

But over the last week or so he is just opposing me about everything. Any request made to him gets a flat NO. he objects to any suggestion to do any of his pocket money chores (so got no pocket money, of course).

His guitar teacher is coming at 11, currently he won't get dressed. We're supposed to be going into town after his lesson, so he can spend his birthday money. Obviously, I'm currently saying "okay, so we won't go into town". Playing on PC and Wii is also currently banned, until behaviour improves.

He just seems to want to push, and push, and push. The more I stand my ground, the more he argues, then says I want to make Him unhappy when I ban computer/Wii/Tv etc.

I just know he'll give the guitar teacher a hard time, which makes the lesson a waste of my money and his time.

I'm running out of sanctions. Can still ground him, but him going out to play at least gives me some peace, so it'll be a punishment for me as well.

I know there isn't an easy answer, and this is mainly just a moan to get it off my chest, but if anyone has any tips (other than stand firm, which I'm already doing), I'd be grateful.

Mupette

Ahhh don't you just love those pre teen hormonal bursts.

stick to your guns, i'd even cancel the guitar lessons too if that was me.
remove the Wii/ pc etc out of his room (if in his room)

babyshoes

Yep, if the carrot doesn't work, then I'm afraid it has to be the stick, as long as you are clear with him about why you are doing what you are doing, especially with his comments about wanting to make him unhappy - perhaps explain that it makes YOU unhappy when he defies you.

Just try to stay calm, you are the adult here! Easier said than done, I know.

Mrs_Thrify

Ah yes, I remember thoose days well and what stories to tell.
Can be costly too! when things go missing - no one has done it but things like mobile phones, tv controls and worse still hiding their passport when you are just about to fly the whole family away for a 2 week holiday.(we had to buy a replacement passport and a year later found it hidden)

easy

Mupette wrote: »

Ahhh don't you just love those pre teen hormonal bursts.

stick to your guns, i'd even cancel the guitar lessons too if that was me.
remove the Wii/ pc etc out of his room (if in his room)

well, guitar lesson underway right now, was too late to cancel, as teacher was already on his way.

Noooo, Wii/PC deffo NOT in his room, as I don't approve of such things (I've told him he can have a TV in his room when HE can afford to buy one). PC is in my office, and I generally contrive to be working in there (or at least popping in and out) when he has PC time, so I know what he's doing. Wii is in living room, it belongs to "the family", not just him.


He has 14 tonnes of lego, what seems like 50,000 toys and a whole library in his bedroom to keep him occupied when PC or Wii are banned, but always complains he has "nothing to doooooo" !!

easy

babyshoes wrote: »

Yep, if the carrot doesn't work, then I'm afraid it has to be the stick, as long as you are clear with him about why you are doing what you are doing, especially with his comments about wanting to make him unhappy - perhaps explain that it makes YOU unhappy when he defies you.

Just try to stay calm, you are the adult here! Easier said than done, I know.

Oh Babyshoes, I sit down to talk to him frequently about how I feel upset when he just defies me outright, doesn't consider our feelings, goes back on his promises etc etc.

an hour later we go back to square 1....

Ho Hum...

Lotus-eater

easy wrote: »

He has 14 tonnes of lego, what seems like 50,000 toys and a whole library in his bedroom to keep him occupied when PC or Wii are banned, but always complains he has "nothing to doooooo" !!

Mine does that, I say why don't you play with this, or this. If she says no, I'll say, well if you're not going to play with them, I'll take them to the charity shop, or sell them on ebay.
Sometimes you can find out what they really don't want that way.

I honestly think kids can have too many toys, not too many books though.

DVardysShadow

He is bored. He would not be less bored if he had 140 tonnes of lego. He would not be more bored if he had none. You say:

I'm running out of sanctions. Can still ground him, but him going out to play at least gives me some peace, so it'll be a punishment for me as well.

But what do you want to achieve? It strikes me that maybe he is not getting out enough and away from you! Seriously, at his age, it is not natural to be at home all day with mother. And if you don't understand what is behind it, you will find yourself on a treadmill of saying "the floggings will continue until morale improves"

mountainofdebt

Personally I would play him at his own game. If he can't do something to help the household then you can't take him to places where he wants to go.

For me a household is a mini co-operative.....everyone does something to make life more pleasant for each other and if one person doesn't want to be part of that co-operative then they don't get to reap the benefits.

zfrl

Remember as well it is a very difficult age to be. He should be pushing the boundaries and testing you. He will have loads of energy and nowhere to get rid of it apart from winding you up. Afraid there is no easy answer. The one thing you need to be is consistent. Other than that he should improve by the age of ??? 25 or so!!!

Penny_Watcher

easy wrote: »

The more I stand my ground, the more he argues, then says I want to make Him unhappy when I ban computer/Wii/Tv etc.

Ok - remain calm at all times

Tell him you are sorry he feels that way, but he is choosing to behave badly knowing that there will be sanctions.

Repeat at necessary

The ball is back in his court. He's choosing not to have fun. Fair enough.