The Bank of Mum and Dad

HAMISH_MCTAVISH

jetta_wales wrote: »

But wat about those less fortunate than us? they seem kinda screwed today particularly in the housing market.

PPPPPPP

(otherwise known as social evolution.....)

DaddyBear

Youngsters today can't buy a house without significant help from parents. Hardly a sign of a healthy Market.

perplexed.com

Both me and OH have parents who did not own houses, cars or anything much. In fact we have helped them out on occasion. We were part of the lucky generation who were able to use a window of opportunity when it was possible to get into higher education without a middle class background. We have 2 degrees, 2 Masters and a PHD between us but work in public sector so not exactly rolling in it! The majority of our peers have at least had some help from families even if only the sad one of inheriting when their parents died. It's going to take a long time to counteract the effects of our disadvantage as we are now the sole supporters of our own children with no help from grandparents etc for them. Lots of their friends get money for things from this source, whereas we pay for everything. We don't have enough savings to pass on to them as all our money is tied up in our house. They will benefit from that, eventually, but we could never afford to give them deposits for houses etc and I am quite envious of those who can support their children in this way.

seven-day-weekend

We ARE the bank of Mum and Dad.

We have lent (given) our son small sums and paid for flights for him to visit us in Spain.

I would not re-mortgage nor take out a loan to help him though, although I would help in other ways if necessary.

baileysbattlebus

perplexed.com wrote: »

Both me and OH have parents who did not own houses, cars or anything much. In fact we have helped them out on occasion. We were part of the lucky generation who were able to use a window of opportunity when it was possible to get into higher education without a middle class background. We have 2 degrees, 2 Masters and a PHD between us but work in public sector so not exactly rolling in it! The majority of our peers have at least had some help from families even if only the sad one of inheriting when their parents died. It's going to take a long time to counteract the effects of our disadvantage as we are now the sole supporters of our own children with no help from grandparents etc for them. Lots of their friends get money for things from this source, whereas we pay for everything. We don't have enough savings to pass on to them as all our money is tied up in our house. They will benefit from that, eventually, but we could never afford to give them deposits for houses etc and I am quite envious of those who can support their children in this way.

We were in exactly the same position as you are - there was no famiily help for anything. Once we were adults the help went the other way, to our parents - even to paying part of care home fees for OH's mother for 10 years.

We also lived at the other end of the country to family so there wasn't even babysitting/childcare help. This type of help is invaluable too - there is more to help than money.

I don't know how old your children are, but as ours left education and actually started to earn enough money to support themselves things became easier and instead of it taking all our time to feed and clothe them and pay the mortgage and bills - we had a bit of spare every month - which over the years became quite a lot of spare.

In my earlier post I mentioned my sister who gave her daughter £40k as a deposit and has set aside a similar amount for her son - her husband was a fireman and she worked part time as a shelf stacker, then a hotel cleaner and then a healthcare assistant - jobs I wouldn't class as particularly well paid - quite the opposite. She was able to stop working at 46 despite having no pension, for years they had saved her wages and only dipped in to pay for their one vice - holidays in Florida. No mean feat. They chose to live their lives quite frugally for a lot of years - we didn't - that was our choice.

Don't be envious of friends who have had financial help from family just be thankful for what you do have.

misskool

Can I just point out that not every youngster is a wastrel as implied. Some people actually work hard and save their own money to put for their house deposit without resorting to bank of mum and dad.

Everyone's situation is different to them.

[Deleted User]

In times when there's been plenty of houses to go around (or at least, more houses that people want to live in to go around) then I think many parents wouldn't help their kids as they wanted them to learn to stand on their own two feet.

But in areas where shortages are so great that many are priced out of the market I think it's reasonable for parents to help if they can. In this case you're not handing things to your kids on a plate, but giving them the opportunity to work for something that otherwise they couldn't have.

As the benefits of getting onto the property ladder as early as possible are so great a tiny bit of help from mum and dad now could be worth a small fortune over a lifetime. It makes good sense.

lemonjelly

I believe my parents have taught me the value of money, & through this the importance of saving, and also working hard.
They encouraged me to seek out my own income - they're working class, & were always honest enough to say they weren't going to throw money at me or sibling.

However, I never ever went without. I played all sorts of sports, was members of clubs, teams etc. They'd take me, pick me up, pay my subs, buy equipment etc.

They rarely gave me actual money. Moreso they facilitated me having a life.

As soon as I was old enough, I had a paper round.

They halped me set up a TESSA when they were introduced, & between them & grandparents, ensured it was full :cool:.

They supported me when I got older to help me get part time work, especially whilst studying. & of course some of that was in reducing board money paid in hard times. That said, they also taught me lessons. When I lost a job & signed on, I got £20.40 per week. They took £20 per week off me for board. Boy, was that a motivation to get another job!

At one point, my brother I were sharing a real knacker of a car! Every week was a different repair. We agreed to sell it & get a car each. My folks convinced a dealer to part ex the car for £1k against a car for me, then sell it back to us for 1p, then part ex it again against another new car so we'd both have a new car! It worked!

They then told us dad had bought the cars on credit, & my brother & I had to pay him back monthly - again learning good budgeting skills at an early age. To my shame, I actually paid for an extra year - I'd got so into the habit! They knew but didn't say anything - they put it in a savings account. I clearly could manage without the cash at the time. It was only as I paid the 10th month that I asked when I'd be clear, & they told me almost a year ago! I paid the last 2 instalments & got a years repayments back which went straight into the following years ISA!

SingleSue

I have used the bank of mum and dad...not for large purchases though like a house.

House buying was down to us, just like it was down to our parents but they are willing to give a helping hand in other areas if we need it. They were the ones who loaned me the money to buy my current car (and it was a loan), who help me when the car needs work after an MOT etc and will help out on short weeks but it is always paid back on a weekly basis (just this week finished paying for the last MOT).

With the car, they know if makes more financial sense to lend the money due to the type of journeys I make...I would either borrow their car or have to get taxis (buses are very hit and miss here and not at all reliable), taxis are expensive, public transport for the journeys I make even more so and they rather like having the use of their car.

They also help in other ways, the odd meal, the odd treat for the boys and of course, an ear to bend if I need it.

For my brother and sister, they paid for all their driving lessons (I paid for all mine), helped them set up in their first rented places. My sister had her TV licence, a TV, electricals and furnishings provided by my parents, my brother received the same.

My sister is now married and doing well with her husband so no longer receives as much financial help (like me and hubby when we were together and doing well) but they are supporting my brother by providing meals every day, sometimes also for his children. They are also now considering doing the same for him as they did for me and finding a little run around car as his failed the MOT rather spectacularly yesterday but at the moment, he is determined to get by without a car although it isn't really practical and could have a knock on effect on his earning power.

That said, I am the only one of the children who pays back every single penny that is lent...my brother and sister always saw it as a gift, plus my parents are a bit soft when it comes to them (I'm the sensible one who can cope, they are the vulnerable ones according to mum), I don't mind though, gives me a sense of pride.

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

We've been the bank of mum and dad constantly for our eldest and once or twice for our youngest but never the middle one who has realy good money sense.
We don't mind since your'e parents for life and we are a family afterall,however my kids know that we intend to spend, spend, spend once my OH retires in a couple of years (may as well enjoy ourselves when we have the extra time and before the senility sets in:rotfl:) so whatever is left when we go won't be as big as they were perhaps hoping it would be.