Please help (sorry long story)

euronorris

Hi Debjam!

My OH is very similar to you in a lot of ways, so just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Also - size 12 is not fat. Not even close!

And, please also try to understand that it is, sometimes, going to be hard for your OH to keep things to himself or to understand where you are coming from. Your nature is to be quiet and keep things private, but it sounds like he is quite the opposite, so sometimes - he's going to mess up. This isn't because he wants to hurt you or doesn't care, it's because he's human.

I am also quite different to my OH in that I am quite confident in social situations etc and so I find it hard, sometimes, to understand why something is so upsetting to him when it doesn't even register on my radar.

But, I do try, really hard, to understand and be supportive and sensitive. But sometimes I mess up, and my OH understands that too.

Does your OH feel under pressure? ie, maybe he feels like he can't ever be wrong? Not saying this is the case, just throwing it out there for you to think about.

I do think counselling would be great for you, to help you build up your self esteem and to come to terms with the past etc. But also, perhaps you can ask the counsellor about seeing you as a couple sometimes? To help you both to better understand each other and to overcome this together, as a team.

Good luck x

jinky67

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Re. the highly sensitive articles Alyth mentions, the author also has a website www.hsperson.com which includes more information and articles. I found the Highly Sensitive Person book a great comfort, a real change of perspective, and I revisit it every so often.

The author has also just released a new book called The Undervalued Self http://www.amazon.co.uk/Undervalued-Self-Restore-Transform-Self-Worth/dp/0316066990/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1268441019&sr=8-1, about, well, what it says on the cover. I'm only up to chapter 6 and so far it's very good. I'm glad Alyth raised it as I was just wondering whether to post it up for you!

I hope things work out well for you.

Rosa xx

alyth wrote: »

Have a look at this article - I was trying to google for a book that I had years ago that I found helpful.

http://www.sensitiveperson.com/article.htm

This is the link to the book.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Survive-Overwhelms/dp/0722538960

It sounds as if you are a sensitive person, if there have been family issues in the past, you've perhaps retreated in on yourself from a very young age. Perhaps your OH just doesn't know how to understand you, perhaps he is being insensitive, or perhaps he's trying to draw you out from yourself - I don't know the answers, only you do.

Good luck, remember you are a unique and special person, have a chat with the doctor as it's always helpful to talk things over with someone. I had an issue recently, posted on here and got fantastic advice and spoke to a couple of people today about it - just in passing sort of thing - and they were also very helpful. I too am a private person, live on my own and go days without speaking to someone, and I'm happy like this, but sometimes it can be helpful to seek the advice of someone outwith your own situation.

thanks for those links, I do believe thats me too:obut then I have always known that, I dont think people understand the way I am though:cool:

RosaBernicia

debjam wrote: »

And yes RosaBernicia the bike ride was a great success £100,000 raised for Afghan Heroes, great day had by all.

Great - it was mentioned on local radio and I thought of you!

jinky67 wrote: »

thanks for those links, I do believe thats me too:obut then I have always known that, I dont think people understand the way I am though:cool:

Some might... the great thing about that HSP book for me was realising that I wasn't just bonkers!

Rosa xx