DS very bad behaviour in school

egon

Hi,

DS1 started reception in September. He always had bad tantrums (especially when tired and having growth spurts). When he is good, he is very good. But when he is bad, he is very bad. There seem to be no gray matter in between.

This week, I had 2 phone calls from his teacher. Today, he thrown 3 chairs at her.:eek:
It always seem to kick off, when they ask him to do something he doesn't want to do.
He also hits out at teachers and children.
Now, even though he is showing some of this behavior at home, he would never consider hitting or throwing things at us!
Now his behaviour at school seem to get worse. It is a lot worse in school then at home. It has been noted, that in the last 3 weeks he gotten worse. He had a very good spell in between.
He does loves going to school. And hates it, when we don't do home work or he has to stay home because he is ill etc.

I noticed, that the worst he is towards his class teacher. He had problem with others, but this seem to have stopped. She now keeps saying, that all the other children are afraid of him (he has quiet a few friends in school though).
Also, she keeps saying, that she shouldn't need to be looking after him in her break, when he is not aloud to go outside for playtime. She sounds as she is afraid of his behavior too.

We are been referred to the educational physiologist (sp?) for assessment. This will take place after Easter.

I really don't know what to do now. He doesn't behave like this with us at all. We have the usual - test boundaries, back chatting and tantrums etc. But for me this is normal behavior for a 4 1/2 year old.

Any advise very welcome,

Egon

thorsoak

egon wrote: »

Hi,

We have the usual - test boundaries, back chatting and tantrums etc. But for me this is normal behavior for a 4 1/2 year old.

Any advise very welcome,

Egon

Throwing chairs at anyone is not normal behaviour for a 4 1/2 year old - you have to tell him that this is not acceptable behaviour and that is is BAD behaviour!

mrcow

I don't know if tantrums are normal for a 4 1/2 year old? It may just be what you're used to.

I think perhaps the timing is good though. Some time out over Easter - how long after the new term is the assessment?

JodyBPM

Sorry, I have a 4 year old and a 5 year old, and I would say that tantrums are NOT normal behaviour at this age. Testing boundries, not really, they were already tested and established at around age 2!, backchat, pehaps a bit, but with good boundries in place, nothing that can't be dealt with easily. And throwing chairs, DEFINITELY NOT normal behaviour. The things you are describing sound to be like normal, but shortlived, behaviour in the terrible twos!

The teacher, who obviously is experienced with a range of different children, is clearly struggling with your child, and that suggests to me that you need to work with her to see if you can come to a solution. It's good that he's been referred to an education psychologist, as this will look at whether there is any underlying cause for his bad behaviour, and once you know that then you will be able to find a way of moving forward. It might be as simple as setting boundries and guidelines for him to follow.

So my best advice, as you are clearly worried, is to work with the teacher and the education psychologist, and try to find strategies to improve you son's behaviour. He will be much happier as a result! Don't blame or fight against the teacher, she's just trying to help your son achieve his potential, academically and behaviourally.

Redman30

egon wrote: »

Hi,

DS1 started reception in September. He always had bad tantrums (especially when tired and having growth spurts). When he is good, he is very good. But when he is bad, he is very bad. There seem to be no gray matter in between.

This week, I had 2 phone calls from his teacher. Today, he thrown 3 chairs at her.:eek:
It always seem to kick off, when they ask him to do something he doesn't want to do.
He also hits out at teachers and children.
Now, even though he is showing some of this behavior at home, he would never consider hitting or throwing things at us!
Now his behaviour at school seem to get worse. It is a lot worse in school then at home. It has been noted, that in the last 3 weeks he gotten worse. He had a very good spell in between.
He does loves going to school. And hates it, when we don't do home work or he has to stay home because he is ill etc.

I noticed, that the worst he is towards his class teacher. He had problem with others, but this seem to have stopped. She now keeps saying, that all the other children are afraid of him (he has quiet a few friends in school though).
Also, she keeps saying, that she shouldn't need to be looking after him in her break, when he is not aloud to go outside for playtime. She sounds as she is afraid of his behavior too.

We are been referred to the educational physiologist (sp?) for assessment. This will take place after Easter.

I really don't know what to do now. He doesn't behave like this with us at all. We have the usual - test boundaries, back chatting and tantrums etc. But for me this is normal behavior for a 4 1/2 year old.

Any advise very welcome,

Egon

He clearly does behave like this with you, however you don't appear to consider it as serious, and something to rectify. The teacher is afraid of what your child is capable of towards the other children she has a duty of care to, not towards herself, hence why she has initiated the psychologist.

In the mean time, you need to make it very clear to your child that any such behaviour is unacceptible, and certainly towards his teachers and figures of authority. Not wanting to do what you are told to is a relatively natural reaction, however he needs to understand that he doesn't always have a choice. Nip this in the bud and yours and your sons life will follow a much smoother path!

Miss_Imaginative

Hi egon,

As a Reception teacher, I have to say I have seen the occasional throwing of chairs by children of this age, but very rarely seen any throwing of chairs as frequently as your son appears to be. I can understand why your son's teacher is somewhat worried/scared of your son's behaviour - it's very scary when a child is having a temper tantrum of such a nature and you just can't get through to them (I'm not even going to start on the lack of support teachers have from higher up/government/unions, that's another issue, but it could be something playing on the teacher's mind). I do wonder whether your son is aiming his aggression at her as she is the one telling him what to do and he's still getting used to the fact that she's in charge and when he's in school he needs to listen to her. The thing that sets off alarm bells to me is why has his behaviour suddenly deteriorated in the last few weeks. The educational psychologist should be able to pin-point a possible reason as to why during the meeting after Easter. Once that has been pin-pointed, you should all be able to work past it. Focus on the good thing that your son loves going to school! So many youngsters don't like going to school, so it's fantastic that it does.

For the time being, I second JodyBPM's suggestion of working with the class teacher and the educational psychologist to find strategies to improve your son's behaviour. Work out behaviour charts (star charts, reward charts - there are plenty of them on Sparklebox.com) that have the same reward system, which could maybe build up to a treat at the end of the week. Always focus on the good where possible, but if he is showing signs of potentially violent behaviour (i.e. throwing chairs) then have the same method of 'punishment' say a naughty step, thinking chair, where he needs to go for 5 minutes to think about what he's done. If you're already doing this, then fantastic - explain to the teacher this is what you're doing (it obviously works as he's better behaved when he's at home) and see if the class teacher can incorporate these strategies into the classroom. Showing some consistency both at home and school will make your son's life easier and also show him that you all mean business (especially if you're singing off the same hymn sheet, asitwere).

I can completely understand the class teacher's frustration in his behaviour, especially if she is having to sacrifice her breaks/lunch-times on a regular basis. If it works, then that's all well and good - but if he's having to stop inside regularly *and* it doesn't improve his behaviour as a result then some alternative has to be found! Not being allowed outside to 'let off steam' will not be helping your son (or his behaviour) and not having a proper break away from all the children will not be helping your son's teacher's patience either.

Let us know how it all goes, egon. Stay strong and focus on the positives!

Miss_I

Gingham_Ribbon

Miss_Imaginative wrote: »

I do wonder whether your son is aiming his aggression at her as she is the one telling him what to do and he's still getting used to the fact that she's in charge and when he's in school he needs to listen to her. ...

For the time being, I second JodyBPM's suggestion of working with the class teacher and the educational psychologist to find strategies to improve your son's behaviour. Work out behaviour charts (star charts, reward charts - there are plenty of them on Sparklebox.com) that have the same reward system, which could maybe build up to a treat at the end of the week. Always focus on the good where possible, but if he is showing signs of potentially violent behaviour (i.e. throwing chairs) then have the same method of 'punishment' say a naughty step, thinking chair, where he needs to go for 5 minutes to think about what he's done. If you're already doing this, then fantastic - explain to the teacher this is what you're doing (it obviously works as he's better behaved when he's at home) and see if the class teacher can incorporate these strategies into the classroom. Showing some consistency both at home and school will make your son's life easier and also show him that you all mean business (especially if you're singing off the same hymn sheet, asitwere).

I can completely understand the class teacher's frustration in his behaviour, especially if she is having to sacrifice her breaks/lunch-times on a regular basis. If it works, then that's all well and good - but if he's having to stop inside regularly *and* it doesn't improve his behaviour as a result then some alternative has to be found! Not being allowed outside to 'let off steam' will not be helping your son (or his behaviour) and not having a proper break away from all the children will not be helping your son's teacher's patience either.

Let us know how it all goes, egon. Stay strong and focus on the positives!

Miss_I

Excellent post.

I'm not surprised you're worried. This is extreme behaviour at any age. Hopefully the ed psych will find a reason for it that can be dealt with with support. In the meantime, I think looking carefully at your discipline policy at home and working with school to be consistent is important.

I wondered about the comment above about learning the teacher is in charge. At home, are the boundaries clear? What do you do when his behaviour is bad? What do you do when he's behaving nicely? Is there anything he is angry about or is there anything or any one he might be worried about or frightened of?

Indie_Kid

Does it make any difference:
- which children he's with
- what day it is
- what time of day it is (morning, afternoon, etc)

vaio

Miss_Imaginative wrote: »

Hi egon,

As a Reception teacher, I have to say I have seen the occasional throwing of chairs by children of this age, but very rarely seen any throwing of chairs as frequently as your son appears to be. I can understand why your son's teacher is somewhat worried/scared of your son's behaviour - it's very scary when a child is having a temper tantrum of such a nature and you just can't get through to them (I'm not even going to start on the lack of support teachers have from higher up/government/unions, that's another issue, but it could be something playing on the teacher's mind). I do wonder whether your son is aiming his aggression at her as she is the one telling him what to do and he's still getting used to the fact that she's in charge and when he's in school he needs to listen to her. The thing that sets off alarm bells to me is why has his behaviour suddenly deteriorated in the last few weeks. The educational psychologist should be able to pin-point a possible reason as to why during the meeting after Easter. Once that has been pin-pointed, you should all be able to work past it. Focus on the good thing that your son loves going to school! So many youngsters don't like going to school, so it's fantastic that it does.

For the time being, I second JodyBPM's suggestion of working with the class teacher and the educational psychologist to find strategies to improve your son's behaviour. Work out behaviour charts (star charts, reward charts - there are plenty of them on Sparklebox.com) that have the same reward system, which could maybe build up to a treat at the end of the week. Always focus on the good where possible, but if he is showing signs of potentially violent behaviour (i.e. throwing chairs) then have the same method of 'punishment' say a naughty step, thinking chair, where he needs to go for 5 minutes to think about what he's done. If you're already doing this, then fantastic - explain to the teacher this is what you're doing (it obviously works as he's better behaved when he's at home) and see if the class teacher can incorporate these strategies into the classroom. Showing some consistency both at home and school will make your son's life easier and also show him that you all mean business (especially if you're singing off the same hymn sheet, asitwere).

I can completely understand the class teacher's frustration in his behaviour, especially if she is having to sacrifice her breaks/lunch-times on a regular basis. If it works, then that's all well and good - but if he's having to stop inside regularly *and* it doesn't improve his behaviour as a result then some alternative has to be found! Not being allowed outside to 'let off steam' will not be helping your son (or his behaviour) and not having a proper break away from all the children will not be helping your son's teacher's patience either.

Let us know how it all goes, egon. Stay strong and focus on the positives!

Miss_I

My brother threw a book at a fellow pupil when he was that sort of age, the teacher slapped his legs and told my mother who also slapped his legs. The problem arose and was dealt with all on the same afternoon.

No worried/scared/frustrated teacher, educational psychologists, focusing on strategies or reward charts. A couple of slaps, some tears and that was the end of a promising book throwing career.

Life was so much easier 40 years ago in the bad old days

amandada

you say it particularly happens when your ds is tired, does he actually get enough sleep? At his age, and being at school, he's probably needing a good 12 hours a night. Does he have any active activities out of school where he can "let off steam"? I know my 7 year old son is a ball of energy and he really needs to expend it or he's a pain in the backside!

iamana1ias

Does he have computer games at home?