Couples and individual finances.

BettyDebt

I have been in both situations. With my ex husband we had totally independent finances and in 3.5yrs I saw no way out of my debt. Lifestyle was ok but he could afford to go on holidays to visit his family and so would do so and leave me behind.

Now i have a partner that shares every info about his finances as do I. We have a joint 'pot' for groceries etc to which I pay £40 more than him a month as I earn more and feed my dogs. We pay equal rent, our own bills (ie: mobile or gym etc) and still pay for things for each other if the other doesnt have it. Working this way I can actually see a way out of my debts and estimate that I can pay £24k worth of debt in under 2yrs whereas I never saw a light at the end of the tunnel with the ex despite him earning more than the current.

Having honesty, openess and shared finances gives you both the support you need. Its nice to have seperate money too for the little extras of your own but all in all having been on both sides, the grass is greener now!

loobyloo1980

I have a joint account with my husband, and can't imagine having separate finances and having to discuss lending each other money, or who was going to pay for the food shopping this week or anything like that. However, I know plenty of people who do run their finances separately and that works for them. It really does seem to be an individual thing. My husband and I have our own debts, but we pool resources and pay those debts off together using our joint income. He has always had his salary paid into my account since we moved in together, and then we got his name added to make it a joint account. He has never had the 'my money I earn it' mentality, and I think that is why it works for us. He works to earn money for us, and not for himself. Like I say, different things work for different people, but our finances are well and truly joint.

Daddyo

Opened up a hornets nest here Connor !!

Personally, my GF and me cant get a joint account, so the problem aint there !!

Sting_2

My wife and I have a joint current account, this seems (to me) the most logic solution since we both get paid into the account, and then all OUR bills come out. When we need money we take it, and if there is anything left at the end of the month we split it between our SEPERATE savings accounts.

The savings accounts are seperate because they are ISAs (tax free) and can therefore only be in single names.

As for arguements, yes, we have had plenty of those about money!! I like to think I am quite informed about money, saving and investments. My wife on the other hand cannot see the point in moving current accounts to get freebies or free money, or moving an ISA account to get 1% more interest. And as for my clicking on links on cashback websites she thinks I am mad! Still she doesn't complain when I offer to take her out to dinner with my cashback earnings!

Although I think what we have is the best solution in terms of simplicity and optimising interest earned I would never tell anyone there is a right or wrong way to do things.

frugglewump

We had separate finances for 8 years until buying this house together. Mostly because OH was self-employed and wanted to keep my credit record clear in case things went wrong.

It still worked like joint finances though - I paid for the landline & internet, he paid the mobile phones etc.

kwisstan

My OH and I got married when we she was 19 and I was 22, neither of us had any debt to start with, so we've always had joint finances. The debt is in my name on paper, simply as I'm the main wage earner, but we are "financially linked" by experian & equifax.

I can see the point of people who have got together with OH when they have had their own debt, I think I would prefer to pay off debt I accrued separately to the joint finances. As other people have said I spent the money, so it's my reponsibilty to pay it off.

chevalier

I think it in part depends on your upbringing. My dad left my mum when I was 18 months old. So my mum had to struggle financially after that. When I met my hubby I had had my own account for a long time, so we set up a joint account for the bills and paid money into it. However I am now not working (due to looking after children and being made redundant), and I hate it. He pays money into my account, as I have a few direct debits that come out of it, and I feel that I can't spend anything even though he doesn't comment on my cash withdrawals. We aren't yet in debt as he earns a good wage, but it still niggles that we have to do it this way.
I will be glad when I can get a job again, so I can have my own money again. My other half doesn't understand this at all, and keep suggesting we have just the joint account. But that make me feel very uncomfortable and I think that is because of my parents marriage break down.
So whatever works I suppose
regards
chev

tanith

We also have a joint (bill paying ) acc and separate accounts for our salaries to go into. This has always worked for OH and me and we never argue about money, he spends it and I save, its always been this way , I did try to change the way he dealt with money but soon realised we would just argue about it so having separate accounts for our 'spare ' money is perfect. If anything needs to be bought ie; new appliance etc then we pay 50/50 otherwise we each spend our cash however we please , I tend to spoil the family more and also have money put away for a rainy day, I also help out OH when he gets an unexpected bill for car repairs etc....... it doesn't work the other way round as he tends to be 'skint' at the end of the month, but that is his choice and we both get enjoyment with our way of dealing with cash... I don't mind helping him out now and then but if all our money was in one acc we would both be 'skint' at the end of the month and I would end up hitting him over the head for spending it all...................:rotfl:

IT WORKS FOR US

Tondella

Conor wrote:

One thing I've noticed on this board is how many long term couples and married people keep their finances completely seperate with one person being absolutely up to their eyeballs in debt and suffering much torment whilst the other has more than enough money. Usually the accrued debts are from the person in trouble trying to keep up their part of the monthly bills.

Both incomes pooled together would mean they were more than able to cope saving much. To me it seems utter madness as in many cases this has taken it to the point that relationships suffer and in a few cases, marriage breakups have been mentioned if they reveal the level of debt to their other half.

Can someone explain why this is? I can't get my head around it. Surely it is meant to be a partnership.

aah if only! I've taken on all my OH's debts, yes even those ones run up through him financing his ex's AA cover etc etc. The way i look at it is that, although i could keep my own money, he'd still be in debt and so we wouldn't be able to do the things we have planned to do together, be that buy a nice coffee, plan a holiday, or get a mortgage. We're pooling our resources so that we can clear the debt as quickly as possible and then get on with our lives together. Having said that we have separate accounts (although we have internet access to each others accounts) and will probably only get a joint account once we have a house, even then it would be for joint financial commitments, I would always keep my own account so long as i am earning my own money.

seven-day-weekend

When we gort married 35 years ago, we were only young, neither of us had any 'baggage' including debt.

All money that comes in is 'ours', every payment out is also 'ours', regardless of who is earning what at any particular time. I didn't work full-time for fifteen years because of child-rearing commitments, on the other hand, my husband has had times when he has been unable to work through sickness for six months or more and it's me that has been the breadwinner. Any money we have spare goes into savings, which are separate accounts, but that is in name only, the money is still regarded as 'ours' and neither of us would dream of spending more than about £50-60 without consulting the other.

Had one of us had huge debts when we met, the other one would have helped to pay them off.

Were I to find I was married to a compulsive gambler, yes, I would have ensured separate finances then - that is just being sensible.

Otherwise, we look upon our marriage as a partnership in every way.