Eldest daughter going off the rails!!!

Bigdaddy123_3

Hi,

Created a new user name as i want to keep this seperate from the boards i usually hang around in.

In a nutshell,

Our 17 year old daughter is going off the rails.

She has been a bit 'wild' for the last 18 months or so.

She has stolen money from us, gone missing, totally screwed up her GCSE's last year and started smoking.

We cant think of anything in the last year or so thats happened so we are at a loss.

She works hard at a hairdressers a couple of times a week and goes to college the other days.

Currently she has been hanging around with a 30 year olod man who has his own flat. you cannot believe how worried we are about this.

She is grounded at the mo but i know its only a short term thing.

Anyone having trouble with 17 year old girls?


Thanks

mrcow

Do you think grounding her is the way to go? Or do you think it would perhaps just encourage her to kick back against you even more? By coming down on her like a ton of bricks, you're pushing her away.

I know it's hard, but as we get older, we have to make our own mistakes.

Bit worried about the theft......was that a one off?

tanith

She is 17 and almost an adult, she seems to be holding down a part-time job and attending college.. there really isn't much you can do about the friends she makes and when she is 18 you really aren't going to be able to 'ground' her . Its hard but kids do grow up and from experience I have learned that no matter what I think about choices my kids and grandchildren have made they will do what they want and hopefully learn by mistakes.. all you can do is try and point out the pitfalls of things she is doing and hope she will see sense.. I agree the stealing needs dealing with by showing her how disappointed you are ..

Good luck and you are not the first or last parent to be where you are and it could be a helluva lot worse...

Bigdaddy123_3

I appreciate your reply.

My daughter has had lots on 'interventions' over the last 18 months.

we have talked to her, my mum, my wifes mum & dad.

we have tried to encourage her, reward her and anything else we can think of.

you are right, she will have to make her own mistakes at some point.

whilst grounding her is not the answer, its a answer, and it lets me sleep easier at night

lolarentt

This is one of the current storylines in 'the Archers' (BBC Radio 4 19:00 daily). Pip, 17 year old daughter of David and Ruth is carrying on in a similar manner, although she hasn't been stealing. Lost interest in home life, started drinking (they found a bottle of Vodka in her stuff) and apparantly biggest sin is the relationship with the 'mature' student Jude (mid 20s) who is her first boyfriend and at the same college. Been stopped allowance so has taken a part time job as well......

mrcow

lolarentt wrote: »

This is one of the current storylines in 'the Archers' (BBC Radio 4 19:00 daily). Pip, 17 year old daughter of David and Ruth is carrying on in a similar manner, although she hasn't been stealing. Lost interest in home life, started drinking (they found a bottle of Vodka in her stuff) and apparantly biggest sin is the relationship with the 'mature' student Jude (mid 20s) who is her first boyfriend and at the same college. Been stopped allowance so has taken a part time job as well......

Are you implying that the OP is a BBC Radio 4 writer who is looking for ideas for the next plot turn?

lolarentt

mrcow wrote: »

Are you implying that the OP is a BBC Radio 4 writer who is looking for ideas for the next plot turn?

No, just showing that this must be a problem to many families if it gets a storyline in a soap, even a classy soap like 'the Archers' (where it's certainly more interesting than some of theother current storylines which include the vicar camping (under canvass that is!), how they'll run the village shop, and Eddie feeling hard-done-by 'cos somebody else has been putting up shelves that he wanted to do!)

zcrat41

Just had to comment on the fact that someone brought in the archers!! Love it!!

Although I don't have kids it wasn't that long ago I was going off the rails myself at that age. Someone earlier made the point that at 17 she's nearly an adult. I'd agree to a certain extent but my parents always did the "while your under my roof your under my rules". Felt tough at 17 but I now still respect that - my friends think its hilarious that at 27 I won't ask to share a room with my boyf at their house but to me its their house and their rules so fair do's.

My parents also had the attitude of we'll pay for your education but the minute you leave you are on your own financially (if not emotionally). Very glad they did this as it meant I got my degree and a great job from it.

I worked out where my bread was buttered when I worked out what I could afford if I left school at 18 and got a flat and a job - made me realise what a scabby part of town I'd have to live. Then, I worked out if I got my degree, what kind of salary could I earn, house to live in etc - it was a hell of a lto better and opened my eyes,

good luck
zc

merlin68

We have nearly all been there and done that and turned out ok.
There's nothing you can do about them man as she is legally old enough to have sex.
I would be concerned about the money missing, but i done that as a kid to fund my ciggies.
My dad used to put all his loose change in a whisky bottle, but he must of cottoned on that I was knicking it and one day it wasn't there, he never even mentioned it though.

Bigdaddy123_3

I can confirm that i dont work for the BBC and im not a Archers script writer.

After thinking about it whilst at work its gonna be a chat night tonight and try to make her 'see the light'.

I must admit i was no angel at 16/17

coming home drunk etc.

She is gonna have to make a mistake or two on her own

Why cant they stay 10 forever!!!!

Errata

Bigdaddy123 wrote: »

I can confirm that i dont work for the BBC and im not a Archers script writer.

After thinking about it whilst at work its gonna be a chat night tonight and try to make her 'see the light'.

I must admit i was no angel at 16/17

coming home drunk etc.

She is gonna have to make a mistake or two on her own

Why cant they stay 10 forever!!!!

Looks like the apple didn't fall far from the tree