Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

savingwannabe

Poppet dont cry. You are being so sensitive as you are exhausted. My counsellor says to handle one thing at a time. You are jugggling so many balls it is really difficult to expect perfection in each one. You have learned that maybe your budgeting was imperfect, but you know better for next week.
Maybe today you can keep a spending diary (in a notebook) so you know at the end of the day where the extra pennies and pounds go.

You are so intelligent, your family love you, you are very good at your job as is your dear husband and children. For goodness sake, have just run a marathon. I get scared watching the London Marathon on the tv!!! Do not beat yourself up, you are precious, reassure yourself my friend and have a good day.


:j

savingwannabe

EEEK! I hope I didn't upset you! Sorry about incorrect grammar too! I was trying to say that you are doing a fab job and it is ok if you are not perfect at everything. You are amazing. I wish I did half the things you do Firewalker!

I used to spend a fortune on books. Academic ones tend to be expensive but if you read novels you can get them at a far lower cost on Ebay. My nieces taught me how it works, they are 9 and 10, and i am a Luddite!

Good luck,

:j

Firewalker

Thank you, Savingwannabe, for your wormth, encouragement and advice. And you are right, I suppose - at the moment I do far too much and am over-critical.

But last night was little boy, really. He is nine (in fact today is his birthday party) but he is so much like me that we often clash. And he does get annoyed with me and he snaps (as children do today; I myself never dreamt of snaping at my parents). He is probably the only person on this planet who can really hook me - and this comes from me. The story of his conception and birth meant that I gave him power over me. But than, I thought I will never have anyone call me "mummy", the responsibility...

I also worry a lot at the moment - I worry about how is the fact that we are broke going to affect him; I worry that I am becoming too pre-occupied with this 'learning to control money' thing so in effect 'money still largely controls me'; I worry about working too long and not spending much time with little boy...

Firewalker

savingwannabe

I bet if you asked him in 10 years time about his childhood it would be that he knew his mum and dad loved him without question and that he was safe.

We cannot achve at the top of Maslow's hierarchy in all stages of our lives all of the time. No one can. Unless you become a hermit and sit on top of a tree in the Himalays or something.

From my perspective, you are doing a brilliant job. Enjoy your day with him. Focus on being happy dear friend. You are amazing, try not to worry.

:j

Firewalker

Today was little boy's birthday party - although his birthday was about 6 weeks ago. He had a swimming party at a very nice swimming pool and we prepared all the food. Gosh, I seem to be becoming a domestic Goddess - Nigela eat your heart, but I don't do finger licking. Had what children like - sandwiches (most popular the ones with chocolate spread), sausages, and chicken legs. Experimented with the chicken legs a bit - oven baked them with olive oil, lemon and honey - and they were delicious (OH shared in the experiment and contributed the honey).

The big surprise was that little boy insisted that I make cakes - so there was me multi-tasking. Making cakes while OH was putting colour on my hair. Both the colour and the cakes worked. And the whole thing was very MSE-like. But the main thing - little boy was very, very pleased and happy.

The party was a success - all little boys and girls had great time and were raving about it (we hear).

Apart from that I worked out the two practical things that I would like to achieve - in some detail. But about this one - tomorrow. Now need to go to bed - feeling totally shattered.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Excellent! Rest today.

But i know you won't. You will be planning a trek up the Himalayas to interview a hermit in your search for self actualisation!!!!

Have a good'un.

savingwannabe

Oh my gosh, have you read today's Sunday Times. Did you write this?

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/minette_marrin/article7113966.ece

Firewalker

Just read the article – and I wish I wrote it. It is good and in the last three paragraphs she really nailed it.

This article also reminded of something a rather elderly aunt of mine said when we went back to the Continent last month. She is 86 and still very mentally active and interested – physically not too bad either. We were discussing politics – as you do when you have not seen somebody for five years where I come from – and suddenly she said ‘But life does not need to be so difficult and unpleasant. It can be really nice if people only knew that all they need is something to eat, something to wear and somewhere to live.’

And I was sitting there, mouth open, absorbing the wisdom of my aunt’s saying. Absolutely correct – human needs are really simple. As to the rest it is mainly greed and addiction.

Savingwannabe, I was planning to have a little run today and read a nice book. Everyone else has really bad hay fever so contact with nature not likely. But thinking about it planning a treck up a high mountain sounds like a really fit idea. Would you join me?

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Sweetie one of my friends regularly climbs Mount Everest, He is like you a high achiever. The closest i ever get is sponsoring for his latest charitable event (he just finished the Marathon de Sables - madness) and praying he will come back in one piece.

Just come back from supermarket in a taxi. I am shattered!!! I am happy to sponsor you on your latest endeavour too!

:j

Firewalker

Today OH and I were having coffee, chatting and I did mention what my aunt said – apparently I never translated the conversation for him.

‘She is wrong’ – he said. ‘Something to eat, to wear and somewhere to live are things all animals need. People need more than that, they need imagination, creativity, space.’

And this got me thinking about needs again. Now there is Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. He is the fellow who claimed that humans are motivated by needs and these needs are five types: biological and physiological, safety, belonging and love, esteem and self-actualisation. More importantly Maslow had this idea that the different needs form really strict hierarchy – if one searches on Google there are these colourful pyramids that are a visualisation of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. In other words, to be able to appreciate beauty one has to have had his/her biological needs met. Or if one needs sex one cannot have love (level 1 and level 3). If one is sleep deprived one can’t appreciate art, or aim to be the best they could be.

Maslow has been criticised extensively – main weakness of his theory is arguably the sequential nature of the hierarchy. Whist the theory will have us believe that it is not possible to jump levels, the empirical world does not substantiate such claim. Hungry people can appreciate beauty, sleep deprived mothers can have esteem and everybody can achieve self-actualisation.

This made me think: do we really need more? Or do we need differently? Is my security the same as yours? For me ‘something to wear’ means cloths that are comfortable, relatively presentable and clean. But for someone else ‘something to wear’ means a Fendi.

On the road to learning to control money the matter of needs is a road block – will get back to it.

Firewalker