Home Alone???

patchwork_cat

HI
COuld you get each grandparent to pop in! at stages and you go home at lunch time, so that they were never on their own for more than a couple of hours.

It is very hard and you are fortunate in having parents, inlaws close.

When I return to work it will be a case of they have to stay on their own as my parents are dead and my inlaws live 80 miles away.

There is no provision for children at secondary school to have any sort of outside care. They wouldn't go to a childminder, nursery or out of school club.

The childcare in this country is appalling.(sp) and when my kids are 18 the governement will suddenly wake up and change it as they have done with paternity leave, baby bonds etc. My kids always being just too old ( no I'm not bitter!!)

pegs

hi kaznelson

i'm with you on this one. and i would feel about the same way as you do now.

i have one son, who is now 13, but i have elft him home alone for the last couple of years, only for short times to begin with, then gradually longer. last year when he was 12 and a half, he had a mate with him, and they are both mature for their age, and the other parents knew that they would be home alone. i think its down to the parents to know when it feels right. if you are in doubt, maybe leave them alone for a shorter time first, and gradually increase the time. but, always lay ground rules down. my ground rules used to be, for example, no tree climbing (we have wonderful trees for climbing in our back garden) no using the paddling pool (its 3' deep, and they love to run and leap in!) and various other things i cant think of right now.

if you dont give them some scope now, what are you going to do later, just show them the front door and say theres the world, get on with it? you cant wrap them in cotton wool for ever, no matter how much we might like to.

hth

janb5

Although your daughter is nearly 14 and mature, I think the law states she is not allowed to look after anyone younger. The law is very misleading and basically the problems occur if anything happens. She may be very mature but would she know what to do ifanything went wrong? You could always check with Social Services or the police for up to date info.

alwaysskint96

Would feel happy leaving my 15 year old for the day- but wouldnt leave her with my 11 year old as they would fight and wreck the house.

Kimberley

During the War times years ago, children had to go out to work because their fathers were in the War etc, they had no choice to work or even look after siblings.

Some kids even now in third world countries have to work and look after their siblings.

You trust your girl, you say she is mature enough to look after her brother, thats all you need to know. As long as she knows not to answer the door to anyone but grandparents and knows what to do in emergencies, then do what is best for you. You need to earn money, it's hard enough to work when you have kids, but life is life and we have to make sacrifices. Your not leaving infants, your leaving a mature girl with her brother.

We all feel guilty at times, but only you know if your kids will be ok.

bella4uk

I feel that 9 till 3 is a little too long especially as you say no friends in or no going out....is that fair.
A suggestion is to offer to look after one of their friends for a day in return for their carer to mind yours.
I think a child has to be 14 to care for another but before you can go any further you must find this out....maybe ring your local police station.

Penny-Pincher!!

What about a compromise? Leaving them in the morning till lunch time, then them going to relatives in the afternoon That way it will give the kids some independance and the relatives a break daily too. Kids will only have to do their cereal and maybe have something cooked at your relatives-saving possible fires etc.

My DD is 11 and going to secondary in September, I have never left her, although she wants us too. I dont feel comfortable doing this yet. She is partially sighted and can not judge distances etc and I would never forgive myself if something went wrong.

You have to go with your gut instict, but personally I couldnt do it as I remember being that age and sis and I werent very nice to each other.

Good luck in making your decision.

PP
xx

Lillibet_2

I don't think the question lies with your daughter, who sounds quite capable, but with your son. Is he mature for his age, does he get on with his sister & is he likely to listen to her when she says yes or no? Will he understand and accept that she is in charge (& I assume she would not abuse the privlige & have him waiting on her hand & foot?!). Are they the type of kids who are happy to quietly play in their rooms/garden/watch TV without being entertained by others?

If all of the above is OK then personally I'd take a few further precautions. I don't wish to cast aspertions but no child, especially a teenager, will be an angel all their lives, so I'd remove temptation from their paths : lock up alochol, lock the medicine cupboard & leave out only a basic first aid kit of plasters, savlon etc, leave lunch prepared so that you know what they are eating, put parental controls on the internet & any adult entertainment channels on the tv & arrange for grandparents to randomly pop in & do the same youself on your lunch break.

Make it clear that if something, anything, goes wrong you won't blame them as long as they are acting fairly responsibly. Even if it's something in their line of control then accidents happen to the best of us and sometimes we all forget basic precautions like locking the back door when we go out or whatever. (At 29 years old I managed to accidently throw a rock through my kitchen window....don't ask, but it proves it can happen to any of us).

HTH & Good luck;)

dora37

Kimberley wrote:

During the War times years ago, children had to go out to work because their fathers were in the War etc, they had no choice to work or even look after siblings.

Some kids even now in third world countries have to work and look after their siblings.

Not really an exact comparison as their way of life was/is different to our children who live a relatively luxurious, free life who would never have to make some of the decisions or do some of the things that the children in your example would have to. (Thank goodness!!)

It isn't about not trusting a child and thinking the minute your back is turned they are going to drink all the alcohol in the house and go on unsuitable websites.

It isn't about wrapping a child in cotton wool.

It is about not putting the responsibility of the younger child onto the older one when she is only 13.

My children are always encouraged to embrace new opportunties in both their school and social life.....their safety is a basic need though.

I am obviously in the minority here....but who cares....that's what makes this site interesting!

bulchy

Hi, my kids love to be left 'home alone' and dd (15) has volunteered to babysit ds (12) if I want to get a part time job. We do leave them occaisonally, if we want to go shopping etc. and dd says they get on better when we arent around, never fight, can always agree who gets control of tv etc and sometimes she will allow him to have a friend in, if he promises to be sensible. Also dd is a very tough, headstrong girl, ds and his mates wouldnt dare cross her:rotfl: I suppose this is good training for them when they get married, dont mess with us women :rotfl:
Seriously though, I did help out a friend 2 years ago in the summer holidays and left them home for a few hours a few days a week, dd was promised spending money (on top of extra pocket money) for her school trip to London in the October if all went well, ds was given extra pocket money if he behaved, and it was well earned. ds wasnt allowed to play out while I was gone, but he was allowed to play in the garden, which he was fine with.
At the end of the day, you know your kids better than us, and you do have grandparents that can drop in any time to check that your kids are fine, make the most of them, I'm sure they will be more than happy to help you. Good luck
Sue