NRPP's children & access

Kimitatsu

Gemma

Go down the CSA route - I KNOW you have tried to avoid it but as all of us parents know on here, just because some babies sleep through the night others just never do (my "baby" is 13 years old and still doesnt sleep well :rotfl:)

If you ring the CSA then the date you ring them is when he starts being liable for maintenance and as much as it pains me to recommend them, if he is going to start all this nonsense then its better to have it on a legal footing than to wonder IF he will pay maintenance or not.

Just a thought to contact the school and ensure that he does not pick them up unless you specifically authorise them to release the girls to him, if you want PIL to pick them up at short notice you can always give them a specific password to give the school, thats what I did with my childminder and it means there can be no errors.

Dont apologise young lady - all of us on these boards NRP's and PWC's have been there and done it, come back and bend ears as much as you like

xx

daska

Lots of good advice there.

Don't rely on being at the school gate to intercept him, he could turn up early and be gone by the time you arrive.

Contact the CSA now, he's obviously looking for any excuse to stop paying maintenance.

Just because he's said he 'wants' it and it's written on headed paper does not make it legally binding. It also doesn't mean that this is what his solicitor has told him he should aspire to. The chances are that the solicitor has explained how maintenance is calculated and your ex has gone for the 'cheapest' option.

Whilst there is no legal obligation to inform the other parent of the child's location while on a contact visit, it's not considered good form unless there is very good reason to do so (violence, abuse etc). So once again it's unlikely that his solicitor has told him to withhold this information.

I suggest you tell him, very politely, that the children's welfare has to be the priority when arranging contact.

The mischievous part of me suggests that you could sweetly offer to let him have the baby stay over from birth - you'll pack all his feeding equipment for him to collect - his face should be a picture when you climb into the car with the kids LOL.

clearingout

Hello - I have been a lurker on this forum for sometime but reading your post has compelled me to register to reply to you! Does this site have a PM facility?! Can't work it out!!!

Basically, I am looking to respond to you on the breastfeeding issue - I have a 7 month old baby with my ex who has dragged me through the CAFCASS process (and before anyone judges, there was no contact blocking or difficulties on my part - just a girlfriend who was abusing our older children emotionally and physically and an ex who put himself first....). I also had to deal with the paternity issue - cos obviously the fact he'd been having an affair for 2 years meant I must have been too! It is not really relevant to a money saving site but hopefully my experience might be of use to you.

If someone can direct me to the PMs, I'll give you the detail! Thanks!

missbunbury

Just a thought about how to explain to him that 4 weeks is way too early - try telling him to think about how it would be if you two were still together. You wouldn't be swanning off all weekend, every weekend and leaving him with the baby, would you? I agree with you about the baby, it's far too soon. He needs to build up to weekends, and I wouldn't think weekends would really be appropriate until the baby is mainly having proper food. At that point, if you're still breastfeeding, it'll be a lot less, and you'll be able to think about expressing enough to last him for an overnight stay.

Seriously, it sounds to me as if you need help. Have you asked him to engage with a mediation service? I know you're trying to keep everything amicable, but I don't think he's trying anywhere near as hard as you are - just because he's not shouting and throwing things doesn't mean he's being completely reasonable, and I think if you let him carry on the way he has been you are going to have trouble further on down the road - much better to get these issues solved now, before you are in the vulnerable position of just having given birth.

maggied_2

clearing out - if you click on the OP's name on the left you will get a drop down list with an option to send a private message - click on this. HTH.

romanempire

GobbledyGook wrote: »

...nightmare ex acting like a to00ser and living in cloud cuckoo land...

I don't really have much to contribute other than to agree with most of the suggestions and wish you luck. Stay strong.

P

GobbledyGook

Thanks all.

CSA process is already underway (he's trying to claim a reduction for the other 2 "children"). He seems to be obstructing them at every turn so far though.

My solicitor has written him a letter outlining the contact I feel is acceptable and has stated my reasons for it rather than just an outright no.

I've spoken to the school and nursery about him trying to collect them. The nursery have been great - they will only allow myself, MIL or my cousin to collect my youngest. The school have said they'll have to look into things because they don't know if they can stop him collecting my eldest when I don't have any court order or anything. Not very helpful of them, but I can understand them covering their backs.


We've suggested he takes the girls one evening after school/nursery for dinner then 1 afternoon at a weekend to re-establish their contact. We've proposed this is built up for 4 or 5 weeks before we move to one evening then one night overnight at the weekends. I don't think that is unreasonable. The solicitor has also told him that for me the contact with the girls and the new baby will be dealt with separately because of age and breastfeeding.

The reason I'm wanting to know who is caring for them if he is working is because he is not speaking to PIL or his siblings. If he was then it would be them and I'd be absolutely fine with it. As it is I don't see his new gf giving up her Saturday to mind 2 or 3 young children so it'll be some random babysitter. One of my daughters is epileptic and I want/need to know that she is being cared for by someone with half a clue of what they are doing.

I've been signed off work atm as I'm really struggling with SPD. He's just adding to it and doesn't seem the least bit bothered. It's amazing how much people can change in such a short space of time.

Thanks all. Gemma x

missmontana

Good luck, stay strong and sending you some hugs :A

maggied_2

Gemma - your daughter being epileptic does put a different spin on things - I don't blame you for being cautious.

It sounds like everything you're doing is in the best interests of your daughters and I think you're being very fair.

Just a quick thought regarding the school - if he turns up to collect the girls without you having agreed to it, it will not look good on him! If it should happen log it - if it comes up later no protestations of "I wanted to see them" will help, particularly in light of the fact he hasn't bothered seeing them for so long.

Good luck - you are dealing with so much with an incredible amount of strength and dignity. No matter what he does always focus on being able to say in the future (it's what we do in the dark moments!) "Everything I did was in the best interests of my children". I'm sure (am hoping) it will be recognised in the end.

C xx

kelloggs36

The school CANNOT legally stop him from taking the children out of the school as he is their father unless you have an injunction.