MSE Parents Club Part 11

hammyhunter

yes Elle, though it keeps David awake rather than make him sleep :rotfl:

Congrats MrMM

Welcome Natalie

Can't remember anything else.

Sami_Bee

weezl74 wrote: »

Hello everyone

Not a chance of catching up, but a little hello from a happy weezl

My family are being very supportive and Fergie is not seeming at all put out by the changes to his normal world, he really likes all the visitors, who we pretend are just for him and then sneek them off after a bit to peek at Kezzie and stroke his little velvety cheeks.

We went to the hospital today for K's new baby check and it went pretty well, just one query as she couldn't get a feel on either testes having come down, so we might need to pop to the main teaching hospital.

Tomorrow is my midwife debrief and more visitors.

Kester is nice, with lots of dark dark hair and very long expressive piano players fingers. I am really glad he's here and feel much more ok again after recovering from the quickness.

DH and I are doing all his feeds and allowing ourselves to be much more atttachmenty than we did with fergus. Visitors are chopping veg and making tea and we are cuddling kester, just as it should have been with fergie.

I am wearing my shields still but I have nothing yet, tho I know that sunday will likely be niagara day, so I'm hopeful

I can't think of anything else to tell you!

Very very much love to everyone:A

Weezl x

much love to you too (I wish that 'smiley' was actually smiley)
everything sounds lovely for you, I'm so glad the feeding rule has been accepted and visitors are helping as they should
I wish I had velvety cheeks and super soft newborn hair to stroke right now, it would make being up at this time of morning acceptable!


I'm missing my hubby so very much right now:( there's nothing like a nightmare of crying children when ur alone to make you want a hug!

pinkpig08

Aww Sami - it seems so much harder when you're on your own (((hugs)))

I was awake in the early hours, then went back to sleep and had a horrible dream about C being poorly

Sounds like she's finally parted with what she couldn't get rid of yesterday - best go change her!

weezl74

redmel1621 wrote: »

but the worst thing is that weezl has passed on her pregnancy insomnia to me and around 3/4am EVERY morning I wake up and can't get back to sleep, so I am shattered all day! I also seem to be up for jiggy far more than usual but dh obviously finds me disgusting and barely wants to come near me, he just spends all his time on his PC locked away in the bedroom:(

Awww mel! So sorry to read that insomnia is horrible and makes coping in the days so much harder. And I only had fergie to look after in the day and you have 3. I think you're amazing. I'm so impressed with you, and also your capacity to know that even after this pregnancy you have the space in your heart to do it again as well.... WOW!

About the sex thing, I have worked a bit over the years in counselling some men who in the course of the time we've worked together have had partners who've been pregnant. and so I think there's some insights from that which might help, so I think I'll try to write it in case it helps you/others You probably know it anyway, but I think often I lose sight of things when pregnant so I thought I'd mention it if that helps.

Because male sexuality is sometimes such a powerful force, overwhelming physically and sometimes feeling very involuntary (think of poor embarrassed 13 yr old lads with erections on a school bus of a morning:o) and it starts when a lad is quite young, it can be tricky for them to learn good grown up strategies of dealing with it all that will last them a lifetime.

but they are building a set of coping strategies that will be used all their adult life unless something challenges that.

One quite easy way to keep a 'drive' under control is to be very black and white about it. Turning some things into OK or good and somethings into bad, and forbidding yourself to allow anything inbetween. My understanding is that this is the way that lots of boys try to cope with developing into a sexual person.

They decide that there are some categories of person that they mustn't find attractive ever. And they create a kind of hatred/revulsion/uncomfortable feeling to be associated with ever feeling attracted to those categories. They decide that it's bad to be gay, to be attracted to your mum or your sister, to be attracted to older women like your teacher, or younger children. Women who are already in relationships (and pregnant women around a young teenager fall into this category as well as older and possibly the category of mother) are similarly 'out of bounds'.

So then this works pretty well, until you are in a loving relationship with a woman who then breaks one of your categories. You've lived so long believing you can't find somethings attractive that it can be tough to unlearn those rules. Also that it's easier to blame your lack of attraction on something else (oh I just don't like big pregnant tummies!) rather than to do the hard work of working out what it's really about and changing it. (it used to be wrong for me to find that attractive, but now it is legitimate and allowed I find that I can feel free to enjoy a pregnant woman's body just as much as a woman's body when she's not).

It's also the reason why some men have affairs with much younger women in a mid life crisis. They can't challenge the idea that they must only find women pretty who are a certain age.

Anyhow, I just wondered if that might be a part of what's going on for DH. It may well not be at all, but I thought I'd share it anyway. I'd also like to say that I really hope no-one experiences what I've written there as being an unhelpful generalisation. I'm not saying all men do this at all. Just that it is pretty common, and I think very understandable. I think it is a coping strategy I'd have been likely to adopt myself as a confused 11 yr old boy!

Sami_Bee wrote: »

I'm missing my hubby so very much right now:( there's nothing like a nightmare of crying children when ur alone to make you want a hug!

Oh sami! Please have a hug from me.

It is very hard to be alone with crying children. You are really amazing to be so ok so much of the time with M's work patterns and the way it affects family life.

I know too that you have family support, so maybe people think you are immune from that feeling, but actually, the support from parents and in laws is much more based in the day times and that's often the much easier bit of parenting (from my limited experience so far!) than the lonely times in the night when it's dark.

*contented, happy, well little boy vibes to C and E for while daddy is away*

Can I just add a ps too about my happy post of yesterday.

The reason I wrote it was because I've been aware of feeling quite down these last few months, and taking a lot from you all, and feeling very supported and grateful.

I didn't spell it out very well, but my post was a way of saying 'Thanks for all you've done at a hard time for me' and to let you know it's been worth it.

I'm sorry if it more seemed like an egotistical: 'look at me having a lovely time' type post. I thought that after I wrote last night :)

Also: hurrah for Rhysy 's encouraging consultant letter

please can someone say more about how Poppie is now she's at home and also I would love an update on Kindof and Elliot.

Nice to see we have new members too welcome som, natalie, EA, kindof, gill.... and many more

And yay for JHA posting too, I'm very glad you're around

csh_2

weezl74 wrote: »

DH and I are doing all his feeds and allowing ourselves to be much more atttachmenty than we did with fergus. Visitors are chopping veg and making tea and we are cuddling kester, just as it should have been with fergie.
Weezl x

Very glad to read this!!!!!

weezl74 wrote: »

Can I just add a ps too about my happy post of yesterday.

The reason I wrote it was because I've been aware of feeling quite down these last few months, and taking a lot from you all, and feeling very supported and grateful.

I didn't spell it out very well, but my post was a way of saying 'Thanks for all you've done at a hard time for me' and to let you know it's been worth it.

I'm sorry if it more seemed like an egotistical: 'look at me having a lovely time' type post. I thought that after I wrote last night :)

You most certainly did not come across as anything other than a women who has had a physically and mentally challenging time as has come through the other end and somehow manages to be smiling!!

You have your lovely time, you have earned it! Enjoy those beautiful boys and I agree, we want more pictures!!!

aless02

jha wrote: »

Congratuations Weezle:j

Hello missy!! Where've you been? How's Orit-Rhian? We miss you!! :j

redmel1621

Weezl, Thank you for your lovely thoughtful post. I am not sure how much of it relates to dh and how much I am just making a mountain out of a molehill of the whole situation!! There probably isn't even a situation, it is all my over-active imagination. I hate being such an insecure person:( I am just having a pile of cheese on toast to make me feel better as I ended up sniping at dh when I got into bed and then spent all night sleeping with my back to him as close to the edge of the bed as possible....have also woken up not feeling too well today:(

I was so pleased to read your upbeat post yesterday, it is amazing how different you can feel a day or so after the birth. I am also pleased that you are getting to spend lots of time and cuddles with Kester and Fergie whilst others do the jobs:)

Mel x

Becles

Glamazon wrote: »

I have just bowed out of the Mystery Shopping thread what a horrible bunch (except Becles & Aless of course)

Don't let the idiots get you down. Rise above it and ignore them

Busy busy with uni, so not caught up again *hugs* to all.

Watched a film called Shutter Island last night. It was about a man investigating in a high security mental institution. I won't spoil it, but I sussed it out right from the beginning what was happening, and Craig didn't

aless02

Also, weezl don't apologise for posting a glowing, happy post. You definitely were not being egotistical - in fact if you HADN'T posted that, you know we would've been screaming for updates demanding to know how it was all going with you guys!

So pleased that you're getting to spend more time with Kester as you wish you had with Fergie. It's important the 4 of you get proper family time and it sounds like that's going really well for you. Now we have to treat you like a newbie and ask how the feeding's going and how his poops are!

Also, I join the demand for an adorable Fergie/Kester piccie

Glam, I was reading on it last night. I only post when I have a question so don't really care much!

SusanC_2

weezl74 wrote: »

DH and I are doing all his feeds and allowing ourselves to be much more atttachmenty than we did with fergus. Visitors are chopping veg and making tea and we are cuddling kester, just as it should have been with fergie.

I am wearing my shields still but I have nothing yet, tho I know that sunday will likely be niagara day, so I'm hopeful

So glad to hear things are going well.

weezl74 wrote: »

Can I just add a ps too about my happy post of yesterday.

The reason I wrote it was because I've been aware of feeling quite down these last few months, and taking a lot from you all, and feeling very supported and grateful.

I didn't spell it out very well, but my post was a way of saying 'Thanks for all you've done at a hard time for me' and to let you know it's been worth it.

I'm sorry if it more seemed like an egotistical: 'look at me having a lovely time' type post. I thought that after I wrote last night :)

Your post did not seem egotistical to me and I was really glad to hear that visitors have been supporting you in a better way this time.