A good job or quality of life..

gabyjane

Pee wrote: »

I have cut my hours because I think having enough to live off and enough holidays to enjoy life are what is important to me.

It sounds to me like you want to martyr yourself with how hard working you are, and also make your DH do a lot more than he would like to.[/QUOTE]

Pmsl i hope that is a joke!! the only thing he does is empty the dishwasher twice a week if i'm lucky!! The point of my post was partly the fact i do EVERYTHING!!

gabyjane

itsallinthemind wrote: »

If the issue with getting a cleaner is remotely related to having someone do YOUR housework in YOUR house etc, then how about getting a gardener and sending ironing off? Sounds to me that he is not willing to do it all and if gtting the gardern/ironing pile taken care of means less pressure on time for housework it may help?

Do you NEED to do the part time job? Sounds like you would then have a lot more time with your partner and you could both do the housework TOGETHER as you would be working simmilar hours?

Hi as said no i don't NEED to do it BUT i do for the security. I also do it 6-8am so feel it makes no difference to seeing him as he is asleep!!

itsallinthemind

gabyjane wrote: »

[/B]

Hi as said no i don't NEED to do it BUT i do for the security. I also do it 6-8am so feel it makes no difference to seeing him as he is asleep!!

Whoops! Fair point

Just read you saying that hubby does ZERO. I'd be peeved to frankly, so totally understand, considering his working hours/yours, where you are coming from.

It just does not sound to me like he is going to either! So really that leaves you with a choice of allocating chores to each of you? Or give him just ONE room to be responsible for? Sounds like even if you gave him the beds to do and hoovering it would be a battle to get that agreed, but it is something at least?

I don't envy you, sometimes cleaning can cause more disagreements than finances

gabyjane

Hi thanks itsallinthemind. Yes he does very very little..the only time he will do something is if i ask or if i get in a strop then he goes all out to improve..like yesterday when i got home from work he had sorted all the washing and clothes he then told me it was super creased..that was my point i was waiting for as he did the tumble drying after the last strop and left it in there..hence it drying all screwed up grr!! He sorted the clothes as i said into piles for me him dd and the bathroom etc, the piles for me and dd were all mixed up which we did laugh about (me and dd) as we spent the next few mins throwing pants and stuff to each others rooms!!
Know it must be hard for him to know whats what there though.

Upstairs now as we speak the washing basket is all over the floor, the carpet is covered in fluff and looks a mess..i guaruntee if i leave it it will still be there when i return on friday night (as going away)..shall i leave it as a test!!

So instead of us spending time together i am cleaning the house.not now though iv'e got to go cook dinner!

LJM

gabyjane you need to read him the riot act tell him there are 2 adults in the relationship he being one who also makes mess should also be the one who helps clean it up, they can drive you mad sometimes

itsallinthemind

gabyjane wrote: »

Hi thanks itsallinthemind. Yes he does very very little..the only time he will do something is if i ask or if i get in a strop then he goes all out to improve..like yesterday when i got home from work he had sorted all the washing and clothes he then told me it was super creased..that was my point i was waiting for as he did the tumble drying after the last strop and left it in there..hence it drying all screwed up grr!! He sorted the clothes as i said into piles for me him dd and the bathroom etc, the piles for me and dd were all mixed up which we did laugh about (me and dd) as we spent the next few mins throwing pants and stuff to each others rooms!!
Know it must be hard for him to know whats what there though.

Upstairs now as we speak the washing basket is all over the floor, the carpet is covered in fluff and looks a mess..i guaruntee if i leave it it will still be there when i return on friday night (as going away)..shall i leave it as a test!!

So instead of us spending time together i am cleaning the house.not now though iv'e got to go cook dinner!

Oh dear! I threw a strop once and it resulted in pink shirts, a pile that had been boiled(40 degrees apparently gr, but he did have to get the instruction manual out, bless!) and as with you, terrible creases from the tumble drier. Washing was my forte after that!

I'm wondering if there are chores that men are more suited to? I know my father if cleaning their kitchen causes more chaos, he just redistributes any grease from cooking and an ex of mine used to literally flood a bathroom cleaning it and I swear it looked dirtier afterwards:rotfl:

Men do tend(yesI am being stereotypical) to do better in the garden, taking out refuse, unloading dishwashers, hoovering etc.

Instead of testing him, getting stressed and throwing wobblers, instead of telling him what you want him to do or making him think for himself, could you not ask him and your daughter no matter what the age, to pick what jobs they want to take responsibilty for? Explain that you are not trying to get out of chores or to play the martyr, but at the end of the day you feel you all work hard in your own way, but do all live there and should have equal free time?

I think it is safe to say that nagging will not get you anywhere, you may not think you are, but often we do it without realising

gabyjane

LJM wrote: »

gabyjane you need to read him the riot act tell him there are 2 adults in the relationship he being one who also makes mess should also be the one who helps clean it up, they can drive you mad sometimes

Already done and argued over..find it pointless tbh and can't be doing with the hassle most of the time..now though hopefully ti will take some of the stress off..if the job falls through least will only have that to do!

gabyjane

itsallinthemind..i agree with your points and lol at some of them too! Tbh i think another point is that dd is equally as hard work which i forgot to add..sitting there last night i realised that the pair of them are just draining me and it's 2 against 1 at the mo as im always the bad guy. Last night she had a pack of crisps (in the lounge and not supposed to as makes so much mess)..all over the sofa were crumbs after ide just hoovered..asking her to remove it gets her in a huff. I then saw her bring a drink in..again not being over strict here but she has had this tendancy to spill drinks since she has been born!..put it on top of the printer..our new one grr..i asked her to move it .she did reluctantly and then drunk it..left the glass there and walked out..half hour later she waltzes in with another drink..milkshake in another glass..asking her to take them back she storms off and dumps them on top of the dishwasher.

The above is the same all over the house..anything she doesnt want in her room is dumped in the hall for me to sort..i stopped this by putting it all in bags and dumping in the garage! Actually is it her stressing me out more!

itsallinthemind

Live in the garage?

Savvy_Sue

How old is DD?