Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

elantan

Could it be that in public domain there are seemingly alot of unhappy rich people ? I don't want to be rich ... But equally I don't not want to be rich ... I would say for me I don't want money to define me ... Money is just that money ... It helps purchase things it helps pay for bills ... It helps people abuse others ... But it's just money

I don't feel the need to be either rich comfortable or poor I feel more of a need to be me and defined by me

I read your notes above firewalker and find I am fairly similar to u in a few ways

elantan

Sorry if that doesn't make sense am on the stupid iPhone again

williamD1964

well, I appear to be the exception on here. I want to be financially rich as well as emotionally rich. I have the latter, just need the former, on which I am working hard on! Hope all is well, have my tickets for the game tonight. Am like a little kid going to his first game!

elantan

No I don't think you are the exception( sorry ) firewalker wants to be rich also ... Which I can understand ... Enjoy the game

Firewalker

williamD1964 wrote: »

well, I appear to be the exception on here. I want to be financially rich as well as emotionally rich. I have the latter, just need the former, on which I am working hard on! Hope all is well, have my tickets for the game tonight. Am like a little kid going to his first game!

Enjoy the game, William. And you are different - in that you say clearly that you want to be rich. I do but I am just approaching a state where I can say it.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Tonight I would like to go a bit deeper in my background and why I believe that it is a contributing factor to my un-healthy relationship with money. My parents were stout and uncompromising communists who raised me to believe that rich people are the villains and that all people should have enough but no that no one should have much more than that. Looks like pretty straight forward and expected, right? Well it is not so...

To begin with, my parents always wanted more and encouraged me to want more. But they wanted more education, more recognition, more respect. My Mum in particular really wanted more education – her education was disrupted by the War and by family events so she transferred this ambition to me. What she had decided is that since getting formal education was not possible she will get knowledge – and that is what she did all her life. She was the reflexive, craving one in the family. Probably that is why in education I went the whole way – now the only way for me to get more education is to go horizontally.

My Dad was a communist – in fact during the War he was in his mid-teens and he spent some time in prison because of his political persuasion. He was always careful with money – as I mentioned before my parents always saved – but I think that this was mainly result of living through the War; this is how that generation was affected everywhere. He had disdain for money but it was healthy disdain – meaning that he never allowed money to trouble him. In fact he always said – and still does say – that he has enough. The secret is that his family was very, very well off. My great, grand-father was one of the biggest land-owners in the area. My Dad’s childhood memories are about his grandfather putting him on his horse’s back and riding for the whole day to oversee the land and the work on the land. My grandfather, apart from inheriting some of this land, was also an accountant. Let put it this way – when his daughter married a dentist his wedding present to his new son-in-law was a fully equipped cabinet. I think that my Dad became such devoted communist and had a healthy disdain for money exactly because his family was rich. My Mum’s family was not poor either – but they were also Macedonian educators and revolutionaries at the beginning of the 20th century.

Of course my Dad gave his father’s land in the socialist co-operative when the Communist regime took over in 1944. My granddad was keener on his moral convictions (he was a devoted pacifist) than his wealth – it was my father’s inheritance anyway.

I believe that one of the results of this is my ambivalence and my unhealthy relationship with money. I am the carrier of my mother’s longing and my father’s disdain. And I am going to change this.

The saying for today is:

“You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” - C.S. Lewis

Firewalker

Firewalker

I re-read my last two post and feel rather ashamed. Whilst I still do find them useful to try and get to the roots of my relationship with money they do sound self indulgent and this is something I really don’t like to indulge in. There is also the fear that my current relationship with money is no healthier that my disdain and that I have moved from disdainful indifference to obsessive preservation.

My experience and feelings today were an example of what I am trying to say. We had to go and look at bathrooms; the end of September is near and we still have not chosen the stuff that will go in the bathrooms. This is the last weekend we can do it in – we have to order and the weekend after next I am off to America (how convenient, and leaving poor OH to cope with the rest). Would you believe that in the shop I had a panic attack? I was sitting there listening to a rather stroppy sales person, my heart racing, my chest tight and covered in perspiration. I just feel uncomfortable a thinking about spending anything than food. And I most certainly don’t want to use any of the money we have put on the side – the funny thing is that a proportion of this money was put aside so that we can do the bathrooms.

An hour later we went to another shop where I bought a gadget – not very expensive one but still...I am still having palpitations about it – six months ago I have been upstairs, playing with my new toy (a very useful one which will pay for itself within four months) and now I am sitting here feeling guilty.

All this will have to change. I am a magnet for good will and prosperity; I have more than enough and I am rich; I have created wealth for my children and OH and I have comfortable life. (she continues to mutter while moving on)

Now about something that might make you laugh. I have mentioned before that in our house God is at best an insurance policy and at worst seen as highly objectionable. Last night Little Boy and I were having one of our ‘little conversations’ when he said:

“Mummy, I don’t think that I am using my brain very much, you know.”
“Mmmm...You better start. Daddy and I gave you a really good one.” – I replied.
“God gave me a good brain.” – he said.
“Forget about God, it was us; it is our genes, it is us who are bringing you up.”
He smiled, looked towards the ceiling and said: “Did you hear this, Father?”

I could not stop laughing – my Little Boy is using his brain and he has a sense of humour.

Also I received one of the books I ordered the other day – unfortunately the font is so small that I will need to buy new glasses to read it. This is what happens when you order a book for 1p, I suppose.

“If something happens once it might not happen again, but if it happens twice it will certainly happen again.” – Paolo Coelho

Firewalker

Firewalker

Right! You know I was saying that I can’t read a particular book because the font size is so small? I managed to read some. And according to the author one is rich when one has ‘more than enough’. Cheri, if you are reading I have news for you – you are already rich, dear. And probably so are loads of us here – I, for instance, also have ‘more than enough’.

And here is the catch – ‘more than enough’ is always relative. Yep, many of will have to admit that we are rich and we have more than enough for our needs – even the ones among us who have some negative wealth and because of this times are a bit hard. But even when we have negative wealth by reducing it we are still increasing our wealth. So, why do we want more?

We want more for two reasons. One is that having enough for us and our families can change very rapidly – as rapidly as our wants change. I have more than enough but if I don’t rule my wants in I will have to accumulate more riches or I will have to increase my negative wealth. And since increasing the negative wealth is not an option the only viable possibility is to have more money. Two, having enough for oneself and for one’s family might not be enough if one expands the circle. I have enough for me and for my immediate family – OH and sons. But it is a stretch to have enough for my elderly Dad, and it is certainly not enough for doing considerable good.

Why do I want to be richer? This is a question that Little Boy asked me the other night and this is a question that I have been asking myself. I have come up with five reasons to be richer.

1. I want to be richer so that I am independent from any political and/or economic craziness. I want to be rich so that I have complete discretion over what I do and do things for love and enjoyment – not because I have to.
2. I want to be richer so that I don’t even have to worry about my old age, my pension, the future of my family – although as I have said before I have a cunning plan that bypasses the need for pension.
3. I want to be richer so that I can start foundations providing opportunities to all.
4. I want to be richer so that I can fund research in areas that governments don’t – they don’t because these are either considered problems of the poor, or too fundamental to give immediate payback. Or too wacky...
5. I want to be richer so I can start foundations supporting education – education as a right, not as a privilege.

How about this yacht, then? Frankly I don’t particularly like yachts and I am not a very good at sea (Ninky, if you are still reading, I might get one just so I could invite you on it). I am very happy where I live although the house can do with decorating. But as I say – my kitchen is fine; after all I can cook in it.

My friends, the race is on.

I’ll leave you now with two of the lessons about happiness that Hector discovered on his travels.

“Happiness is knowing that your family lacks for nothing.” and “Happiness is doing a job you love.” – Hector and the search for happiness

Firewalker

Firewalker

Tonight I would like to reflect upon and write about the importance of the crises in life. Do you fear crises? I do – or I used to do. Where this fear of crises does comes from? I believe that this fear of crises is instilled in us through the development of civilisation and the build up of relative affluence. Have you noticed that what we call ‘civilisation’ in everyday life refers mainly to our material prosperity and to the fact that our lives are becoming more comfortable and easy? Thus we start placing disproportionate value on comfort and safety, which works against risk taking and change. And crisis actually is what immediately precedes change. Have you also noticed that in relatively economically depressed areas (even whole countries) people are much less safety conscious than people in richer areas of town and in richer countries?

The more ‘civilised’ and affluent we become the more we try to avoid discomfort and risk taking. This monotonous existence becomes our life, it becomes our natural state. And we don’t even realise that this monotony is what stops us developing and achieving – whatever it is we wish to achieve. Until we reach a crisis point, that is.

Crisis is another way to say that a situation has become intolerable – the pain, suffering and discomfort of maintaining the status quo outweigh the fear of change. We change our thoughts, feelings and actions usually as a result of crisis. This can hit you like a freight train or gently but continuously squeeze you (or stretch you) like a medieval rack; the crisis can be a major event or something relatively minor that touches a nerve. Just read the stories on this forum – behind every LBM there is a crisis situation.

I have come to believe that our lives will be much more exciting if we court crisis rather than fear it. Here three things are very important: to recognise a crisis; to learn from a crisis rather than ignore or fear it; and dance with the crisis rather than be defeated by it.

I know that my crises are becoming the building blocks of my growth.

“I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.” – Woody Allen

Firewalker

Pippajo

Firewalker - I have just finished page 1 and am enthralled. Your writing and thoughts are incredible, you have an amazing way with words that I can hear your voice talking to me even though I have never met you.

I will now continue reading.........