Who are upsetting & any negative comments over your plans?

faerie_girl

Sorry if this sounds like a really negative post, I don't want to upset anyone.

I was just wondering if you would care to share your stories of people being upset over your plans for your big day?

I just need a little moan and to get a few things of my chest! They aren't anything major but I just think this is our wedding and we will do things how we want!! If you don't like it don't come!

When we told MIL we had booked our wedding for the 25th August. Her reply was 'well I can if I am not busy'. She had 5 1/2 months to make sure she isn't busy! OH is her only child, you'd think she'd be a bit more excited.

FIL will be annoyed when he find out his 'lodger' isn't invited. Neither will she. I say lodger as she is his ex-girlfriends sons, ex girlfriend... following me? When they split she moved into the house me and OH were living in with his Dad (paying board and bills). FIL was/is obviously seeing her but it has been hush hush and lots of secrecy. She caused a lot of trouble and falling out between OH and FIL so we moved out into our own place (which was good for our freedom but made things really bad between us and FIL). She goes to every family event even though she is just the lodger. We don't like her (for lots of other reasons I won't bore you even more with) so she isn't invited to our wedding. She is already making lots of suggestions and asking about our plans almost daily (through e-mail, FB etc).

Step-FIL won't be invited. I had wanted to convince OH to invite but in the last few weeks I don't see why we should. He was horrible to OH growing up. We are not allowed in his and MIL's house and haven't been for the last 3 years since we moved into our first flat. He fell out with us because he wanted to help us move his furniture in his little car out of FIL's house. When he called him at 9am to see where he was he said they were busy and couldn't do it till the afternoon. So I called my dad with his big flatbed truck. Step-FIL was really upset when we told him we had sorted something alternative. Since then we have been banned from their house.

OH doesn't want to invite his 3 grandparents as they have never had much to do with them. We don't get birthday christmas cards etc even though we send them. We can't visit them as they all heavily chain smoke and OH is asthmatic. They all refuse to refrain from smoking in our home so they are not invited here.
I am trying to work with OH on this one. I think they should be invited then it is there choice whether or not they come is up to them. It will cause a lot of upset and us being outcast from FIL's side for definate.

OH's uncle is a taxi driver and gives us a good rate for taking us both to and from work. We told him it was only going to be a small low-key wedding with up to grandparents invited. We can't afford anymore, plus we don't want to start inviting family we are not close too. My family is huge if we invite one cousin etc they all have to. He has made a few sly comment about not being invited. I know he is annoyed.



I've had a few negative comments. A collegue at work when told of our lowkey plans said we are not having a proper wedding. This hurt a little as we are cutting back a lot of things that we would have had if we'd have had the money for a bigger affair.

One of my Grandfathers said he had no idea why we are getting married now. We have a child already and are doing everything wrong. There is no point in getting married now. He also expressed his disatisfaction at us having a Wednesday wedding as he would have to take a day off work. Even though the whole 'event' is probably gonna be over by 3pm and he works evenings. He is also annoyed that we are getting married a month after m cousin and its too close together. (I didn't know she was getting married. Plus the date we chose is special to us)

....And breath... think thats it for now. No doubt people won't like the venue of our meal after the ceremony (not decided just yet but probably a local pub)

Anyone else care to share?

Alyssa_C_2

Oh poor you Faerie! You seem to be having a right time of it. Luckily most people have let us do what we want. My Sis however is a little funny as she got wires crossed about the cake she is kindly buying us, but that has been sorted now thankfully! I had a small row with my mother the day after we got engaged as she told me she had already invited our Australian cousins. My teddy was firmly thrown out of my pram I haven't had anywhere near the same kind of problems you have.
But you need to tell them to sod off. You ARE having a 'proper wedding', whoever said you weren't is an idiot! The whole point is that you are having your nearest and dearest, not a load of leeches, to make your day perfect. The person who said otherwise prob doesn't have any close/lasting friendships so would just fill the wedding up with randoms!:mad:
Who is she/he to critisize how you plan the wedding! I get so angry about this kind of thing.
Ignore them all, do it your way.

nemmernossage

People think that we're mad to get married on a ship but I don't care! My Chief Bridesmaid has basically told me that I should be doing this this and this - NO! One of the things was sorting out my Old, New, Borrowed, Blue (I only need old and borrowed, New is my dress and Blue is my *ahem* underwear) - "I've got this necklace that you can borrow and I'll buy you the earrings as your something new" Hmmm well I don't have pierced ears so that isn't going to work! No where near as stressful as other weddings I'm sure though, Thankfully. The other thing that has annoyed me and OH but not others is how stingy my family have been! My dad has given us £500 and my mum has given us nothing. My dad even encouraged us to elope! Cheeky :mad:

Just remember it's your day, but it is only one day. I would say to these people who are negative is it worth falling out with me for the rest of our lives over one day? If it is then fine by me!

SDH

When i mentioned we weren't having any bridemaids, best men or ushers, my good friend said "oh its not a proper wedding then". WHATT???? Somehow i kept control and managed to point out that a "proper" wedding just needs a bride, groom, 2witnesses and an official to marry them.


She did back down quite quickly ;-)
She is lucky she is gettign an invite. She is going to very shocked when she only get an invite for the lastest (& greatest) bloke she is seeing this week for evening only - we are having a small intimate wedding, with everyone invited to the meal at one big table. So it would be odd to have people who not even met there.
Hang on, why I am justifying this???

Emu53

when we told OH's family we were getting married his mum said "how much is that costing?" and then started telling us about how much his sisters wedding cost, her only other comment was "i won't have to wear a hat will i?" she's since told us that she would love to help with the cost of things but they cant afford to, even though their paying for a holiday for OH's sister, her husband and 3 kids,

One of my Grandfathers said he had no idea why we are getting married now. We have a child already and are doing everything wrong. There is no point in getting married now

thats a horrible thing to say, me and OH have been together nearly 12 years and have 3 girls, i love the thought of our kids being there and am really happy we had them before we got married,

joho

OMG faerie_girl! What a horrible sounding bunch (sorry, I know they are your family)! They should be [STRIKE]happy[/STRIKE] overjoyed for you and accept what YOU want to do on the day.:mad:

I don't think I'll have many issues - ha, famous last words.

Minor disagreement with my mum as she wants me to invite cousins and aunt and uncle that I haven't spoken to for several years, and who have cut HER out of their lives completely, for no apparent reason. She says I should invite them for the sake of family peace and they probably won't come anyway (because the wedding is abroad) but I don't even want to invite them, just in case one of them does want to come!

Don't really want to invite OHs stepmum as she treated him appallingly when he was a child - stuff that would be classed as abuse and neglect now! But if HE wants to invite her, then I suppose we have to. She probably won't go either as she is an invalid and doesn't travel.

The date is going to be the biggest problem, I think, as so many friends have children and we want to get wed in September! Either no kids, certain friends not being there or a different date?!?! Some friends have said they'd happily have some time away without the kids, but others will have a good whinge I have no doubt.

Good luck to faerie_girl and everyone else!

Edit: ha, no-one has said anything yet, but I bet there'll be whinging and whining because the holiday is abroad.

missjennipenni

One hting id like to say is, can you rethink not inviting the taxi-driver uncle? If you see him daily, and he gives you special rates to make your working life easier, then I personally think its a bit mean to leave him out.

People you dislike though, have no place in your wedding!

Mme.Hibou

nemmernossage wrote: »

The other thing that has annoyed me and OH but not others is how stingy my family have been! My dad has given us £500 and my mum has given us nothing. My dad even encouraged us to elope! Cheeky :mad:

£500 towards a wedding is a lot of money, I know that if my Dad could have afforded it, he would have put money towards our day, but as he doesn't have any spare money just having him there on our wedding day was enough for me. My mum has quite a lot of disposable income and didn't offer anything towards the cost of our wedding, but that's how she is, it was also nice to have her there. She gave us £250 as a gift afterwards and I was grateful for such a large amount of money. My MIL gave us money towards the wedding. We didn't expect anyone to pay for our wedding and I certainly wouldn't have been annoyed.

shellsuit

Lydia82 wrote: »

£500 towards a wedding is a lot of money, I know that if my Dad could have afforded it, he would have put money towards our day, but as he doesn't have any spare money just having him there on our wedding day was enough for me. My mum has quite a lot of disposable income and didn't offer anything towards the cost of our wedding, but that's how she is, it was also nice to have her there. She gave us £250 as a gift afterwards and I was grateful for such a large amount of money. My MIL gave us money towards the wedding. We didn't expect anyone to pay for our wedding and I certainly wouldn't have been annoyed.

You beat me to it Lydia.

It is extremely rude to expect parents to put their hands in their pockets for your wedding.

It's not like years ago when the brides Father would pay for everything.

You have been given £500 and you think that is stingy?

It's your wedding isn't it? Your wedding, so you pay for it!

shellsuit

missjennipenni wrote: »

One hting id like to say is, can you rethink not inviting the taxi-driver uncle? If you see him daily, and he gives you special rates to make your working life easier, then I personally think its a bit mean to leave him out.

People you dislike though, have no place in your wedding!

Agree with the Uncle being invited ~ it's not lilke a family member who you hate and never see is it? It's no wonder he feels a bit put out really.

nickyhutch

shellsuit wrote: »

Agree with the Uncle being invited ~ it's not lilke a family member who you hate and never see is it? It's no wonder he feels a bit put out really.

Another one here in agreement with this.