Etiquette of receiving Birthday Presents/Cards as an adult

Ex-Spendaholic

This is trivial but I just wondered how other people do things.

My parents in law live less than half a mile away. When it is either of their birthday's we always drop off their cards and gifts either the night before or first thing on the morning of their birthdays. To me this is what people do and is what we do for everyone we buy cards/gifts for.

However when it is one of our birthdays it is expected that we actually go round looking for our card/gift. :eek: Now before anyone says we are being ungrateful etc, we are lucky to receive cards and gifts etc that is not what this post is about.

Its my birthday today. MIL will phone DH later to ask why the card hasn't been collected. The simple reason is he is at work all day, I just happen to be off today and he did suggest I call with them. Whilst it is not out of my way to do so and I have time on my hands, I just feel I can do that. Incidentally the parents in law drive past our house at least twice daily doing school runs with their other grandchildren so it isn't like they are housebound.

Personally from my point of view I was brought up to believe it was rude to go calling on someone looking for a card/present so I simply will not go round there looking for one. I am an adult and don't need cards/gifts from anyone so it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if they didn't bother with cards etc but I ain't going looking for one.

What do other people do?

Dormouse

I'm totally with you, OP - it sounds quite weird and rude the way they do things. Especially if they actually drive past your house twice a day! :eek:

I guess it's just a case of different family traditions, so it's normal to them. I know my in-laws have some bizarre traditions (including forgetting our birthdays altogether - yes, even their own son's sometimes! :mad:)

SkintGypsy

Well hello birthday twin! It is my birthday today also, and I would not go looking for pressies either. I actually feel quite embarrassed to get them at all from people who are not my own relations, so I can see what you mean. I do make sure I call and thank people for their presents, but again it's weird to call my inlaws, especially if they sent money and not a gift as such. No advice really, but I wouldn't go if you wouldn't ordinarily call in anyway.

God, some people are so controlling. You WILL call on me, because I am holding your gift to ransom and you will not get it until you come and beg for it! Weird.

jackieb

My birthday was last Thursday. I visited my in-laws yesterday and got my card and present then.

We live about 15 miles away, yet they can come into town and not visit us. When I go to their town I always pop in. I try to go at least once a week. Their other son moved house 6 months ago and they haven't even seen it yet. His Christmas present is still at their house.

Nowt as queer as in-laws.

*Louise*

If they pass by twice a day, I would think it's quite rude not to just drop it off, it wouldn't take much effort.

I wouldn't like to visit 'just' to pick up my card either....they could have posted it at the very least.


Families are weird though - we used to visit our nieces/nephew every birthday but their parents would just send our kids' gifts over with their grandparents. After 10 yars of no visits I now just post a card with a cheque.

Apricot

Im with you on this one. I wouldn't like it to be thought that I was only visiting someone to receive my birthday card/present from them. If they are passing your house they could even just post it through the letterbox if they didn't want to stop but I think it's quite selfish of them to expect you to collect it.

My dad doesn't drive and lives about 30 miles away from me. I usually go up there a day or two before my birthday and we go out for a birthday meal which is when they give me my cards & pressies, but I am always invited to come up for a birthday meal so I think that this is slightly different.

Gemsgalore

I would feel very uncomfortable having to go round on my birthday and then standing there like an idiot waiting for my card and/or gift.......you just don't do that do you!! We are brought up not to ask for gifts etc and this goes against the manners you are taught as a child.

What if they had forgotten and didn't have anything...... I would then feel even more embarrassed and awkward

Sorry, I know families are strange but if they are well and have a car to get out and about etc then this is just plain rude or lazy or both!

daska

How bizarre, they drive past with your nieces and nephews and they still don't pop in to wish Aunty 'E' Happy Birthday. Have you got a spare cake? How about a quick phonecall to invite them to you?

Any

Completely with you on that one! Very weird!!

Fortunatelly my MIL always either comes on the day of my B-day or takes me out for dinner or makes one for us (then we come to her house). Even asks me if I want my present before or after my holidays if I am away on the actual day (last year I went away).

Sometimes reading some of these threads it just reminds me how lucky I am!!

red_devil

we send cards in the post we dont live near enough to pop around!

red_devil

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

This is trivial but I just wondered how other people do things.

My parents in law live less than half a mile away. When it is either of their birthday's we always drop off their cards and gifts either the night before or first thing on the morning of their birthdays. To me this is what people do and is what we do for everyone we buy cards/gifts for.

However when it is one of our birthdays it is expected that we actually go round looking for our card/gift. :eek: Now before anyone says we are being ungrateful etc, we are lucky to receive cards and gifts etc that is not what this post is about.

Its my birthday today. MIL will phone DH later to ask why the card hasn't been collected. The simple reason is he is at work all day, I just happen to be off today and he did suggest I call with them. Whilst it is not out of my way to do so and I have time on my hands, I just feel I can do that. Incidentally the parents in law drive past our house at least twice daily doing school runs with their other grandchildren so it isn't like they are housebound.

Personally from my point of view I was brought up to believe it was rude to go calling on someone looking for a card/present so I simply will not go round there looking for one. I am an adult and don't need cards/gifts from anyone so it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if they didn't bother with cards etc but I ain't going looking for one.

What do other people do?

i do understand how you can have the arrangement anyway like that?

How would you know they were going to be in? Why dont they just give it to you the time before the birthday that they see you. Why wait till the day.