From Trash to Cash: the Dribbling never ends

elly68

right off to bed see you all tomorrow night,and nice to see you back even

Crafty_Toots

Night night Elly, sleep tight x

Even, good to see you, I was just saying you were missing in action! Sorry you're still having probs with DD, hope all works out soon x

Toots x

jo70mo

evenstar, its such a difficult time for you right now hun. really feel for you. did you try that website/ helpline that someone posted a while back. they might be able to help you with your feelings and ideas how to approach things. sounds like its anonymous too.
My really strong feeling is that she knows its not a good way for her to go but feels belittled when other people tell her so. its like being told shes not good enough or doing things all wrong. especially if as you say he is painting you to be the interfering mother.I am not criticising how you are handling it at all I think you have shown great strength through a very frightening time.
Its a very long term view and means accepting the risk of what happens in the meantime but I think the biggest thing you can do is work on your relationship with her rather than changing her. that way she may start to see an alternative ie you rather than feeling she needs him.
If you are into reading I really recommend the first few chapters of Stephen coveys book the 7 habits of highly effective families. I was put off for such a long time by the title but it is a great book for showing the value of prioritising the relationship and not trying to change the person. often this can give the person the security they need to make the changes they know deep down they need.
it moralises the marriage thing a bit in places and he is religious but he accepts the reality of broken marriages and other/ no religion too.
Hugs as always
Jo x

munchki

right guys, I am really suffering tonight with the knees, back, arms etc lol....I am going to call it a night in a few mins, pref before it becomes morning again!!

Hiya Even, I so wish I could chat to your daughter!! Been there done that! In my own experience, everyone around me could see how bad he was for me, but I could not or should I say would not accept it. I kept thinking and believing that it was all my fault, that I could change etc when in reality it was nothing I was doing but more of a reaction to his actions. It took a long time, but was quite liberating and yes a bit sad when I finally said the words out loud that he was bad for me and even better when I said them to him. Guilt and control are so so difficult to deal with especially when you are the one receiving such. I found the more people kept at me the more I dug my heels in but when I was watched over from a distance so to speak, I came to my own conclusions. Hard to explain here without going into deeper detail.

night all and sweet and magical dreams xxx

jo70mo

night munchki. sweet dreams in your own bed! another new beginning.

evenstarcrafty

No i wont have her till she gets her act together
Not being harsh just had enough, will have Granddaughter at weekends and daughter can come and stop when she needs to but she has stuff to sort out and she isnt bringing him near our new place
She disappeared when out in neighbouring town, and her friends came to me worried sick as she was worse for wear that night, and they had no idea where she was,she hadnt come home, so after careful thought I rang police and they were treating it as missing persons, police got his number and he told them she had been round but he didnt let her in ....liar,now they are both awol...but we know she is with him, and she was on FB 3 hrs ago...not caring that people are worried

opened up my emails and you lot had left hundreds of facebook emails......
good party

evenstarcrafty

night munchki
you will have to fill me in bout your new house
well done...you had your share of troubles but come out the other side:j
congratulations...hope you,ll be really happy there

jo70mo

Hi even completely respect that and if you do decide at some point that the book might help it talks about prioritising the relationship but maintaining your own boundaries and not getting trampled on ie a family where they stopped trying to get their grown up son off drugs and to build a relationship but very clear no drugs in their house or around their children etc.
can completely understand you've had enough hun will stop my ramblings and just give you another hug instead.
Jo x

evenstarcrafty

jo70mo wrote: »

Hi even completely respect that and if you do decide at some point that the book might help it talks about prioritising the relationship but maintaining your own boundaries and not getting trampled on ie a family where they stopped trying to get their grown up son off drugs and to build a relationship but very clear no drugs in their house or around their children etc.
can completely understand you've had enough hun will stop my ramblings and just give you another hug instead.
Jo x

Thanks Jo
I was actually relpying to elly as ashe asked if DD was moving with me
Hadnt read your post before replying...Im a bit slow
I like books like that they can give you a different perspective, so I might give it a read
The trouble is it just goes round in circles and ends up with me worried sick, an emotional wreck and I have decided to priortise my Granddaughter and her wellbeing

jo70mo

Munchki. thanks for sharing that publicly. Its very insightful and may help more people than you know about. so glad you are where you are now. sleep well