Police forced entry to our flat while we were out

Quackers

Zazen999 wrote: »

Shouldn't PRIVATE messages be PRIVATE???

They should.

And Pink has asked for them to be removed.

I've reported them - Tandraig should respect Pink's wishes and remove them as she asked.

Not nice.

legio11

pinpink i hope you are ok, what you are deciding to do is very brave and the way you are going about it as long as you feel it is the best and safest way for you to do that is your buisness and no one elses, pp was very wrong in posting your pm's and it will make me think twice about conversing with people via that method. x

c_l_a_i_r_e

tandraig wrote: »

so why did you post?

She posted asking for advise as to whether the police would pay for the damage to the door they broke down. She did not ask for advise on the situation with her partner, although I accept that by mentioning domestic violence in her OP she was inviting comment on it regardless. Threads like this can be frustrating to read, but the last thing the posters on them need is to be badgered about how inadequate they are being in dealing with it.

By responding to your PM she was taking you into her confidence, and posting that conversation for the whole board to read is wrong. I hope you remove your posts Tandraig, and I hope the OP isn't discouraged from posting here again.

Quackers

legio11 wrote: »

it will make me think twice about conversing with people via that method. x

c_l_a_i_r_e wrote: »

I hope the OP isn't discouraged from posting here again.

That is what I find so sad about it all.

Sometimes it's really good to have a private chat with a 'randomer' over the internet to get things off our chest and to help us look at things in a different light.

When people abuse our trust by posting PRIVATE messages we have sent them then we are unlikely to trust again...and when we see it happen to other people we are unlikely to even try...:(

Ickle-toots

I thought if you PM'd someone, they would have the decency NOT to broadcast it & try & make out that the OP has done something wrong - seems quite a normal genuine post - why create a load of drama ??

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

So, the upshot of this thread is that yes, the police will pay for the damage to the door, the OP will carry on in denial about the degree of danger she is in, getting hostile towards people challenging her programming/wanting to help, and in all probability she will carry on just as before until she can't handle him anymore and she comes up on the local news as the latest woman to be killed by her abusive partner.

If someone still thinks they can handle it, and they'll leave just as soon as it gets a little bit worse, there's no reasoning with them that it might be too late when that point is reached. And therefore, the abuser has gained the upper hand yet again, as the 'training' he has carried out has reached fruition - whatever he does, she will make excuses to stay.

So she has the only bit of the answer she is currently interested in - the bit about paying for the door that was broken for fear of her being the other side of it beaten to death.

At this stage of the abuse, she is going to react angrily to the people wanting to help, turning the focus onto them - perhaps because she daren't go on the offensive with the bloke because he would batter her senseless if she tried?

When she's ready, assuming she isn't on life support at the time, there will be support available to her to leave.

I hope that she avails herself of the facility before it's too late.

Lotus-eater

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

So, the upshot of this thread is that yes, the police will pay for the damage to the door, the OP will carry on in denial about the degree of danger she is in.

I think the same, but it's not our life to live is it?

I would never ever, share a pm on a forum and to do so, is so wrong, especially in this situation, I am a bit shocked tbh.

I'm so shocked I can't even do a lickle joke about all the ladies on here who have pm'd me to profess their undying love*, have nothing to fear, no pm's will ever be put on display.






*Total number so far ...0

nikki33

I'm a regular reader of the MSE forum but this post has annoyed me enough to want to register and comment.
It just goes to show how much ignorance there is out there about domestic violence. The usual if "if it is so bad then why doesn't she just leave".
I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years and although I knew for years it was wrong and that I had to leave, it took 3 attempts before I finally could make that break.
I like Pink consider myself to be intelligent - I have two degrees yet, these men destroy any self confidence that you have and make you feel like you are stupid and can't cope without them.
Pink knows her situation like I knew mine. My ex-partner was so scared of anything to do with the law, that I knew that he wouldn't actually carry out his threats and when I left he didn't.
Pink, I know you will leave one day when the time is right and a better life is waiting for you. You are already doing the right things by being in touch with outreach.
As for tandraig, you are not helping at all, Pink's self esteem is probably very fragile at the moment and criticism is the last thing she needs. If you have never been in that situation, you will never understand how difficult it is to leave but I have every faith that it won't be long before Pink will be able to leave.

Mutter_2

I think any poster putting up private messages for thousands to read should be PPR'd immediately.

katiesmummy

To the OP- I am sorry you are going through all of this.

I would definately agree with talking to the outreach worker about this whole situation- are they a part of women's aid? They helped me when I left and they were great- found me somewhere to go very quickly in a different area.

I know its scary- a fear of the unknown is a terrible thing. I almost went back home several times from refuge- because at the time I would rather be beaten and belittled than live with the unknown fear of what would happen in my life- at least the attacks were a constant (I know that probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people!). It takes time, but leaving is really the best thing you can do.

Nobody can tell you what to do, and if you are forced to leave then you are a lot more likely to go back again, but take a step back and look at your life- are you happy? Something I did that might or might not help you- I sat down one evening and I wrote down every single incident I could remember, every punch, every kick, every word, every controlling moment- and I was horrified when I finished- it took 30 a4 pages both sides. Every time I felt like going back I would read some of it and remind myself that this is what I would be taking myself and my children back to.

I don't mean this in a nasty way, but don't kid yourself that he will listen to an injunction- you can't say for sure what he would do if he was angry enough, and believe me an injunction preventing him from coming near you/your home would make him plenty angry. He might not breach it when he is thinking rationally, but it may just take a couple of drinks to get him riled up enough to come and attempt to break down the door to get to you.

Refuges are safe and welcoming, and you can pretty much choose where you want to go, please just think about it.

Feel free to pm me if you wish, I promise I won't post anything on the main forum. Take care of yourself