Couples and individual finances.

h4nym

cryptokit wrote:

Myself and my wife have a joint account, but also still both have our individual accounts. This allows us to suprise each other (nicely!) from time to time, things like birthdays, etc. without the other seeing on an online statement "xyz gifts" or whatever!

Honesty is completely and utterly critical to most relationships - and I would personally say that has to include financial honesty. We promised to be together for richer or poorer, and both of us agreed to that. I think its changing the rules half way that causes so many people so much anguish.

Crypto... couldn't agree more! Thanks for putting it so succinctly! When my (then) girlfriend (now wife!) and I first moved in together - eek - 10 years ago - I out-earned her by a factor of about 5. I was determined that money was never going to be an issue between us, so we opened a joint account and all our income went into it. £200 quid a month went back out into our individiual accounts to spend as we wanted. Everything else was paid from our joint account irrespective. I bought her pressies with my 200 quid, she bought shoes with hers... and Russell & Bromley aren't good for mens' shoes!

Our finances are now much more equal - she's a partner in the business that I founded before we got together and has been instrumental in its growth since she joined.

Anyway - absolute transparency - it's our life we were leading together. Regardless of who/how the means was earnt. Yes we've had our financial ups and downs - long and boring and documented elsewhere but we ended up up to 120k in debt (not including some serious mortgaging!). It took years to build it up and a year to bring it down to the 23k that it currently is.

Couldn't have racked it up without her (well - probably could in truth) but absolutely couldn't have brought it back down without us being totally united and focussed.

ZTD

The difference is (I feel) not what you earn, but what you spend. If you are careful with money, while the OH empties the joint account and wonders why the money has run out - then joint finances are unlikely to be successful.

How many people on here insist on seperate spending money even though their partner/spouse earns more than they do? I've earned both less and more than the OH, and my views haven't changed.

From my point of view: We both have our own separate accounts, with a joint account for joint spending, bills and mortgage. However, a little while back, the OH was spending £15 on "milk" every 2-3 days and not surprisingly the joint account soon emptied and to a surprising amount of shock - as though it wasn't obvious that was going to happen.

The OH is a touch more careful now, but still of the "saving is impossible, you need credit to buy stuff" mindset.

calleyw

We run a joint household account and have our bank accounts even though we have been married for 6 years and togther for 9.

I know people will go you are married and should share everything.

Yes, I know what my husband earns and my husband knows what I earn.

The reason why it is run like this is:

1) we already had our accounts before getting together
2) it felt what was the right thing to do for US

What works for one does not work for others. If we had children maybe it would have been different. But it works for us.

We both are well aware of how much we as a couple have in savings and pensions etc. So we don't hide it from each other.

And we are not in debt. Well we because we have a mortgage but we have no non-mortgage debt.

I personally if my husband was gambler/drinker I would not be happy to fund their habit from my wages if everything was paid in to joint account.

It is all about balance and we don't love each other less or are any less committed to each other just because we don't share all accounts as has been suggested before on other threads like this on other forums I visit.


Yours


Calley