care work - difficult people

margaretclare

paulabear wrote: »

Hi I've had 15 years as a carer, on and off, and met some real characters! I used to go to a lady who I heard a lot of compaints about from other carers, she was very particular about food, drinks etc; one day I had time between calls so I sat with her and had my sandwich (after asking; she said she wished other people would give her time instead of rushing off, they didn't care, etc). After talking with her about her situation it was pretty clear she was clinging onto any semblance of control she could. The care company was always sending new people, who had to be given the whole routine again, as if we'd had details of everything we did and exactly how it was done it would have been a book! -and quite often people were late coming from other calls, finding the house etc. This was a lady who had been very active in the community and had been very bitter at becoming bedridden, as well as in pain most of the day with arthritis. I think a lot of people must feel the same way as they get older; bitter at their situation and dismayed by their lack of control over who is coming to their house, and what they are doing!
My advice would be to talk to her (if you can get a word in lol!) - maybe say something like 'Oh dear, that must be frustrating for you', if given opportunity - something that gives her a chance to have a moan and get it off her chest a bit. You could also try to get her talking about photos etc, compliment her grandchildren or something. If she doesn't give you chance then just smile and be pleasant, do your best to please and give her absolutely no reason to complain. Then you can just think, oh well, this is how she is and I'll just get on with my job as it's clearly not my fault she's being like this I used to go to a lady who treated us all as though we were stupid and uneducated - she'd been a teacher. She also made quite personal comments about appearance (probably because it was guaranteed to get a reaction!) I did my best to get her good side but in the end just had to grit my teeth and bear it! Good luck

The words highlighted above absolutely ring loud bells with me, and echo my own experiences.

Following widowhood and redundancy in 1992 I did a lot of this type of work, going away living with old people in their own homes. I could write a book about it. It was awful. I was a highly-qualified nurse and midwife and I was treated worse than a servant. In fact, the people who employed me could afford to pay for a carer/housekeeper/cook/driver/companion in their own homes and they were the people who had in fact had servants living-in, in the days when there were such things as live-in servants!

I found that, no matter how physically incapacitated someone might become, the last thing to go was the tongue, and that tongue could inflict pain. They seemed to know just where you were most vulnerable. I used to go away for a fortnight at a time and the minute I arrived I was usually longing to get home, although when at home, I would worry about money and know that I couldn't afford not to do this work because the mortgage had to be paid, and there was no other work. Eventually I got a part-time job in a nursing home, then met my now DH in 1997, then re-trained into office work and I did that for the last few years of my working life, up to age 67.

I know the feeling that the OP says, no matter what you do you're not right. If you go and look for her in the shower you'd be wrong - invading her privacy maybe. If you concentrated on taking the bins out and making her a drink you'd be wrong - she might have slipped in the shower and be lying helpless and you hadn't thought to look for her. You just couldn't win. I've experienced that many, many times. I've been told that the most important person in the house is the dog or the cat, and it doesn't matter if she sets the house on fire by smoking in bed, she wants to die anyway and as long as the cat gets out alive, you're only the carer and you don't matter! Or, I've been asked to make fancy dishes for the friends coming to play bridge with her. When I said I can't do that sort of cooking I've been told 'oh, I thought the agency would send a proper cook, you're no use to me'. I could go on. Thank God I don't have to do that type of work any more. I sympathise with the OP and I feel for her.

seven-day-weekend

A good, if worrying, insight, Margaret, thank you.

Margaret54

Hi honeyD I too used to do the same kind of work as you. I first worked at going to different clients homes and we were only given 30 mins in each house. I don't drive so walked everywhere. I really enjoyed my work and like you found one lady very difficult. I used to have a splitting headache by the time I came out of her house. I smiled said hello warmly asked her how she was since I saw her and all she did was complain and moan and she was hard work. I gritted my teeth and carried on. I had a few ladies houses to go to near her. I agree that there are people who are in pain and maybe not happy at someone coming in to their home, but as my then Manager told me, some people have been rude all their lives and they are still rude in their later years. She got someone else to go to her house and it was sorted out as she knew very well what she was like. It is a difficult job I know but I loved caring for people and went on to do it for a few years. Please do talk to your manager honey and well done for doing this work. All the best Margaret

MrsE_2

stripedwellies wrote: »

Way too simple
I've always been used to 'client'.
And depending on what pub 'client' is heard in, can cause problems apparently.

Of course in my team we wouldn't discuss our clients/service users/children/charges/etc in the pub (or in ear shot of the public);)

Problem solved:)

stripedwellies

MrsE wrote: »

Problem solved:)

Yup.

Much as we try, I don't think any choice of word could help with
"as soon as I got in the door the client wanted to go straight to bed and it was only 8 o'clock"
"mine was up and down all night I got no peace"

stripedwellies

margaretclare wrote: »

I sympathise with the OP and I feel for her.

The difference between what you describe and the op's woman is that there have been signs of improvement temporarily.
The points the woman has made have been valid.
The problem the op has is that the agency put her in an awkward postion in the first place, the woman is astute enough to realise she is not getting value for money and the op is having to work doubly hard to mend bridges with little experience or assistance from the agency.

adouglasmhor

MrsE wrote: »

Of course in my team we wouldn't discuss our clients/service users/children/charges/etc in the pub (or in ear shot of the public);)

Problem solved:)

Much as this is a great solution, the choice in many cases is in a public place or nowhere. That is why names and locations are not used.
Thank you for your insight, I only wish it had been usefull or constructive.

adouglasmhor

stripedwellies wrote: »

Yup.

Much as we try, I don't think any choice of word could help with
"as soon as I got in the door the client wanted to go straight to bed and it was only 8 o'clock"
"mine was up and down all night I got no peace"

Worst bit was the two of them were none the wiser until I told them, while I was being looked at like I was a procurer :eek:

honeyD

Finally got a few minnutes to update lol.
When I went in Monday morning (apprehensive to say the least) she apologised for her behaviour which I accepted and no more has been said about it all.
Ive took people's advice and done allsorts. Have not been sitting down until I need to write on the care sheets lol. Everything seems to be going ok...so far. Not holding my breath though lol, I dont know if she is just on her best behaviour or if she is happy Im doing more. Im still finding it difficult to find other jobs to do. Ive asked to sweep the floor but she says her granddaughter does that, her gd changes the bed etc etc etc but today I will be changing the bed! So that gives me something to do, theres only so many times you can wash the kitchen work surfaces.
I do feel things are going a little better but in no way want to think its all ok now since I never know her mood. Will see how it goes for the rest of the week.
Can anyone think of more jobs to do please? Im struggling! lol. I even cleaned the fridge lol.

MrsE_2

honeyD wrote: »

Im still finding it difficult to find other jobs to do. Ive asked to sweep the floor but she says her granddaughter does that, her gd changes the bed etc etc etc but today I will be changing the bed! So that gives me something to do, theres only so many times you can wash the kitchen work surfaces. .

Actually you can wash the kitchen surfaces down everyday.
Do you really need to ask her can you sweep the floor? Can you not just say to her "right I'll give the kitchen a wipe & brush over unless there is something else to do"?
You really need to be a bit proactive here, do you really need instruction for every little task?