Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Firewalker

A quick mail before we are off to the cinema. Feel that I need to share two things.

First, the good people of the constituency where I am have chosen the Lib Dem candidate (he is currently our MP) who is smarmy and does not always tell the truth. And this in preference to a lovely young woman with great ideas and presence – the Labour candidate! But then, not telling the truth probably is not such a character fault in an MP...
A good week MSE- wise! Managed to spend on everything (outside large budgeted items and meat) £90.97 and this pleases me no end. There was no deprivation and in fact this included stuff for little boy’s birthday party and a pair of children’s running shoes.

Ninky, thanks for your post and Jo – need to think about yours. Will get back to you tomorrow but what you said is very much in line with what I have been thinking.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Have been re-reading Jo’s post and thinking about it. In her post Jo raised several very interesting and important questions. Tonight I would approach these in the hope that it will help me sort out some of my thoughts on the ‘hierarchy of needs’ and (ultimately) the practical possibilities for sticking with a strict financial regime and debt repayment.

The first point Jo made was that her hierarchy of needs ‘is either not immediately apparent or fluid and changing with circumstances’. Absolutely correct – this appears to be the case most of the time. Most of us have actually never taken the time to reflect upon what really matters to us, or in other words what are our high ranking wants. So what we think of as high ranking wants might turn out to be incorrect. I find this really funny – I have lived with myself for 47 ½ years now and I am astounded by the extent of my ignorance about my-self. Examples? I always thought that I work best late at night – until seven years ago I discovered that early in the morning I can do a day’s work in two hours. I thought I like jewellery – but in fact for me jewellery encapsulates the stories and memories associated with the particular pieces. Getting to know and understand your ‘hierarchy of wants’ is a process of self discovery which under normal circumstances we rarely do. But in trying times I believe it becomes necessary. Dealing with loads of debt over a long time might just be such time.

One’s hierarchy of wants is always fluid and dynamic. It can change because the ‘wants’ have changed, because the same wants take different positions or both. And all this happens because our lives and our experiences are dynamic. Again, under normal circumstances few people reflect on the fact that they want different things under different life conditions.

Next, Jo mentioned that she ‘did not allow herself to want nice clothes’. This not only makes sense but is fairly wide spread. We suppress (consciously or not) the desire for things we are convinced we cannot have. I, for example, did not want to have children – because I thought I cannot have any. Speculating how I would have felt if the IVF did not work is probably a wasteful exercise. And I obviously think that little boy is the best thing that ever happened to me. But I still would say that I never had the uncontrollable primal urge to reproduce or the fascination with babies and children that some of my friends have. I actually think that we can suppress ‘wants’ – but this does not have negative psychological effects only when these are not highly ranking wants.

And last but not least ‘Jo’s dilemma’ which many of us share – is it better for one to continue paying back at the initial rate or gradually allow for a bit of pleasure and ‘luxury’. Here the answer depends mainly on how long paying the debt would take. If paying the debt off will take several years it is a marathon and success depends on pacing– in other words allowing for some pleasure in life for oneself and the ones around us. Trying to sprint a marathon is the way to fail.

This post became too long, I am afraid. Will leave with the saying of the day:

“I have plenty of nothing and nothing is plenty for me.” – Porgy and Bess

Firewalker

Firewalker

A weekend of contentment – managed to do many things I either love or have come to like and appreciate. Went to the cinema three times, would you believe. First, saw a really terrific movie with little boy – ‘How to train your dragon’. Saw two ‘grown up’ movies as well – ‘The Ghost’ and ‘The Back-up Plan’: both acceptable in their own ways but nothing to get very excited about. All of this was rather MSE though: OH and I have unlimited cinema cards which more than paid for themselves only this weekend; took 3D glasses from home for movie with little boy; and the main thing – no sweets, pop-corn or nasty sugary drinks bought at the cinema. Which is good not only for the household budget but also for our waistlines.

Did loads of baking this weekend – yesterday made a cake and honey and cinnamon biscuits from my mother’s recipe book (a well used hand-written notebook in fact). Would like to become more adventurous and try some of the really hard stuff that is in the notebook – apart from all else these recipes say things like ‘put enough flour so that the dough doesn’t feel too hard or too soft’. What? Delia, help!

Found some-time to just sit and read – finishing The Last Templar by Raymond Khoury. Find it fascinating – it is a well written and constructed book, but I am also very interested in the subject. There is a historical hypothesis that the Knights Templar were an offshoot of the Cathars. The Cathars in turn are the ideological offspring of Bogomilism – a heresy that originated in the Bulgarian Empire in the 10th century. And Bogomilism interests me greatly.

And for the first time ever and rather swiftly we managed to sell something – a climbing frame we bought at great expense some years back and little boy never played on. Sold it for £50 – let this be the first of many. I got so enthused by our commercial aptitude that immediately put out three pairs of shoes I would like to sell – do shoes sell on e-bay? These are really nice pairs – and hardly ever worn.

Now back to reading – have to finish this book. Later will cook “chicken legs a la Firewalker” – the secret is roasting the legs with a bit of lemon juice and honey. Absolutely delicious.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Wonderful cheerful news Firewalker.

Yes, Ebay trades in everything. Today i have posted lots of eclectic CD's fingers crossed someone likes Bruce Springsteen, Suzannne Vega, Midnight Oil and Carole King!

I hope you continue to have a wonderful weekend minus 3 fantastic pairs of shoes!!!

:j

Firewalker

Today was a difficult day – had loads to do, had a big argument with little boy and taking strong antibiotic which makes me tired. So don’t feel like writing about my day on any more detail but would like to discuss what I call ‘phantom wants’ instead.

In a previous post I did touch on the difference and relationship between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’. There I mentioned that our ‘wants’ are the skeleton and the muscle of our actions whereby the ‘needs’ these relate to provide the skin (or respectability). More importantly, in this post I argued that we act on our ‘wants’ rather than our ‘needs’. Thus, to control spending we ought to ask ourselves ‘why do I want this’ rather than ‘do I need this’. A strong ‘want’ can always justify a ‘need’.

A ‘phantom want’ is usually something that parades as a high ranking want but at a closer look it is not what we want but what we believe we should want. I realise that this does not seem very clear set out like that so it would probably be easier using examples.

I have a close friend who is looking to buy a house at the moment. The other day he was telling me that they saw this really nice house but there is a problem – the house doesn’t have a large garden.

‘I didn’t know you like gardening’ – I said.
‘I don’t’ – my friend replied – ‘In fact I know next to nothing about gardens and plants.’
‘Does your wife like gardening?’ – I asked.
‘No’ – he said – ‘She likes growing vegetables but she has a small allotment’.
‘But why is having a garden so important to you?’
‘Because of my son’ – my friend said. ‘He needs a garden to play.’

And that is when I looked back and realised that little boy hardly ever played or plays in the garden. If he plays around here he usually goes on the road with the other children of the street (it is a cul-de-sac). Mostly we go to the local parks to play and sometimes we go to the big parks a drive away. This made me think that among the criteria for choosing a house when one has children the important ones probably are: proximity of parks and proximity and quality of schools. Interestingly enough, my friend did not mention any of these.

My friend’s ‘want’ for a large(ish) garden is a ‘phantom’ want: it appeared to be a high ranking ‘want’ but under scrutiny it was not a ‘want’ at all.

Firewalker

Firewalker

What a circus our politics is at the moment – friends from the continent tell me that we are the sole source of entertainment. And the interesting thing is that objectionable as their behaviour at the moment is no one can really blame the Lib Dems. For the first time ever they have something to sell – be it themselves – and are in a bargaining position. Of course, they will have a good look around and go to the highest bidder. Well, this does make me think about the differences and similarities between the two ancient professions but it is not unexpected.

It is more interesting to reflect upon the conundrums of democracy. How are the people who voted – by conviction and not for objection – for the Lib Dems going to feel having voted in the Tories and their policies? Or, for that matter Labour? How is any coalition Government going to work given the large differences between the parties?

Someone today said that there is a common ground between the Tories and the Lib Dems – both parties are against ID cards. But this is so minor. It is like claiming that two people have loads in common and will be friends because they have blue eyes. Do you select any of your friends according to the colour of their eyes? I don’t and I suspect that when it comes to the workings of Government more essential policies would be important.

Right – back to work now. Let see what does today hold.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Just back from work – cycled in and back which is about nine miles. Most of today was listening to presentation, concentrating and trying to appear knowledgeable and helpful. Today was also a family NSD – our forth for May and have pledged 10 of those. Probably doable. Since this is shaping as an overall good day – although I am feeling too tired to go to running club – there is no harm in sitting here and relaxing a bit while rationalising the whole ‘control spending’ – ‘pay debt’ thing.

I would like to get back to ‘phantom’ wants because the more I think about it the more important these are for our financial health and general wellbeing. Yesterday, I tried to illustrate what I mean by a ‘phantom’ want by giving an example how we have come to believe that having a garden is a high ranking want/need for the sake of our children. It would have been a completely different story, mind, if my friend or his wife really liked gardening, or for that matter spending time outside in the garden. Then, having a garden would have been a proper ‘want’ although its relative position in the hierarchy would have depended on the other wants.

Some ‘phantom’ wants, I believe, feed our irrational fears, usually related to basic ‘needs’ – such as the need for food, shelter, warmth etc. – and prevent us from seeing and acting upon the best course of action. What do I mean and how is this relevant to my situation?

As you know I have been trying to deal with our debt. I did also mention once that I have cleaned all four bathrooms in the house. What I have never mentioned is that my nights are filled with nightmares where I am not able to provide food for little boy, that we find ourselves homeless – basically nightmares worthy of a Dickens novel. Not so much now – writing this diary does help me put things in perspective, but for several months before this was my life. Or shall I say sleep, or even more precisely the lack of. How likely is for any of this to happen? Probably not very. Realistically the worst thing that could happen is that we might need to sell this house and downsize. This terrifies me. Why?

Because I have come to regard this house as our home and through that it has become a ‘phantom’ want. I think it is a high ranking need but: we have a fairly large mortgage; it is expensive to run and maintain; and the main thing – it is too large for us. We also have quite a bit of equity – in any case enough to buy a smaller house without or with a very small mortgage and pay off all the debt.

In fact, in terms of our long term financial health the best course of action might be to sell this house, to get either a large apartment or a smaller house (possibly with a small mortgage) and then use the surplus in our earnings to build assets.

But whilst I can finally see this possibility and entertain it rationally my fear is still there. Because the ‘phantom’ is still there.
And the saying for today is:

“It ain’t no use putting up your umbrella till it rains.” – Alice Caldwell Rice

Firewalker

Firewalker

I’d better start where I left off – with the saying by Alice Caldwell Rice. Now, I don’t know how did you interpret this saying but in my mind it meant ‘there is not much point worrying’. So I was sitting here, thinking to myself ‘There. OH is right. You shouldn’t worry about things so much. Alice Caldwell Rice was probably right – when the rain starts then open you umbrella.’ Before I managed to convince myself in that an old Mahalia Jackson song filled my head – ‘Smoking, drinking, never thinking of tomorrow.’ And the gospel did not sound like not thinking about tomorrow is the right thing to do.

So this got me thinking some more about umbrellas and rain. And that is when I saw it – yes one possible interpretation is ‘there is no point worrying, live for today’ but the other one is ‘make sure that you have your umbrella with you’. And I am a ‘make sure you have your umbrella with you’ girl – and whether I open the umbrella when it is not raining (yet) or not depends on how afraid I am of the rain.

Sayings are not much use if we see them as principles – but they are invaluable points for reflection.

Yesterday I forgot to tell you that something rather extraordinary happened – I was taken for a PhD student by one of the PhD students I had not taught, and by a woman at that. Made me feel great – the biggest compliment I have received for a long time.

And the saying for today is:

“You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough” – Joseph E Levin

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Bless you Firewalker.

Firewalker

Have been feeling very tired and this is starting to worry me. Because feeling tired makes me snappy, being snappy damages all my relationships, bad relationships make me unhappy and being unhappy makes me greedy – so I eat and spend. Here – a direct link between being tired and being fat and broke (I know I am probably not really fat, just well built).
The thing is that I cannot understand why do I feel so tired – my feeling is that I don’t do that much. Or is it that I don’t manage to get that much done. The difference is subtle but important – what I have noticed is that even if we do much if we don’t see the outcome it seems we don’t. That is why one of the self help books I rate really highly – in fact probably one of the very few self help books I’ve read – entitled ‘Working smart’ advises to ensure that we finish at least one thing every day. For me this is a struggle. In my world starting things is easy, wonderful and exhilarating. Finishing things, on the other hand, is difficult not to say impossible. So a possible reason to feel tired might be that that I try to do too much, do too much and worry about the bits I am too busy to do.

Another reason might be all this cycling I am doing. This week have been in the office four times and cycled three – it is nine miles round trip. Apart from that have started going to the gym again and doing what I call runnettes – these are small(ish) runs of about 4-5 miles. So there is the possibility that I am doing too much exercise and probably should go on the bus more often – at least one way and run or walk the other way.

It is also true that I have probably not been sleeping long enough. There is always something to do - movies and TV to watch, books to read, things to write...So we have been going to bed really late and I get up early; altogether I have about six hours sleep. So it is possible that I am honestly tired and should make an effort to go to bed earlier.

Oh blast! OH just got back from yoga and I told him that I don’t know why I am feeling so tired. He said one word ‘Antibiotics’. Yep, they make you feel tired as well.

Otherwise today has not been a bad day. And the best thing is that young man has a job interview tomorrow – the first one in the last eight months or so. He was so pleased and I say ’fingers crossed’.

And finally, the saying for today.

“I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.’ – Sir Isaac Newton after losing a fortune in the South Sea Bubble

Now after I finish a presentation I will go to bed – relatively early.

Firewalker