*Easter Weekend Chat-Chocolate, bunnies and Springtime Happiness! All Welcome!*

bank_of_slate

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

The freezer is already full. it is doing that overfreezing thing cos mum didn't shut the door properly. I can hear her trying to fit more stuff in.

She won't meal plan. I have tried so hard to even just get a vague idea of what we will use. but its always the same. she hates shopping and just chucks what ever in - we now have about 30 packets of crisps for example - as she doesn't eat them and I have 1 or 2 packets (which I give to the kids!) with lunch. loads of tins, loads of cleaners. cans of drink. two freezers full of food.

I even gave her the fly lady book to try get her to stop hoarding. I do it too, I know exactly how she feels. but we simply don't live in a big house now. this place is more like a cottage!

The loft is full my room is full, the shed is full, the other shed is full, the spare room is full, her room is full. Her friend wanted to come and see her on her birthday but we both just panicked, the house is far too cluttered. its not ddirty or anything, just completely FULL. I hate it. never felt so trapped in my life.

sorry to go on but honestly I have no idea how to changes things today. I normally have a plan (like the consevatory - which has again become full of crap but at least it worked for a while)

xxx

:grouphug:
I'm sorry hun, can you go out for a bit for a walk or something to clear your head?
...Linda xx

Burlesque_Babe

Can I ask Buffy........did your Mum act like this before you lost your Dad? It sounds as if she is hoarding and maybe almost getting some comfort from having lots of 'stuff' around her even if she doesn't need it.

Sorry if I'm coming at it from completely the wrong angle, but is there anyone you can talk to about it? (obviously as well as us) It's not fair on you to be shouldering it all.

katsu

Buffy - is your mum OK? Buying food she cannot even fit in the freezer does not sound right - did she not know how full the fridge and freezer were before she went out? I wondered (poosibly tactlessly) if she is a bit depressed or something? Really hope this does not offend.

If you have the receipts can you take any of it back - like tins maybe?

If she hates shopping can you go over to online shopping - get it to do repeats of your basket?

katsu

:grouphug: for Buffy

Buffythedebtslayer

bank_of_slate wrote: »

:grouphug:
I'm sorry hun, can you go out for a bit for a walk or something to clear your head?
...Linda xx

Hmmm. I will do my steps later. Had another chat with her just now.

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

Can I ask Buffy........did your Mum act like this before you lost your Dad? It sounds as if she is hoarding and maybe almost getting some comfort from having lots of 'stuff' around her even if she doesn't need it.

Sorry if I'm coming at it from completely the wrong angle, but is there anyone you can talk to about it? (obviously as well as us) It's not fair on you to be shouldering it all.

There are my RL friends, although I don't say much because they know her and I worry they think she is going crazy and I don't think she is, when I ask her why she buys the stuff she says its cos she is going to use what she already has and so this is the replacement (she is sort of a week ahead of herself iyswim). It is a security thing although we have both had conversations about how much stuff we both have and it bothers us.

katsu wrote: »

Buffy - is your mum OK? Buying food she cannot even fit in the freezer does not sound right - did she not know how full the fridge and freezer were before she went out? I wondered (poosibly tactlessly) if she is a bit depressed or something? Really hope this does not offend.

If you have the receipts can you take any of it back - like tins maybe?

If she hates shopping can you go over to online shopping - get it to do repeats of your basket?

She did on line shopping for a bit and it worked well but then that means she never goes out so she went back to shopping again.

Katsu, you haven't offended me at all. I do worry that she does this but then even when I was a kid I hated the freezer, it was always impossible to get stuff in or out!

She never has checked or made a list really. I always had to cos I learnt much of what I know about running house from when I went to uni and was thus skint.

I think to be completely honest neither of us have been happy here the house is small and full of reminders of what could have been.

The last six months both of us have made some progress head wise but things like the habit of shopping for a family don't seem to go. It is abit like pulling off a sticking plaster.

In our second conversation I stood my ground and asked her if I could do the shopping next week and shockingly she said yes. I guess its a case of watch this space.

These holidays are the best opportunity I have of getting a handle on the house again.

thank you for letting me let off steam!

xxxxx

katsu

Good luck Buffy.

Can you get her to go out by going to some other activity - a church group, volunteering somewhere, helping out at local brownies or something? Visting the library to borrow books? Doing a few hours in a charity shop at the weekend?

Buffythedebtslayer

She only goes to the library once a month if that, with my sister. She used to do loads where we used to live but here there aren't those sorts of things running.

we shall see what I can get done.

xxx

bank_of_slate

Sounds like you had a good talk there Buffy. )
...Linda xx

spud30

Hugs Buffy. It does sound like she needs to get out of the house, and if shopping is the only place she goes, then you end up with too much stuff. She needs to find somthing close by doesnt she hun xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

bank_of_slate wrote: »

Sounds like you had a good talk there Buffy. )
...Linda xx

Yeah but its only cos you guys were here to let me let off steam first. And check I wasn't being unreasonable.

Life really is a funny old thing.
xxx