Kiddiwinkles Savings should i use them??

andys15

My Mum gave my daughter £20 the other day, which my daughter gave to me, when I replaced the school blazer she lost. Is that theft, should that £20 have stayed in her savings. I am trying to teach her consequences of her actions. My Mum was annoyed with me, as it was her £20, but I did not steal it. We can only do what we feel is best, and will be better in the long run.

shellsuit

If it is a case of losing the roof over your head, or the children starving or being freezing cold, then use it.

If it's just to tide things over till pay day because you have ran out of money, or have to pay a bill that isn't really important, then I wouldn't touch it.

Pay the obvious bills and speak to any other creditors and ask them to lower your payments.

andys15

wuckfit wrote: »

Parents getting into debt is not a child's fault, so why should they be penalised for their parents financial mistakes?

Its not a childs fault, but you could argue that it is a consequence of the children, Birthday presents, christmas presents, which ultimately the OP couldn't afford, but to make a childs christmas rightly or wrongly more special. What do you think the child would prefer, miserable Mummy drowning in debt, with cash in the bank which cant be touched until they are adults themselves. Or happy family, still cash in the bank when adults, but some was withdrawn then replaced when they were very young to help make Mummy happy?

moggylover

andys15 wrote: »

No I provide my children with welfare and finances. They are clothed and fed and treated, but that comes at a cost, which my children are aware of. They know they dont get anything for free. They appreciate that leaving lights on cost money, they appreciate that I wake up at 5am to work, to put food on the table. They would not have a tear in their eye as you say, if I dont buy them the latest xbox game. They would have to do their chores. My daughter left her school blazer on the bus the other day, and she paid for it to be replaced. Harsh? a little, but I hope it teaches her a lesson.

Mine would also be expected to pay for anything they lost. They would be expected to pay because they had been careless with something which is THEIRS and not because I had "provided" it in the first place. All the other things you post are common sense.

However, the belief that you can treat their savings in a way that you would not treat your next door neighbours savings shows a really sad lack of respect for them as individuals that takes harsh parenting to a different level altogether.

BTW, we all CHOOSE to have children, I don't spend my entire time making mine heavily aware of the burden their cost places upon me;)

wuckfit

andys15 wrote: »

Its not a childs fault, but you could argue that it is a consequence of the children, Birthday presents, christmas presents, which ultimately the OP couldn't afford, but to make a childs christmas rightly or wrongly more special. What do you think the child would prefer, miserable Mummy drowning in debt, or cash in the bank which cant be touched until they are adults themselves

By your argument, therefore it's a consequence of not using contraception.

moggylover

andys15 wrote: »

Its not a childs fault, but you could argue that it is a consequence of the children, Birthday presents, christmas presents, which ultimately the OP couldn't afford, but to make a childs christmas rightly or wrongly more special. What do you think the child would prefer, miserable Mummy drowning in debt, or cash in the bank which cant be touched until they are adults themselves

It could equally be that mummy has a propensity for wasting money on over-priced cosmetics, bags of clothes that she never wears, or vodka down the pub:D The op has not told us how the debt was arrived at. Your assumption that it is only for reasonable expenses involved in keeping children is rather ott, tbh.

I understand that you are trying hard to make your children grow up with a good understanding of not getting into debt. Personally, I think these children would learn much more about that from seeing mummy struggle to get the debt paid off in the way that anyone else would, and not from having a "bank of the kids" to turn to;)

moggylover

andys15 wrote: »

My Mum gave my daughter £20 the other day, which my daughter gave to me, when I replaced the school blazer she lost. Is that theft, should that £20 have stayed in her savings. I am trying to teach her consequences of her actions. My Mum was annoyed with me, as it was her £20, but I did not steal it. We can only do what we feel is best, and will be better in the long run.

I don't think that was wrong at all. But you discussed it with her, she understood WHY she was having to give you that money and there is a learning point there.

I believe that if the op "borrows" yet more money from her children she is actually just showing them that there is an "easy way" out of debt and not just how many problems it can cause.

andys15

moggylover wrote: »

Mine would also be expected to pay for anything they lost. They would be expected to pay because they had been careless with something which is THEIRS and not because I had "provided" it in the first place. All the other things you post are common sense.

However, the belief that you can treat their savings in a way that you would not treat your next door neighbours savings shows a really sad lack of respect for them as individuals that takes harsh parenting to a different level altogether.

BTW, we all CHOOSE to have children, I don't spend my entire time making mine heavily aware of the burden their cost places upon me;)

They dont feel they are a burden. They know that things cost money, and how hard we work to provide things. They know that they too must work hard to get things. I am not saying I am a perfect parent and everyone must do it my way. I am saying that children are children, and although of course they are to be treated with respect, that respect does not extend to be involved in financial decisions, especially regarding savings that the OP has mainly contributed to.

sarahs999

This thread's got quite heated, but I just wanted to address something the OP said in her first post about using money at the beginning of the month to pay debts, and then being short at the end. There's a very simple solution - you pay your debts off at the end of the month, the day before payday, when you can see how much excess you have. That way you won't need to use the kids' savings.

It's very obvious but it took me a while to work it out, and I'm so glad I did. I used to have the same problem you're having.

If you're worried that you don't have enough willpower, and will just spend all the money you have, take out the amount that you would LIKE to pay off your debts at the beginning of the month (I'm assuming that you are tlking about overpayments, rather than minimum payments). Put them in a separate holding account (any savings account will do). Then if you run into trouble in the month - unexpected repairs etc - you have the money to dip in to. At the end pay off the whole lot that is left from your debt. Then start again with the next paypacket.

The thing is, even if you use the kids' savings, what's going to be there for you next time you hit a problem? If you tackle the way you are approaching your debt your problem is solved.

moggylover

andys15 wrote: »

They dont feel they are a burden. They know that things cost money, and how hard we work to provide things. They know that they too must work hard to get things. I am not saying I am a perfect parent and everyone must do it my way. I am saying that children are children, and although of course they are to be treated with respect, that respect does not extend to be involved in financial decisions, especially regarding savings that the OP has mainly contributed to.[/QUOTE]


If this were a "trust fund" type of savings that parents were putting away I might agree, but if it is just the kids birthday present money, and Christmas money, and savings from their pocket money then it is THEIRS pure and simple and the removal of it would not be ethical imo.

My mother, for instance, left strict instructions that my sons were to have a lump sum to assist them in going to university from the property and money she left when she died. I would consider I had betrayed both her trust and my childrens trust if I touched that sum now in all but the most extreme circumstances.

I would certainly say that if this were a savings account in the ops name that she was saving money "for" her childrens future then this would be different and more acceptable to use it now.