Who are upsetting & any negative comments over your plans?

ellay864

I can't believe some people are getting so much grief, especially of the people you'd think should be the most supportive. I told my mum of our engagement by phone as we were abroad when it happened - she seemed pleased but then never asked anything about plans. When we did tell her we'd set a date she didnt get overly excited...when I told her it was to be at Chester Zoo there was a silence followed by 'well I'm sure if that's what you want it'll be lovely' She hasn't been awkward or anything, just not enthusastic like I wish she would be. Anyway we'll see how she is when I tell her I'm not inviting family other than her and my brother, it's totally non-religous, and I might be wearing purple

nemmernossage

Lydia82 wrote: »

£500 towards a wedding is a lot of money, I know that if my Dad could have afforded it, he would have put money towards our day, but as he doesn't have any spare money just having him there on our wedding day was enough for me. My mum has quite a lot of disposable income and didn't offer anything towards the cost of our wedding, but that's how she is, it was also nice to have her there. She gave us £250 as a gift afterwards and I was grateful for such a large amount of money. My MIL gave us money towards the wedding. We didn't expect anyone to pay for our wedding and I certainly wouldn't have been annoyed.

Well my Dad CAN afford to give me a lot more, but hasn't. I don't expect anyone to pay for our wedding, but suggesting that we elope instead?

shellsuit wrote: »

You beat me to it Lydia.
It is extremely rude to expect parents to put their hands in their pockets for your wedding.
It's not like years ago when the brides Father would pay for everything.
You have been given £500 and you think that is stingy?
It's your wedding isn't it? Your wedding, so you pay for it!

I didn't expect my dad to put his hands in his pockets and pay for everything. I also didn't expect him to tell us to elope. Yes it is our wedding and we are paying for most of it.
And hang me, I'm rude for expecting my parents to actually want to contribute to their only daughter's wedding with time, enthusiasm and help. I have had none.

There's your negative comments! Funny how people always assume that your situation is the same as theirs.

shellsuit

nemmernossage wrote: »

Well my Dad CAN afford to give me a lot more, but hasn't. I don't expect anyone to pay for our wedding, but suggesting that we elope instead? My Dad could afford to pay for our wedding on his own, but he hasn't offered to pay for it all and we don't expect him to. My Dad actually suggested we bog off abroad and get married, but we don't want to because we want all our family there.

I didn't get the hump when he said that at all.



I didn't expect my dad to put his hands in his pockets and pay for everything. I also didn't expect him to tell us to elope. Yes it is our wedding and we are paying for most of it.
And hang me, I'm rude for expecting my parents to actually want to contribute to their only daughter's wedding with time, enthusiasm and help. I have had none. Neither have I. But I know they care. I'm an only child, never mind only daughter. My parents were married in a very very low key reg office wedding and haven't been to many big weddings over the years, so probably wouldn't know how to help if they wanted to. I don't mind, if I really needed their help, I'd ask and they would help. Have you actually asked your parents for help?

There's your negative comments! Funny how people always assume that your situation is the same as theirs.

Your situation is the same as mine, but you think your parents are mean with money and their time, and I don't think mine are ~ that's the difference.

Not everyone jumps for joy when a wedding is announced and plans are being made as it's not everyone elses wedding to get excited about.

Emu53

ellay864 wrote: »

and I might be wearing purple

my mum was totlly shocked that i decided not to wear purple!!

nickyhutch

No-one is paying for any of our wedding, just us, and I wouldn't expect anyone to offer any, either. Both my Mum and my Dad, and OH's Mum, could afford to, but why the heck should they, and why the heck should we expect them to?

p-pincher

My eldest sister the other day commented that she doesnt think i should try to loose any weight (im currently on slimming world) as by december ill have put it back on and wont fit into my dress xx

kr15snw

lizalloareds wrote: »

it's your day and should do what you want and everyone else will just have to live with it, i hope that if my daughter gets married she has the wedding that she wants and not what other people think it should be

good luck to you both

Can you be my mum please?

We have had a constant 'you must do this, you must do that' for the last year. We've even had 'well we are paying for it!'. It got so much we nearly split up at Christmas!

We've finally worked out what WE want an that's to get married in Australia just the two of us.

I am DREADING telling my mum. Were expecting for her to take all the money back (we don't expect her to pay towards the trip or the ceremony) but the money could still be used towards the evening celebration):

help

Kay_Peel

Everyone's an expert on weddings, it seems.

I have my own idea of a perfect wedding - and I keep it to myself.

I much prefer it if friends keep their plans to themselves as well and surprise me and their other guests. It can be very wearing when a bride and her helpers become totally obsessed to the point of boredom about the event. It's also hard to keep a straight face when the brides' plans sound outlandish and tacky, ("We're going to have a Unicorn theme!" she says and my mind boggles.)

It's a ceremony followed by a party, to me. No matter what the plans, weddings are in danger of all looking the same (Shania Twain and Take That for music, bare-shouldered wedding dresses, grooms in revoltingly garish morning suits and so on).

I'll go with whatever the couple choose and be very grateful for the honour of an invite. Just because it's not my idea of a perfect day has got nothing to do with it.

So my advice to the OP is to keep schtum about your plans. What they don't know they can't moan about. :rotfl:

katenut

I'm so glad we're not the only ones!!

The day we told my dad our wedding venue my step-mum ranted about how unreasonable we were being (we want to get married in a different county, 150 miles from home, not the moon!) and they couldn't possibly afford to come as my sister needs a new clarinet!! Needless to say my dad and sister are coming, step-mother is not (her choice, not ours).

We've had to put our feet down over loads of things, everyone tries to put pressure on to make us do what they think we should be doing. We have stood our ground, and we will be getting married with only our nearest and dearest there, and sitting down for a meal with 30 people whom we are very close to, all around one table. No partners, hangers-on, whinging relatives or other undesirables.

My mum has been amazing, and MIL been OK (I dont think she ever gets enthusiastic about anything to be honest). The worst have been my best friends - I opted not to have any bridesmaids as I really didnt know how to choose. This has resulted in total carnage, they all went all out to help me as much as they could but clashed with each other and most of them aren't talking to each other now! I've stayed well out of it and told them if they cant get on at the wedding then dont bother coming. My hen weekend ended up as 3 of my close mates, and 5 good mates from work. I was originally upset that the others hadn't come because of stupid wedding arguements, but we had a fantastic time anyway.

Just remember - ITS YOUR WEDDING!!!!!! I'm only planning on doing this once so no-one is going to spoil it. I cant remember ever being so singlemindedly selfish about anything before, but as long as the people I really care about have a lovely time there is nothing else that matters xx

PS: Feeling better about letting all that out already!

greenmoneysaver_2

Ah, Kay and Kate, am with you there!

Have been to a few "catalogue" weddings, where in all honesty it could have been anyone in the dress/suits/photo poses etc!

We have been spared much negativity by being together 11 years prior to getting married, planning it with 5 months notice and doing it all ourselves. . . after everyone got over the shock/assuming it was shotgun (not, but we had got our first dog!)/realising how close it was, leaves little time to moan.

MIL has been digging to try and find out what I'm wearing, which is a bit rude as she was so not interested in other DIL's wedding! MIL also not impressed with our carriages at 8pm idea. She displays disapproval with "oh" which I can then interpret to my hearts content, depending on mood!

The phrase "well, its your day" keeps cropping up, but I know she is not happy - but I couldn't give a stuff - it will never compare to her DD's MAJOR catalogue wedding!

I think instead of overusing the phrase "its your day" think instead "what am I happy/comfortable with?"

On the money front, my Dad offered us an undisclosed sum, and is well off, however I haven't expected him to keep money for this until I was 35 "just in case" and so have refused, so he is "rethinking" the gift! My Dad is unpredicatabel on money so he could be going crazy with a £50 gift, or secretly planning to give me £5k!