Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Karmacat

Oh FW! Poor you .... don't take it so much to heart - its horrible, absolutely, but its just a few moments. Totally support what chev and marru have written. Please be kind to yourself.

Triciaxx

Firewalker wrote: »

After a promising start my day deteriorated fast to end being completely horrid. Little Boy and I had a big argument - mainly because he hardly ever hears ort does what I ask him to. And today it was too much.

Am I destroying both of us? Gosh I am feeling so bad - have the feeling that my heart is going to break.

FW

Oh dear! I'm sorry you feel so bad but try to get some perspective on this. What is your most important role in LBs life? To help and guide him so that he grows up into a competent and balanced adult.

Does he need to learn to deal with conflict? Yes.
Does he need to learn that his mother is human? Yes.
Does he need to learn to pull his weight and do his share when asked? Yes.
Do all mothers feel they don't measure up? YES.

You will never lose that sense of 'did I do the right thing?' 'Could I have done better?'

Two of my little darlings are older than you - and I still feel guilt if they have a problem.:eek:

se999

Just a thought based on personal experience. Little boy is now probably getting major hormonal changes!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're on the way to being young adults, but the hormone hypes on the way make it difficult for both sides.

Calling him 'little boy' fixes him in that mindset in your eyes. You need to move on to tween/teenager/young adult etc..

Around this age we treated ours as young adults, and involved them in decisions etc too..

Being a parent is about enabling them to be the full blown adult indepedent person in their own right in the end, that's what our ultimate responsibility as parents is - well I think it is.

Firewalker

Thank you for your messages, my friends. Today things were a bit better; we did talk and Little Boy (Se, I don't call him that in real life and point taken, will think of another pseudonim) told me that he 'hated' last night; hated all of it. Well, I hated it as well - in fact I did cry in bed last night which happens roughly once every five years or so.

Tonight will have to be brief because feeling tired and had a brilliant session on the 'other side'. People thinking together is a very powerful thing; one just has to find people to think with.

Good night for now.

Firewalker

gilligansyle

Stop beating yourself up! None of us are perfect, I for one would willingly have given my son to anyone who would have him between the ages of 10 and 13. But now, I am told he is a credit to me and his upbringing, so I must have done something right.

Firewalker

After a fairly shaky start today turned out to be OK after all; in fact more than OK – it was great. For variety of reasons!

First, I was really good and have not had anything sweet today – no chocolate, no sweets, no dessert. Only proper meals and not too much of those; have not had any white carbohydrates – but had whole meal toast for breakfast and a bit of the same with my salad for lunch.

Second, for the first time for a long time I did cycle to work and back – highly enjoyable but it was a wonderful day here, bright and sunny but not hot and sticky. However, did not manage to get to the gym again today but given that to the office and back is about 10 miles I have had a bit of exercise. My intention is to build it again to doing exercise every day (except Saturday when it has always been rest). I am a long distance runner and will stay so for at least 25 more years.

Third, I did manage to sort out something that has been dragging for a long time. In brief I wanted to do a piece of experimental research and my colleague (on my project) was opposed for reasons of methodology. Today we discussed the whole thing again and managed to find a way forward – which was a perfect win-win. It seems that I am learning from all these books I have been reading during the last year. The main thing I am learning is that many things in life are not about knowing but about doing.

Tonight we had lovely dinner of orange pork (it is a slow cooker recipe), salad and a bit of cheese (very little bit for me) with my German colleague. He just left.

And tomorrow is another day. I also thought that some may enjoy this:

“ I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. Frank Herbert (Bene Gesserit litany against fear)”

Firewalker

Firewalker

Clarity and vision! And have been losing mine. Lately I seem to be living in a haze of doubt and uncertainty and a daze of tiredness. And I know that some may say that life is like that – that there is always uncertainty and doubt, that we do get tired, not simply feel tired. What I know though is that this kind of doubt means that I cannot decide what do I want or where I do want to be. And if one does not know where he/she wants to be it is not very likely to get there; not anytime soon, not ever.

This is place of few complaints and much learning and reflection. Stating the fact now I will have to look for a solution. How do I decide and how do I commit? And let me say from now that the reason I keep losing my way is not because there is nothing I would like to do or nowhere to go but rather the reverse – I want too many things and there are too many places I want to be.

Thinking about it I did do my dream lines – problem is that after that work got in the way and after the initial push actions were not followed. There doesn’t seem to be enough time in a day for everything – which brings us straight back to the book. Maybe I need to do three things first: a) finish some of the projects I have started and are half done (mainly papers and I also have to decide which ones should be finished); b) decide what I really want to achieve (with highly specific outcomes and deadlines); and c) become really organized. And of course, probably have some rest – proper rest.

Have the feeling that I have written about this before – but as Mario Vargas Llosa said ‘if you repeat something, don’t worry; this only means that it is very important’.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Where is Savingwannabe? Hope she is well.

FW

Karmacat

Firewalker wrote: »

Stating the fact now I will have to look for a solution. How do I decide and how do I commit? And let me say from now that the reason I keep losing my way is not because there is nothing I would like to do or nowhere to go but rather the reverse – I want too many things and there are too many places I want to be.

Thinking about it I did do my dream lines – problem is that after that work got in the way and after the initial push actions were not followed. There doesn’t seem to be enough time in a day for everything – which brings us straight back to the book. Maybe I need to do three things first: a) finish some of the projects I have started and are half done (mainly papers and I also have to decide which ones should be finished); b) decide what I really want to achieve (with highly specific outcomes and deadlines); and c) become really organized. And of course, probably have some rest – proper rest.

These are definitely my issues too, FW - letting the immediate stuff get in the way, and not following up on the longer term goals. Feeling like there isn't enough time in the day - I can *see* where there's more, its in the evening, but I'm so tired when I get there. Working smarter, and prioritising, I guess. It will be a little bit easier for me after the wedding at Easter, but not much, tbh ....

Hope Savingwannabe is okay.

Aesop

Aww, I should have put a blanket message out wherever SW posts, I don't know everywhere she posts, but could follow her trail She has problems with her puter since last week. She ordered a new part, that is not making it work, has ordered more new parts and hoping to be back online on Saturday. She misses everyone and I will let her know you have all been asking about her x