care work - difficult people

seven-day-weekend

However (and I have no experience whatsoever either as a carer or a 'service user), several things spring to mind.

1. If I was paying for half an hour I would want the carer to work for half an hour. I would not count watching the TV with me as working. I also appreciate however, that the carer cannot do what is not on the care plan, so maybe the care plan should be taken down to twenty minutes? (and the 'service user' pay for twenty minutes?).

2. I certainly would not want to 'butter my own toast' if the career was supposed to be making my breakfast, especially if it meant there would be even more wasted time at the end of the session!

3. Whatever the situation, it is never necessary to speak to the carer in that way.

My sister pays a young friend of hers to do her housework and help her with the shower. Much better than being a 'service user'.

Just my two pennorth.

MrsE_2

Charlie1986 wrote: »

I don't like it either but apparently its the correct term to use these days (so my manager tells me) .

I use clients or children, or (if I'm trying to speed something up vulnerable child or client.

stripedwellies

MrsE wrote: »

I use clients or children, or (if I'm trying to speed something up vulnerable child or client.

Yes I prefer 'client' if 'carer' is no longer politically correct.

'Service user' is so impersonal for something that is far from it.

stripedwellies

I've copied all your latest posts:

honeyD wrote: »

Hi all, just wanted to update this a little.
Having had a few weeks I thought I was getting somewhere with the woman, she hasnt been well and seemed to be nicer to me and letting me help etc.
Well its all gone right back again and I can just do no right.
Well I just cant do it anymore so Ive asked not to have to go there and I will be taken off in a few weeks. She has just really been affecting my mood and I dont think it is fair to everyone else for me to go in feeling low because of someone else. Ive tried my best and failed, so I give up on it. Not going to try anymore, sick of having it all thrown back at me every day again. Its not a nice way to feel all the time so Ive had enough.
She doesnt like me leaving early, but she doesnt like me sitting and doing nothing (when there is nothing to do)
And can you blame her?.
Everything has to be her way which is the longest/most awkward way to do things
Remember, she's the paying client
- like taking the rubbish out to the bin, Even though she was at the front door already I had to walk back through the house to the back and around the side to get to the front and put it in the bin! Everything is just made to be more awkward and annoying! That is just a little example but there has been a lot more and worse.
The company have also changed policy so however long you are there is how long you get paid for but I think she may still pay for the lot anyway, I dont know its just a guess.

I think she will be paying for the whole lot.
I could be wrong but get the impression she has most if not all her marbles and is in need of physical assisitance.

I have been doing that since I started! I have TRIED and TRIED! I let everything go but when I am getting upset because of it even when not at work then its not right surely? I dont think it makes me not cut out for the work when I have people requesting to personally have me do their calls? I must be doing something right... just this isnt working.
She's also not alone, she has family visit so I dont think she is lonely,
I'd put money on the fact that she is. Probably mentally alert but body letting her down
if she is then she has a funny way of making me stay.
I go in and if I do everything and there is nothing left, I sit and chat and watch tv with her since its on and it gives something to talk about. She now doesnt like me watching the tv and asks me if I go there to waste time.. yet if I leave when everything is done she complains about that too! I just cannot win!
(Awaiting post to say I shouldnt be watching tv... sigh)

I'm afraid that wasn't one of your better ideas. You knew already that this woman is after value for money. What kind of reaction were you expecting for goodness sake?

The reason I watch tv is because she complained about me leaving before the 30 minutes was up. I thought if I stay for the 30 minutes then that should end that complaint. This womans house is clean, its tidy and there is not a lot to do which makes me wonder why she has us for 30 minutes. The jobs I have to do tend to be making the bed, taking out the trash, washing up if there is any, helping her to shower/dry herself and dress, help her make breakfast and drinks. When I go in I make the bed, I fold the clothes, I bring dirty laundry downstairs. I take out the trash etc, I make a cup of tea if she wants one. She has been making her own breakfast but I will take the fruit skins out to throw for the birds so she doesnt have to go outside. I'll wash dishes if there are any there, I'll clean the benches
I bet that's not on the care plan etc.
A problem with her is she doesnt want her call early so I have to go later and by time I get there she has already showered, dried and got dressed so I cannot help with that if she doesnt want me there earlier. Of all the jobs I have to do it takes tops 10-15 minutes. The rest I TRY to chat to her but she is not the easiest person to hold a conversation with. To be perfectly honest I dont even enjoy what she watches on tv as its about animal cruelty and that kind of thing which upsets me so I dont tend to watch it anywhere else. Yet I watch it as it is a discussion point. Please tell me what I must do, if I do not watch tv as I do not feel I can sit for 15 minutes looking at the floor or out of the window when there is nothing else to do
change the bed linen occasionally??????
and she doesnt want me to leave! Its ridiculous. Unless you are there you dont know the full story to it, you can only judge and say Im bad at my job because of what I write but Im not very good at explaining things. Im not the only carer in the company to watch tv, another does crosswords even! Oh it must be ok then!
Also the trash bag wasnt even halfway full but she still wanted it emptying and there was nothing leaking in it so wouldnt go on the floor so I didnt see a problem taking it out the front when the door is just off the kitchen.

I have asked many times if there is more I can do for her, she says theres nothing more to do and she doesnt know why she gets us.
The most important point in all of your posts
Ive told her I can do her laundry for her if she would like that, she just said "oh can you" and that is all. I dont know who changes the bed to be honest but its not me or any of the other carers who go.
Well it can't be her can it in view of the tasks you are supposed to do. So use your initiative and change them for her!
She also sometimes says I can wash the floor, but Im not allowed to do that and I said that to her
yet you can wash a bench?
and she said I know I was pulling your leg kinda thing.
So she's trying to engage with you. Can't you see that?
So I dont know, if I ask and she doesnt tell me what she wants then how can I do something? See what I mean? Its a ridiculous situation.

Did you not read all of the thread? I havent been leaving before my 30 minutes are up which seemed to help a little. Posting on here made me realise that it is unfair to do that but that is what the company told me to do. Ive stopped. Anyway now we only get paid for how long we are there so if I leave at 20 mins thats all I get paid for.
You dont understand what its like, you arent there to see her behaviour or mine. I am nothing but polite and want to help and do things rather than sit but her house IS perfect, there is absolutely nothing to do that I can find. I would hoover or mop but that is against the rules for insurance reasons. Lets not forget Im there for personal care and not a domestic call.
So why do you wash her bench then? Double standards.
If she is up and ready because she doesnt want the early call, theres not a lot of "personal care" I can do!
To go in and try to help, being polite and a placid person and to be insulted like I was today.. no thankyou, not what I go to work for.
To label me immature is unfair,
you may not like it but clearly that's how you come across to several people myself included.
so I dont know why you are saying that. I have had difficult times and suffered from depression and anxiety before I took this job
so perhaps not the best job for you then.
I sorted myself out but this makes me feel like Im taking a step back. I will not be spoken to like a piece of poop on her shoe. I have tried and tried.
To stand and let people insult you and say untrue things while you have to stand there smiling sweetly, its not so easy!

Yes there is a care plan. I do everything on it. There are some things Ive been told I cannot do, like hoovering. The personal care call is mainly to help shower, dress, help with food but she is ready when I get there most days because of wanting to change the call time. I will try my best next week but Ive already requested not to have her after that as today was really terrible but Im not going to go into it so others can say I was in the wrong when there was nothing I could do about the situation.

She might well be a difficult woman but I don't think you have done yourself any favours. You said she didn't know why you were there. There you go, loud and clear: new problem and a missed opportunity of a talking point.

Ask her about the history of having cares coming in.Talk through the care plan with her and explain the problems that coming later is giving the pair of you. If she doesn't realise why you are there, maybe she will be prepared to wait until you arrive.If not then you will have to insist that you resume the old time.Otherwise there is not much point of the call.

You seem to be clinging on to the fact that some people request you. You are taking the easy route. "I must be fab because people want me" rather than "what can I do better when the going gets tough?" ( and remember it was never going to be easy with this woman because you were having to mend already broken bridges). I'm afraid my perception is that you are not a very good communicator, lack common sense, a bit emotionally young and easily offended (by posters' comments).

Charlie1986

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

2. I certainly would not want to 'butter my own toast' if the career was supposed to be making my breakfast, especially if it meant there would be even more wasted time at the end of the session!

My comment about asking the lady to help was because in my line of care work we are more reablement and if the person can do something themselves they are encouraged to do so and so they keep there independence. I do realise though that not everyone wants this and they do see a carer as someone who goes in and does everything for them for the time that they are there.

doodlesmum

I think she sounds lonely to be honest i pick up on you saying she does not want you leave she with and i would say flustrated that carers are having to do things for her that she may no longer be able to do herself the thing you need to do and i dont mean this in a patronizing way is try to imagine yourself in her shoes needing help and how difficult it can be to adjust to this.
I know it is difficult and it can be tough when you are a new carer you need to try find a way to break the ice.

You say the bed is not changed i would suggest to her would you like me change the bed for you today.You say she likes animal programmes have you tried asking her if she has had pets in the past a bit of common ground that you could get a conversation started to break the ice a little finding out someones interests can be a good way to break the ice

The problem with the call as strippedwellies said it would be good idea to say to her i cant get here till x time if you can just hold on for me i will be able to help you explaining the agency give you the time if she is unhappy with this you need to go to the agency and say look this lady is unhappy and this needs to be looked at regarding time.

It is tough when you start out my first day as a community care worker i was 21 had worked in a nursing home but never peoples homes my first lady was horrid and i mean horrid to me and i nearly quit on the same day but eventually i got there and now at 39:o i am still doing the job and i love it

Doodlesmum.

angel223_2

Been there done it and got smacked with a walking stick (a few times in fact all by the same lady) for my troubles but you stick with it because they need help weither they want it or not. You need a seriously thick skin to do this kind of work as alot of people really resent needing help (esp those who's minds are still good but the body is failing). If your lady P is paying for 30 mins they you must do 30mins of work! I understand that its difficult due to your lady p getting herself dressed and showered and this needs to be addressed with the agency to maybe look at the care plan and ajust it as needed to ensure she is getting all the help that she needs.
I will admit I was lucky and recieved fab advice from my mum who had been doing care / nursing work for over 30 years and I will say this..... I would stick a months wages on the fact that your lady is finding it very hard to accept help and feels very lonely (maybe she thinks her family should do it as was the case when she was younger instead of paying a stranger and resents that) just because she has family it doesnt mean they visit / phone regularly often that can be worse than having no-one left iyswim as they feel forgotten and unloved / not important.
sometimes you do have to be a bit firm with someone you help but this can be done in a respectful way. your lady does seem open to some bonding but also seems to go through some days where she feels down and resentful, this is very common so you need to learn to deal with it.
The most valuable lessons my mum taught me with caring are to treat others as you would want to be treated, knowing that you cannot possibly understand how scary it is to grow old with your body giving out before your very eyes and face your own mortality (often facing it alone) and to never forget it for a single moment.

honeyD

Sorry not ignoring the posts, just busy. Will reply tonight but today was a lot better and she apologised for her behaviour last week.
Sorry If Im coming across badly, I feel I have to fight my corner but I could probably do with some guidance on other jobs to do but will come back later when I have time to reply properly.
Thanks all.

angel223_2

honeyD wrote: »

Sorry not ignoring the posts, just busy. Will reply tonight but today was a lot better and she apologised for her behaviour last week.
Sorry If Im coming across badly, I feel I have to fight my corner but I could probably do with some guidance on other jobs to do but will come back later when I have time to reply properly.
Thanks all.

Im glad to hear she appologised to you it must have been hard for her (none of us like to admit our mistakes / bad behaviour). It is a difficult learning curve and we have all made mistakes while learing the ropes as long as we learn from them and no-one is seriously hurt then to quote my DD its all gravy baby

meg72

stripedwellies wrote: »

Am I the only person who dislikes the term 'service user'?

No, I more than dislike it ,I hate it, my mentally ill Son was frequently addressed this way, strange, I thought he was supposed to be a patient. I regard myself as a service user when I get on a bus.