So confused, feel like I can't do my job. What to do? Where to turn?

loisa

I'm not sure if it's a good idea to self-diagnose, a lot of things can have similar symptoms.
I don't know, I just think it would be more helpful to work out what the immediate issues are and address them rather than looking for a label.

bettybelle

MichaelaBrook wrote: »

I'm worried that I'd be fobbed off with some antidepressants (though I'm not depressed)

Some antidepressants are also useful in treating OCD, panic disorder and anxiety, not just depression

I hope things get better for you soon.

MichaelaBrook

Thanks for the input and the kind words. I feel slightly better just getting a few things off my chest. It probably won't change how I behave, but my next step is to try to scrutinise and monitor my actions even more carefully than I already do, and to think before I do anything - i.e. purposeful mistakes.

However, thinking before I act is another challenge of mine I regularly do destructive and downright stupid things, knowing I'm causing an inconvenience to myself, and knowing how angry and frustrated I'll feel afterwards. Nothing major and certainly nothing dangerous, but to use one non-work related example, I recently poured a whole brand-new bottle of washing up liquid down my kitchen sink. Just because I wanted to.

So I was £2 out of pocket, and obviously gained absolutely nothing from the experience. I regularly do similar bizarre things, with rather mundane items.

I honestly feel like I've got a screw loose! I'm 23 for God's sake, and I do these things that small children do. Thing is, I'm not immature or anything like that, I just have to do these things.

This week will be time for some frank discussions with some important people. Doctor firstly, and maybe the boss too!

ceridwen

alwaysonthego wrote: »

You could have autistic tendancies maybe, I think you need to go and speak to your GP.

http://www.answers-about-autism.info/autism-what-are-the-signs.html

Thats what I was wondering actually.

I am wondering whether it might be a thought for you to contact Pastures New (who is another poster on MSE - and a pretty regular one). She is autistic - and she might have some useful advice for you.

So - this may or may not be the case with you - but it is worth checking this out to see one way or the other.

Regarding "flouting the rules" - maybe they are rules that dont actually make any sense - hence no wonder you are flouting them if so.

NattyVee

It sounds to me like you may be suffering from OCD or a stress-related disorder (aside from the autistic possibility mentioned earlier).

You say you're 23, my housemate developed OCD in her late teens (I believe that was brought on by stress). Don't think of it as 'you've got a screw loose', there may be other factors.

The washing up liquid is interesting, it sounds like you're rebelling against everything for the sake of it, could this be related to job dissatisfaction (albeit at a subconscious level)?

Seems like there's a little child in you screaming for attention, maybe a GP or counsellor can help you uncover why.

Good luck!

emmell

If I were you I would make an appointment to see your Doctor. I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, I only worked one day a week (for my sisters) as a favour, but it got to the point where I wanted to go home as soon as I got to work. I take tablets but they didn't seem to be doing any good (they had worked in the past). It had got so bad that I wouldn't go out at all, but they have jiggled my tablet's round, tried some different ones and now I seem to be turning a corner and becoming more confident and every day feels better.
I felt the same as you about counselling and tablets, I couldn't see how a tablet could make a difference, believe me they do. The ones they use now are non addictive and you would start on a low dose so don't be afraid to give them a try.
It may seem hard to explain to a Doctor but they will ask you questions which make it easier. My anxiety causes Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which makes it even harder to go anywhere, but even that is clearing up and I am now venturing out and I plan to drive tomorrow for the first time in two months. I even considered selling my car last week as I couldn't see me ever driving again (that's how my family realised how bad I had got as I love my car with a passion).
I hope you try to get things sorted out before you give up your job because being at home all day doesn't give any incentive to get better.
Good luck.
ML.

marklv

MichaelaBrook wrote: »

Oops, I forgot to mention - I've been to uni, I graduated in 2008.

I don't blame my job itself for my problems, I blame myself. My job is a typical officey-affair. It's not exactly thrilling, but it's in line with what I'm qualified to do, and I enjoy the actual work as much as one can enjoy their job.

I just don't know what to do, though. By which I don't mean I'm having a career direction dilemma typical of us young people , I just don't know how I'm going to get through the next day, let alone the next 40-odd years of interacting with people when I evidently barely know how to!

I'm not shy, I just can't build rapport with people - to say the least! As I mentioned, I have my friends - but thinking about it, I haven't made a new friend/acquaintence since before I left secondary school.

I have the confidence to approach people when I need to - for example when a work situation requires it - but I don't seem to be able to form bonds, or to exude the friendliness that I know I have inside me somewhere.

I seem to isolate and alienate people without even realising I'm doing so, and this actually happens in pretty much all aspects of my life, it's just that the work aspect is most noticeable because of all the time I spend there and because it's my means of existence!

Thanks ever so much for your input, much appreciated.

M x

I'm sure you are perfectly normal. The modern workplace is full of politics and !!!!!iness - don't let yourself be dragged into it. If you don't like your job, look for another one, but make sure you have a clear idea of the work you really want to do. Don't just do any job to earn some money.

As for your erratic behaviour, you might want to seek professional help.

ceridwen

MichaelaBrook wrote: »

I've suspected mild tendancies for quite some time, but have always put the idea to the back of my mind and have never researched autism - and its whole spectrum - in any detail.

I guess I'm frightened in case I am diagnosed with The Big A :-/

An understandable fear in some ways.

The thing is though - that IF you do have autism - then the knowing/not knowing a diagnosis for it wont make any difference. Not knowing about it wouldnt take it away (if its there) IYSWIM. IF you do have this - then it would be best to get a diagnosis of that - then you would know where you stand and could start working out strategies to deal with it.

NB; I would think twice - indeed thrice - before going down the drug route to try and deal with this. They may tell you something is "non-addictive" - that doesnt mean it actually WILL be. I'm trying to remember the name at the moment of that pretty recent "happy pill". I do remember when it came onto the market and that it was supposed to be all shades of wonderful and non-addictive - Prozac (I just remembered). It didnt take long before they discovered that that is addictive too and there are other side-effects.

Dr.Shoe_2

I just think your job isn't challenging enough.

Ask your boss for more responsibilities?

yellowduck_2

Hi there, have just finished reading this thread, first I want to say I think you come across as very intelligent, articulate and self aware and these aspects of your personality may well be able to be the "tools" you could use to help yourself. You are aware that you don't feel "right" with either yourself and your job so you have a starting point to move forward. I do hope you have a good GP who will take the time to listen to you. I do hope things improve.