Eldest daughter going off the rails!!!

Bigdaddy123_3

Cheeky!!!:p

snowmaid

All you can do is be there for her. I went through the same with my daughter, except the stealing part. She is now 23 and we are very close. Your daughter will come back to you.

However, perhaps sitting her down, as an adult, and tell her that you can only advise her. She is going to do what she wants to anyway. However, what she does is her own decision and she will have to suffer the consequences of her informed decision.

Tell her that you know where it can, and most likely will end up. Let her know that the 30 year old will be with her until he finds some other bait to get hold of. That you know she thinks she is in love etc, but there will be someone else down the line.

Tell her what the smoking and booze is doing to her skin and that one day she will wake up in her 30's and ask herself what the hell she has done to herself.

merlin68

The smoking yes, as I have smoked 20 a day for 26 years and now have asthma and copd with a lung function of 50%. My lung age is 85 at 41, my 18yr old dd was smoking until she knew I was diagnosed. It made her give up sharpish. I had alcohol poisoning at 16 and haven't touched a drop since.

ailuro2

Treat her like a lodger. She gets to be treated like an adult, but she mucks in with the chores, pays her way, and has to follow a few house rules - including it being a non smoking household and not having overnight guests, which is a common rule for being a lodger;). She must keep the communal areas tidy after she uses them, but can do what she likes with her own space as long as it's not going to end up contagious or leave the household short of plates/mugs.
Involve her in budgeting for the shopping, fuel bills, petrol etc.
Lock your wallet/purse away when they're not on your person.
In most ways, treat her like the adult she wants/expects to be treated like. Treating her like Daddy's little girl will only send her running into the older man's arms.

p.s. this comes from someone who had a 22 year old boyfriend when I was 15. I thought it was cool, my parents seemed to take it quite well considering. Sadly though, these older men don't lose their taste for younger women and she may find herself a bit on the old side before long, problem solved without you turning into 'the enemy'

plumpmouse

With regards to the older man.

I met my husband at 17, he was 27. My Mum and Dad weren't happy initially.

However we have been married 9 year this August and are extremely happy. Mum and Dad love my husband.

Just because someone is older and she is so young doesn't make it bad. Have you met the man? If not why not arrange to meet him with her and see what he's like.

ThinkingOfLinking

I especially agree with the last 2 posts.

And regarding the older boyfriend, he may be a positive, calming influence on her. I've always gone for older men myself and prefer their more grounded outlook.

plumpmouse

I certainly think meeting my husband calmed me down. I wasn't wild but he was a sensible influence and probably a lot better for me than someone my own age would have been.

snowmaid

I would love a sugar daddy....don't think there are many men left in their 90's though.....:o

Sorry....back to the op!

Steel_2

I often wish I'd met my husband when I was teenager. He's 12 years older than me and could have saved me from 12 years of no-hopers who were the same age as me.

Apparently he came out of the womb sensible, pleasant, polite and just darn lovely.

But then I reckon his mum is biased :rotfl:

gizmo111

She doesn't sound terribly awful or unusual. This is the age where they will experiment, but she is working and attending college so they are huge positives. lots of kids mess up their GCSE and retake them at college. The problem I found with my daughter was wehn she started college and work the change from school expectations and college life was a lot to adjust to. Same as having all that money to spend. Smoking can be dealt with in an adult manner by talking. The older boyfriend not so good, but whatever you do, don't alienate hiim as that flat may suddenly look very appealing. I sat my daughter down and talked through all the options and things that she wants to do with her life and we came to an agreement and she is great now. She has tried the smoking hated it, tried drinking, not overkeen but she does drink a little alcohol, but she tells me what she has had. I;ve found you have to talk to her as an adult and gt her opinions to make a way forward, not easy I know when you wish they were still little so you can protectthem from everything.

(My daughter nearly 17 has an idiot boyfreind as well, but he his 18 and lazy so at present no chance of the flat being an escape route from home)