Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Firewalker

I am sitting at my desk having a break from my job and looking at the spreadsheet with our budget. It is not looking too bad really but instead of making me glad this vexes me today. And I ask myself again, how is it possible that two reasonably intelligent, thinking and reflexive people like OH and me be so stupid. How is it possible that we have been so wasteful for so long that it got us in such trouble? Given that after I lost over £10,000 of my yearly salary (because of getting out of management) and we added roughly £1,000 of expenditure on our after tax monthly takings we can live on what comes in and save £300 per month, if we were not that wasteful we could have paid the mortgage off by now. My estimate is that we were overspending by about £1,500 per month but don’t ask me on what.

And here I have to face up to three things. First, I finally have accepted my responsibility for the situation we are in. This is good because I have stopped shouting at OH but we can now share the burden of getting out of this predicament. Second, if we did not live such wasteful life for so long our life probably would have been different. What kind of waste? Well very big one. Let’s put it this way – if we did not pay £330 p.m. for life insurance for 12 years but saved it we will have...well a lot. And three, some saying work and don’t have another side like ‘Watch small expenditure...’. I used to have up to five coffees a day at £1 a go...And yes, I did eventually find the ‘de-motivator’ tool on this website. Problem is that by the time one finds the de-motivator the deed has been done, they are in trouble and they have possibly worked out what is wrong.

Sitting here, at my desk; taking a break and feeling vexed about the past and worried about the future.

And here is another dilemma I am struggling with. There is a job going which I could probably get. If I do my salary will double (at least) which means that paying off the debt will accelerate considerably. But here is the downside. My soul is the soul of an academic – I just happen to be better than the average academic at building and managing organisations (this BTW is not that hard given that most academics really stink at it). I teach philosophy and do research in sociology and philosophy of science, critical science and policy. I most certainly object to what is happening to the universities – both in research and teaching, and training. Getting this job will mean no research, hardly any sensible writing, and no deviation from the ‘corporate line’ – which I don’t buy into. So, ultimately applying for this job starts sounding like the road to perdition.

Dilemma: do I go for this job and pay the debt fast but feel disgruntled and unhappy or continue teaching, research and writing and hope that eventually this will bring rewards?

Any ideas very eagerly awaited and gratefully received.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Hi, Firewalker. I work in education too. My income has halved since I was ill and have reduced my hours and have removed myself from the shackles of a full time teaching/management position. I do not regret it for a moment.

I am able to look at the garden, it is currently full of robins and beautiful flowers. I can walk to and from work rather than being too exhausted and having to pay for daily taxis. I am a workaholic and it is really hard to force myself to not work but slowly i am starting to enjoy fun things like using this marvellous site and making new friends. Occasionally i am able to have my wonderful nieces for the weekend.

Financially I am still very well off as i am on my own and my house is paid for but I am making time to follow the MSE rules so i learn to use my money wisely. I feel much better off as I am not frittering away money with nothing to show for it.

I wish i had reduced my hours and responsibility sooner. The difference it has made to my sanity and health is invaluable. I love teaching economics and now i have time to enjoy it too.

I hope this helps.

SW.

Firewalker

Feeling a bit better – just back from a 4.96 miles run. All of it done on the only hill in Manchester. On the top of the hill there is a pub – so running up and down the hill several times provided the entertainment.

Tomorrow little boy is doing a race – the Manchester Junior Run. When booking a place I clearly forgot how old he is and requested to run with him. Now we have a race number for him and a thing saying ‘ADULT’ for me. Oh dear! This issue of my adulthood is cropping up again. OH suggested that I draw a question mark after the word – thinking about it probably not a bad idea. But un-necessary – little boy does not want me to run with him. Which is fair enough and he has to be allowed to grow up.

This, however, got me worried. Is he going to be able to pace himself? The race is only 2.5 k but without pacing it will still be hard to finish. Only the thought of little boy not finishing and how disappointing this will be for him makes my heart break into thousand pieces and the pain is unbearable.

But then I thought that this is OK – if this were to happen it would be a good opportunity for little boy to learn that success comes after many failures and that failure as such is not a bad thing. In fact, how smart we are is not defined by how much we succeed or fail but by how much we learn when we fail.

Firewalker

joshua_blue

I started reading this diary last night & it is very long so i continued tonight & my 1st comment is...... WOW

Firewalker

He did it – little boy not only finished the race but he actually run it quite fast. This is turning out to be a lovely day. Feel so proud of little boy and not only because of his running, and his willingness to go through the pain of pushing hard.

But let me tell you the story. Boys are usually competitive – thinking about it, girls are competitive as well. When we arrived at the race venue we met with other children and parents we knew. One of the boys, a friend little boy met when they were both about three weeks old, said with great conviction:

‘I am going for the win.’
‘What do you mean?’ – I said.
‘I am going to win this one.’ – he replied.

Little boy was standing quietly on the side – he had told me several days ago that he will never win a race. Now, there are different ways to deal with this one. On the one hand, you could say ‘But of course you will do darling’ which sounds encouraging but can have really devastating effect – if they don’t they feel bad because they have betrayed your trust as well. On the other, you could agree with them – in that case they stop having expectations of themselves as well. I went for explaining that every time one finishes a race one wins. But I did not have any idea whether it has taken or not.

So we were standing there, friend saying he will win, little boy keeping quiet and looking subdued, mothers going into you win anyway routine. And then the race started. We moved to the finish – shortly after little boy appeared looking serious and sprinting to the finish line. A minute after, friend finished as well.

They got their goody bags and we were hanging around when little boy looked at his friend, smiled and said: ‘We all won.’

And I could have burst with pride – this is my boy.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Baby Firewalker is going to be some great man when he grows up!!!! Well done.

joshua_blue

These moments fill parents with joy & are priceless

Firewalker

Sometime ago I set myself two goals – one weight and running related and one financial health related. From looking at my records it seems that I am doing much better on the financial health one than the weight one.

Still have not been on scales – I hate scales. Every time I see what I actually weight my heart sinks and I actually start thinking that it is a miracle that I can run at all; what about running faster. Oh yes, and I get really grumpy which probably makes me eat more of the stuff that should be avoided. But getting on the scales seems unavoidable this time – my goal is to lose 10kg. How am I going to know whether I have done it if there is no starting point and end point (and everything in between)? Can go by clothes but this is very approximate...Later today, I will have to brave the dreaded scales and see – but the outcome, if really disappointing, will be kept private and announced as ‘n’.

Yet another matter of concern is my eating at present. Scoffing is to large degree a thing of the past, not eating dessert is not so hard to do any more, but have developed a fixation on mints. Not all the time but only when I write – and given that I have been doing little else lately this probably means most of my waking time. How am I going to lose any if I eat sugar continuously? Needs attention this – would it be possible to shift this fixation on mints to something else, possibly not food?

On the financial health side, things are progressing nicely. Our accounts for last week show expenditure of £85.48 (£38.42 on food and £47.05 on other things) – which is down very markedly from £150 - £200, usually at the end of the month when we obviously started watching the expenditure a bit more. Also last week’s spend includes little boy going swimming at his friend’s club and cinema (about £18 altogether). If we keep going like that this month all will be well – in fact some of last month’s deficit will be wiped off.

Thinking about how something with which we/I struggled for so long is finally happening, it seems to me that the way to do it for us involved: budgeting for all regular but larger items; drawing cash for the week. This way, comfort is not affected much but we can control ‘little expenditure’ – which as we all know can amount to a lot, mostly on stuff that is not really wanted, is hardly used and gets thrown away (or used to) because it clutters the place.

Now little boy, his friend and I will be off to see friend’s mum, who is also my friend, run Manchester 10K very fast. I was not tempted – I am such a slow starter in everything that by the time I have started running seriously 10K races finish. Not my distance but will be nice to hang about and watch for change.

Speak soon.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Just checked little boy's race result. He ran 2.5 K in 12.28 - not bad, not bad at all.

Firewalker

Firewalker

It was a very good and pleasurable weekend altogether. Manchester was transformed into the capital of running – on Saturday the children, on Sunday the grownups. It was wonderful yesterday for me – I very rarely watch races and when you are running one the perspective is entirely different. Watching all these people of different ages, shapes, sizes, colours fitness levels and gender running made me quite emotional and hopeful. Where did the hope come from?

I have come to realise that most of us live really contradictory lives most of the time. What do I mean? In all Western civilisations (calling our societies this for lack of a better term though whether they are civilised is debatable) people generally eat too much – and also eat too much of the wrong things. At the same time, one of my great fears is that I won’t be able, literally, to feed my family. Thus, about 10-15% of humanity eat too much and the rest don’t have much to eat.

Eating too much means that, if we don’t want to become really large, we need to exercise. And here the love of technology comes into the picture. I believe that the story of science is the story about our increased control over nature and society (how successful is another matter) and the story of technology is the story of our everyday lives becoming easier and us moving less and expending less energy. Simply put, because of eating too much and moving too little for everyday tasks we have to make special time for exercise.

Having decided to exercise we join a gym. We still drive to the corner shops, drive to the gym – in fact I find it really amusing to watch people trying to park as close to the entrance of the gym as possible. Once inside many walk on the treadmill really slowly.

So we eat too much so we need exercise; we use technology so we don’t exercise by completing everyday tasks; we join a gym, drive there so that we can walk on a technical device. Meanwhile, we overspend on food, on cars, petrol, gadgets and electricity, and on gym membership. And we never have time...

Am I the only one who finds this strange? At least the thousands of people in Manchester running last weekend broke part of the cycle.

And I still have not been on the dreaded scales.

Firewalker