Adult abuse

miacat

Hi david, this thread might be best moved to the MS in Marriages, Relationships, and families board.

good advice here though...hope you manage to get all the advice you need. good luck.

TraySelect

The advice above is right - this needs to be fielded to Safeguarding Adults team [if England or Wales]. In Scotland there is distinct legislation to do with adults at risk of abuse - the contact should be with the social work department there.

There are also domestic violence forums/services/arrangements - the police or social services are involved in these. Google your local council/domestic abuse/Safeguarding adults - to get the contacts.

Some council places may be shut the day after Easter Monday. There are emergency numbers - again on the council website.

The police [are supposed to] 'work in a multi-agency way' [sorry - jargon - talk to social services, health, charities etc] to get things working to protect adults being abused. So don't hold back from speaking to them - many have public protection. domestic abuse units with people trained to deal with abuse.

Feeling scared, cowed, fearful, terrified are common reactions to years of contempt, abuse, violence and harrassment.

She'll need support - but the critical thing is for her to know she is not alone, there are services and she needs to act - this will never get better.

meritaten

miacat has a good suggestion david - take the thread to moneysaving in marraiges etc. there are a lot of people on there who dont venture down to this board but are brilliant in this area.

Pollycat

davidhwdn wrote: »

Her mum is alive and she got the same treatment when she was married to him.He is a millionaire and claims child support from the mother as when the kids was younger there heads were turned by him and his money,the kids never believed there mother was abused till they got older and he started on them.He has been arrested for making threats to kill,so you can see what kind of "man" he is.

David
is it possible for this girl to go & stay with her Mum?

You mention 'kids' - plural above.
Are they older or younger than this 19 year old girl?
Are they living with their father and the stepmother?
If not, where are they living?

You say 'he started on them' (the kids) - just how long has this been going on?

ankspon

She has a younger sister(15) who lives with the father as well,she is too frightened to leave him.He threatens anyone who goes against him.They have both lived with mum before but he turned them against her,the mum ended up in counselling over this.It has gradually got worse over the past couple of years.

hermum

Have you been able to speak to her today? The 15 year old as a child perhaps shouldn't be making the decisions about whether she should leave. Can't you talk to the younger girls school & then they will get social services involved. Don't they realise that once they go to the police they won't have to live with the father again? Both these girls need help quickly before their lives are totally destroyed.

richardvc

I am sorry that I have no advice but wanted to wish your friend well - with friends like you she is in good hands.

Equaliser123

Seems to me you have to go really careful here or risk alienating her. I would suggest not doing anything without her consent or knowledge but make a suggestion of a plan of action once armed with some useful info.

Again, sounds like a "no-names" call to the Council and the charities is the best start.

meritaten

david - the last person she should go to would be her mum. she really needs someone like womens aid. and her sister too.
it may well be up to you to find the details - difficult for a man I know - do you have a female friend who you can trust to make some calls for you? sorry to say this but as a man you will NOT find refuges by the normal route.

hairy_g

I think the Police should be your first call.
Reading here:
http://www.crimereduction.homeoffice.gov.uk/violentcrime/dv01.htm
" Every police force and CPS area now has a domestic violence co-ordinator. Every police force also has a domestic violence champion."
At least if you let the Police know what's going on, you will have done something.

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

The Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline, run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge, is a national service for women experiencing domestic violence, their family, friends, colleagues and others calling on their behalf.