Daughter has bitten and scratched

Pete.g

Hi our 2year old daughter had recently started nursery and although she loves it, twice now she has hurt children she was playing with, once bitten and now scratched. This usually happens when she wants a toy the other child has although she has done it at home to myself and my wife when she is tired.

We have tried the naughty step but this has no effect (she thinks it's funny).

I know lots of children go through this stage but we are really upset at the fact she has done this to other children is there anything we can do to make her stop this?

JodyBPM

Don't worry. My DD did this once or twice when she first went to nursery at 2. I was mortified! But once or twice is normal, or if anything less than normal.

You need to deal with it when it happens (so at nursery, they need to deal with it, there and then) by expressing your displeasure and removing her (eg naughty step etc). Just simply she needs to learn that agressive behaviour *removes* attention rather than *giving* attention .

It's totally normal and she will grow out of it really soon.

mrcow

Pete.g wrote: »

This usually happens when she wants a toy the other child has although she has done it at home to myself and my wife when she is tired.

We have tried the naughty step but this has no effect (she thinks it's funny).

Completely not on.

If she thinks that sitting in the corner of a room is funny - then fine. Let her laugh away. Stick her in the corner. And walk away. Don't make it a game. Don't give her any attention.

If you don't think it's going in, then combine it with a further punishment. On a three year old, I would use eg. missing a pudding (whilst others are having one) - it's relevent and very real - and trust me - she won't think that's a game.

After a while, you won't have to use the combination as she'll take any punishemnt serious enough.

Completely agree about the nursery btw - what happens in nursery should be dealt with by the nursery. It's too late to stick her in a corner once you get home. She can still miss her pudding though.

JodyBPM

mrcow wrote: »

Completely not on.

If she thinks that sitting in the corner of a room is funny - then fine. Let her laugh away. Stick her in the corner. And walk away. Don't make it a game. Don't give her any attention.

If you don't think it's going in, then combine it with a further punishment. On a three year old, I would use eg. missing a pudding (whilst others are having one) - it's relevent and very real - and trust me - she won't think that's a game.

After a while, you won't have to use the combination as she'll take any punishemnt serious enough.

Completely agree about the nursery btw - what happens in nursery should be dealt with by the nursery. It's too late to stick her in a corner once you get home. She can still miss her pudding though.

You are absolutely right that it is not on.

It is normal, though.

Most children will go through a stage of this. You just need to nip it in the bud, and teach her that agression gives no rewards (eg she doesn't get the toy she wants but hurting someone else, if she does that, she doesn't get it, and she gets put on the naughty step) Keep up with the naughty step, she's at the youngest age you can use it, but if you perserve, she will get it. You just need to keep putting her back. Over and over. Until she gets it!

esmf73

persevere with the naughty step - or whatever your time out measure is - eventually they do learn - apparently!

Dr.Shoe_2

My Mum was waiting for me to get off the school bus (I was about 5 or 6) when she heard another mother telling her friend that "that master Shoe is a complete animal, he bit my Harold on the arm!".

Mum, as you would expect stepped back a bit and hoped the mother didn't know what I looked like. What Mum nor the mother didn't know was that darling harold had me in a headlock asnd was inviting his friends to come over and punch me in the face.

(names have been changed to protect the guilty)

Mupette

mum cured me of biting other children, she bit me..
even though my cousin stole my scooter, he wouldn't give it back so i bit him,

Jo_R_2

I think it's a phase/stage a lot of kids go through and unfortunately you do get mortified when you are told, my DD2 did it to another child when she was at nursery, I had noticed it was something she did now and again to her big sister when frustrated to show her displeasure.

I think you do need to be age-appropriate with how you react to this. For example, as mentioned, disciplining way after the event to me is pointless, kids of that age don't have the understanding to comprehend what you're doing.

I think however nursery need to deal with it appropriately at the time, and that you do the same if it occurs out of nursery. I did the remove-from-the-situation with stern words. You say your DD is two, I do think how 'much' she is two (sounds odd, I mean whether she's just turned two, or two-and-a-half, or closer to three) makes a difference although I'm guessing she'll be on the younger side of two. I personally wouldn't use the naughty step on a very young child but time out, putting them away from everyone else I think is more appropriate.

Gingham_Ribbon

Yes, it's unacceptable. But, as others have said, for that age, it's completely normal too. Chances are, at 2, they won't be able to communicate exactly how they're feeling, don't understand waiting yet and haven't learned how other people feel.

So the job is not only stopping them from hurting others, but helping them do something more appropriate instead.

Because this happened at nursery, I don't think there should be a further punishment at home, except making it clear that you support the teachers. At that age, the key is an IMMEDIATE consequence to their behaviour. eg not allowing them to play with the toy the fight was over or having to sit away from the other children to calm down etc.

So at home, I'd model good behaviour and practice with him, role playing with toy people/animals, talking about feelings and what to do if you feel cross about not being able to get a toy straight away.

It's right that there should be consequences to bad behaviour, but there should also be good, clear examples of what they should have done instead. At 2, they have a lot to learn and learning NOT to do something isn't as effective as learning WAYS not to do it.

Edit - sorry, I realise now you were talking about your daughter, not a son.

mrcow

JodyBPM wrote: »

You are absolutely right that it is not on.

It is normal, though.

My post was about the child being violent towards her parents. I wouldn't call it particularly normal. Certainly no child (mine or otherwise) has ever been violent towards me and I would have zero tolerance if they ever tried to be. It needs to be dealt with effectively. Effective and relevent discipline will produce effective results.

If the child thinks it's a game and finds the whole process funny, then the parent is not being effective in the way they are dealing with it and needs to look at how they handle such situations and how to change their behaviour to let it be known that it's not going to be happening again.

hayleyc_2

I have a nearly 2.5 yr old and I wouldn't do time-outs or naughty steps 'cos I don't think he's old enough to understand, and I don't think it really teaches the child WHY they shouldn't be dong the particular behaviour. Like your daughter I think he'd either laugh or just get more upset and the situation would escalate. I agree with Gingham Ribbon that it's really important to deal with the issue at the time by giving the child a positive example to do instead, and if necessary removing the child from the situation to calm down. One technique I've read is to hold the child's hands and physically show them what they CAN do, rather than just telling them what they can't do. Chilren learn a lot easier through their bodies and movement rather than just being told. The example given in the book is if a child is pulling your hair, then hold their hand and use a stroking movement instead, saying something along the lines of 'We don't pull hair, we stroke it gently'. Also exaggerated facial expressions help. Even if it doesn't hurt much, act as though it does and make 'OW' noises, then when they're doing the desirable behaviour, make a fuss about how nice it feels and have a smiley face We've tried this with our son when he gets a bit rough, and he always gives us a hug and says 'Sorry Mummy/Daddy'.