A good job or quality of life..

Oldernotwiser

I'm with your husband on this - get a cleaner, get a gardener, offload the boring bits on somebody else and then you'll have enough time for both work and family.

ailuro2

If it were me I'd ditch the part time job. I'd also make sure DH took his turn of stuff round the house on his days off. Just because you work from home doesn't mean you are available to do housework, it's important to point that out.

You're right to say it will benefit you in later years if you can get rid of a bit of the mortgage now, but never seeing much of your family means there might not be an 'other half' there to enjoy it with once it's all paid off. There needs to be a balance.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.;)

Lotus-eater

gabyjane wrote: »

A good job or quality of life..

The two aren't mutually exclusive you know

This sort of question depends so much on how the person asking feels.

I worked my a*se off when I was younger, paid off a big chunk of our mortgage, almost had a breakdown, set up and ran my own business, got very stressed and enjoyed it.
Now I have enough money, I don't feel the need to work hard. Life is simply a different sort of place for me now.

Neither way of looking at life is right, it is/was, just right for me at the time.

You can have a good job and still have a great quality of life, get the gardener if you want, get the cleaner.
I go the other way, I can't see the point in working harder, just to pay out for someone else to do what I can do, or to buy things I don't really need. Therefore I earn less, have a more relaxed lifestyle, but don't have as much money/things as other people.

Again, neither way of looking at it is right, just right for different people.

seafarers_wife

for us at the moment im 24 and hes 25 we are concentrating on the job side of things to enable us to have a better quality of life in the next 4/5 years. we have savings, but we also have debt and have a plan to pay back most of the debt over the next year without the savings balance having to suffer.

our plan is for us both to work, rent out this house for the next 3 years, have all debts paid off and have a pretty hefty deposit and then either see about emigrating to america or australia. if neither of those come to plan then we will be buying here and starting a family. will fit a wedding in next year as well.

i get a cleaner in every so often but im trying flylady this week, but if i could have someone come in once a week to do my ironing i would be there like a shot.

its all about what your priorities are, ours are family and havign a house with as small a mortgage as possible.

gabyjane

Hi thanks for the replys.

Won't reply individually as could take ages but will try to cover everyones points!

Do we need the money if i didn't take this job? No.. but if i don't another one is very unlikely to come along. Being self employed in this job means you take what you can within reason and build up your income for when it's quiet..i'm hoping other childminders understand where i'm coming from! I'm sure most SE people work themsleves to the ground 'just incase'!!

I feel i cannot give up my part time job as it is an employed position, pretty secure (been there years!) and it is my backfall incase i have no work..also depite the hours i do enjoy it!

I will agree in the past i have been a bit money orientated as since being a little girl i have wanted my own home for the security, nice car, furniture etc and now have that i feel i can relax but need to save for the future. We are lucky to have everything we need and struggle to spend money at the best of times (unless it's in the supermarket!)..i know this is a nice position to be in but on one hand i like to keep buisy as get bored! (cant win!)

Dh says about the cleaner and i have decided i will go with it and see how it goes..I guess i brushed this off immediatly as it is his easy way out of not doing much! i am pretty obsesive with cleaning and feel like i would run round the house before she came to make sure it was clean lol hence pointless..i just need to go out for the day and leave them to it i think!..as for the gardening we have had one before and it was fab..where we live lots refused when we moved in for various reasons (new estate and not worth their while) so need to look into that again..in the past though although ive been buisy i have had spare time to do things like that but no time for me.

I guess i'm just a workaholic if i can be and will do anything for anyone..i love decorating and diy etc and do everything in our house from painting to putting furniture together, something some of my friends find bizzare! I am starting next week on yet another friends house cleaning and doing some painting for her..yes i should be taking it easy but tbh if i'm not doing that i'm doing it here!

I think with a cleaner and some help etc i will hopefully cope better and not take it out on dh..time will tell i guess!

Thanks again for the replys x

londoner1998

gabyjane wrote: »

Didn't know how to title it tbh so stay with me!!

Ok i'm a childminder and have since the day i started earnt a good wage..been lucky i dont know but got to the point 4 weeks ago where i lost my full time child and as of wed will only have school run children. I was asked to look after twins full time last week and fingers crossed sign the paperwork on the 31st..this will bring in a lot a week and on working out my annual wage last night was quite shocked to see what i would be on.
This includes my employed part time job and some of the school runs as will have to lose a couple to accomodate the twins (before anyone jumps in parents know etc!) but basically what with mine and dh's wages we have the opportunity to save a hell of a lot of money up.

Dh works full time hours over 4 days and has 3 off.

So after a row this morning over him helping with bits round the house etc and him saying 'get a cleaner etc' i wondered why i bother..we dont NEED to earn what we do but i feel as we are young we should take what we can get and pay off as much of the house so we are not like this years down the line? I think we cope as we are why make more work for the sake of it? but id'e get bored not working and am a glutten for punishment! I have worked since being 15 all the time and had a few months off when dd 2 was born due to her dad walking out..after that i was straight back into it..and have been ever since.

So for those of you or partners in time consuming jobs how do you have an equal balance and avoid splitting up!! at the mo we see each other quite a lot but this will change to hardly ever..would just be interested in how couples cope with running a house and working and seeing each other as im having doubts at the mo.

Thanks

It is not easy, but it can be done- my case- I work full time (8.30 -4.30 Mon-Fri) with a bit of overtime thrown in (Fridays until 7 pm the occassional Sat 10 am)-1 pm. I also go to yoga classes once a week and do volutary work in the yoga center that invlves meetings every months or so, even though last year I had to step in and spend a lot of my free time there every week.. He works three full time days at a college and the rest freelance (events organising, soudn technician) as much as he can as he needs to reach a full time salary. So that's hard because it involves often late nights after college work and many weekends. He is just starting to get teaching and assessing at his college and the one he trained in, which means Mon, Tues and Wed will be longer but will eventually leave his weekends off- he has an 11 year old daughter from a previous relatioshipbthat stays with us over the weekend (and he has to pay CSA and contribute to school trips and what not), so as you can imagine it is diffictul to see each other much... I have gone through periods of being really anxious as he sometimes don't see much of each other and felt quite neglected. But I count myself lucky that he is extremely hard working and driven and he is getting lots of work coming in his direction. I am also blessed with the fact that he is supportive of everything and anything I do. Money is tight but stable at the moment and I can see how he is getting very well established and is being smart in his choices (he is also a songwriter and continues to write but never stopped bringing money in- doing any job that was availble in the early days).

What I am doing is to try and keep the spark- may be having coffee in bed together in the morning, or going for coffee/dinner once a week if we can. Sometimes is just cosy dinner at home. I came to value the fact that we are not joined at the hip and we both are reltively enjoying what we do (he a bit more than me but I am workign on moving on and I am satisfied with my work). The housework was a serious problem at some point, I ended up doign everything but with a bit ( a lot !!) of discussion, coaxing, persuasion and patience, we are more of less equal at the moment (don't be fooled , there were a lot of arguments). We hardly have anything left at the end of the month but I know that will change and we have no debts (only his tax returns mess up his cashflow sometimes, but he is on top of it). I have changed my focus and now I am looking for a job (in my company) with a more managerial slant and better pay , even though my first love is radio and I work in production on my overtime- however, the hours can be nasty and the pay is very low to begin with- I have other skills I now want to develop so that with a better salary we can have more free time together... If you want, it can be done- just make sure you develop your interests (both or you) and you keep looking after the relationhsip in small ways...makre sure you show your support (I know smetimes it is you who needs to be suported) and have a balanced life...whatever that means for you.:D

gabyjane

Thanks londoner1998 see people like you currently make me feel quite lazy as my hours i think are nothing near in comparison!! well i currently get ap at 5.15am and go to bed at roughly 11pm, work and all the rest of it is mixed throughout the week!

I know what you are saying and we do currently see each other quite a bit..another thing is even if we are just at home working from home is a bonus..but come the twins my days are occupied 24/7!!

We go out a lot for meals and must try to keep doing this and with the cleaning etc as i said should hopefully help.
Thanks x

Pee

I have cut my hours because I think having enough to live off and enough holidays to enjoy life are what is important to me.

It sounds to me like you want to martyr yourself with how hard working you are, and also make your DH do a lot more than he would like to.

londoner1998

gabyjane wrote: »

Thanks londoner1998 see people like you currently make me feel quite lazy as my hours i think are nothing near in comparison!! well i currently get ap at 5.15am and go to bed at roughly 11pm, work and all the rest of it is mixed throughout the week!

I know what you are saying and we do currently see each other quite a bit..another thing is even if we are just at home working from home is a bonus..but come the twins my days are occupied 24/7!!

We go out a lot for meals and must try to keep doing this and with the cleaning etc as i said should hopefully help.
Thanks x

I can see where you are coming from, as I am also a bit obssessed with hourswork- but if you can affordit, get a cleaner... it is avery small outlay and it wil give you a bit of time to breathe.. If you can afford it why not? I know that when I can, it will be a cleaner once a week or two... just to be abet o enjoy the weekend without thinking ' the bathroom/kitchen floor need doing'... it might just be the little bit that you need to be able to relax... but I do agree that as freelances you need to stash money when the work is there...
just don\'t forget what you work for!! (answer: to enjoy your life!!)-:D

itsallinthemind

If the issue with getting a cleaner is remotely related to having someone do YOUR housework in YOUR house etc, then how about getting a gardener and sending ironing off? Sounds to me that he is not willing to do it all and if gtting the gardern/ironing pile taken care of means less pressure on time for housework it may help?

Do you NEED to do the part time job? Sounds like you would then have a lot more time with your partner and you could both do the housework TOGETHER as you would be working simmilar hours?