Adult abuse

ankspon

Update-The dad has said sorry AGAIN to her and she has fallen for it AGAIN.It will happen again and she will fall for another sorry from him.If she won't help herself there is nothing we can do.Thanks for all your advice.

hermum

It probably isn't that she won't help herself but can't. She has no doubt had all her confidence sapped over the years & will want her Dad to mean that he's sorry. If she's unable to go to college she's probably pretty isolated & the world can be a pretty scary place when you feel alone. Be a friend & when she has the strength hopefully she will come to you for advice & you'll be able to help her.

Pollycat

David
I think hermum has the best suggestion.

You can't make someone do what you think or know to be the right thing for them.

Just be there for her if she needs you.

Regards

Liquorice_Twirls

Hi David

It is really demoralising for you when it seems that she has been manipulated again and gone back, but please hang on in there as her friend. She will have been listening to what you said but maybe now is just not the right time for her to make the break.

The average victim of Domestic Abuse leaves 7 times before managing to make that final break, but perhaps each of those times increases the resolve to ultimately do it.

She probably does not have many friends or support because of her Dad so if you turn your back now, moving out and breaking the relationship will be even harder.

I am very concerned for the 15 year old though. If she is being physically or emotionally harmed you could call Social Services anonymously.

hermum

At 19 as well & someone who couldn't cope with college due to her bad home life, she is probably emotionally still a child, grown women & men find it hard to flee DV. If there is the slightest chance of sexual abuse as well please do contact social services. Rape is the ultimate control & with him being so controlling this could certainly be an issue as well. These girls really do need a good friend who will be there for them no matter what. Are they able to come on this forum themselves? If they do they may realise that there are ways out & that the world doesn't have to be such a bleak & scarey place.

meritaten

David - please dont give up on them.........he is her dad and she loves him, so of course she is going to give him another chance (or she is so scared of him she is to frightened to leave.
please just stick around and make sure she can contact you at any time. and have an escape route planned for her (but dont tell her any details as she may tell him) you may need to get her and her sister help and out of there at very short notice.
btw - is her sister as scared or cowed as she is? she may only be fifteen but may well be feistier than big sis and a little chat with her may be enlightening?

jimbms

David do not give up, hound her dad by letting everyone in the area know what he is doing, put posters up, make his life hell for a change.

marleyboy

My heart goes out to her. I was 18yrs old the last time my Dad tried to batter me, unfortunately for him, I was also a lot bigger and broader, resulting in him hitting the deck and NEVER daring to try that stunt on me again.....(now I am 40, I have not seen him for a good 20 Years and it still feels as good as it did the day I put a stop to it), to know my kids will never suffer anything like that from their Parents, not that my Dad will know about it, as he will NEVER see such beautiful Grankids, and will die a very lonely old man, such as he deserves.

At 19 she can pack up and go, and there is nothing they can do to stop her or find her. I wish her well.

Pollycat

davidhwdn wrote: »

Update-The dad has said sorry AGAIN to her and she has fallen for it AGAIN.It will happen again and she will fall for another sorry from him.If she won't help herself there is nothing we can do.Thanks for all your advice.

Marleyboy
Unfortunately it sounds like this girl is not yet at the point where she is strong enough to walk away.

Well done you for being so strong :T - you're probably right about the fate of your Father.

I wish this girl well too, but even with all the goodwill in the world (and caring people like the OP) she has to make the first step herself.