Feeling the Vilain. Re: Relationship.

tandraig

scuse me - but it sounds to me as if 'dad' is living in HIS house! his own i mean and stephs fiance is living in his dads house! especially, if future sis in law pops in at will.
are you SURE steph that the house actually belongs to your fiance?

Stephb1986_2

tandraig wrote: »

scuse me - but it sounds to me as if 'dad' is living in HIS house! his own i mean and stephs fiance is living in his dads house! especially, if future sis in law pops in at will.
are you SURE steph that the house actually belongs to your fiance?

Yeah he pays the mortgage and his dad lives there rent free. I don't think his dad has got to the stage of where he knows that it isn't HIS house anymore I know I'm going to have to tackle this subject over the weekend I'm not looking forward to it

Steph xx

Angelic

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Yeah he pays the mortgage and his dad lives there rent free. I don't think his dad has got to the stage of where he knows that it isn't HIS house anymore I know I'm going to have to tackle this subject over the weekend I'm not looking forward to it

Steph xx

I think you need to start a thread for yourself as it sounds like you need a lot of advice. He pays the mortgages but is his name on the deeds? If the house is still in his dad's name then there could be trouble ahead.
You say his father isn't your concern but your spouse's family are already impacting on your life so i'd find out as much as possible as you might be expected to be his nurse one day. It looks like you are making all of the sacrifices so far:(

Living with inlaws can be very stressful so I think you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel.

tandraig

I would think long and hard here steph. the fact your fiance seems to take it for granted you will move in even though you have your own place and place of business. Does he actually see you as an independent woman with a home and a business - or are you just his future wife and dad carer?
It seems a bit strange to me steph, and sorry to harp on about it, but if it was OHs and his siblings childhood home - why is your OH paying the mortgage? shouldnt the house be paid for by now? or is it a former council house which your OH is paying for but on the understanding its left to him? something is off here - and you need to find out hun, so ask! as future wife you DO have a right to know.

Wol2

Hi alipops

When me and my fiancee planned to get married oh so very many years ago....my mum went completely gaga and tried to take control of the whole wedding ...even down to choosing the hymns. When things didnt go her way she marshalled the whole extended family to "persuade" me to do what she wanted. History repeats itself. It was because her mother (my gran) denied my mum the wedding she herself wanted.

Luckily my finacee called a halt to the whole thing and wrote my parents a letter expressing his displeasure at their treatment of their daughter and his concern for my wellbeing. We got married a year later, paid for it and arranged it ourselves...and it was the wedding me and my fiancee both wanted. (Didn;t stop my mum carping about the arrangements on the day though :rotfl:) .

Having said all that - we got divorced two years later :eek::rotfl::cool:

Domineering (controlling) parents are difficult to deal with. The fact you doubt your decision now suggests that this is a legacy they have brought you up with. Whatever anybody else says/thinks.......it doesn;t matter....Stay true to yourself and what feels right for you. Yes, it was good that fiancee wouldn;t compromise...but if he was the right guy, he would have found the "right" way to deal with the situation in order to protect you rather than put you in a postion where you had to choose. Sounds like his own "self" was more important than "the partnership" in the way he responded and handled the matter.

Poor you - sounds like you;ve had no support FOR YOU from any quarter throughout this situation..... :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I wish you a bright and happy future....there are some lovely men in this world...you clearly haven;t met Mr Right yet.

Hugs Hun
xxxx

Lotus-eater

Wol2 wrote: »

Yes, it was good that fiancee wouldn;t compromise...but if he was the right guy, he would have found the "right" way to deal with the situation in order to protect you rather than put you in a postion where you had to choose. Sounds like his own "self" was more important than "the partnership" in the way he responded and handled the matter.

I disagree, of course he was thinking of himself, he's getting into a relationship that is supposed to last the rest of his life.
I still think that he was wondering if the parents stuck their oars in this early and his bride to be didn't stand up to them, what would happen in the future? I didn't say so, but I've ended relationships for this reason before.

The present Mrs Eater also had a family who just thought they could get us to do whatever they wanted, to a certain extent that's fine, but if I want to say no, I will, well that caused problems for us, because the OH thought I was being difficult for no reason, I told her I wasn't going to be in a relationship where it was me against her and her parents, either we were a family unit to be, where our (then two person) family came first, or we weren't.
We now have two kids and that was years and years ago. All she had to do was stand up to her parents a little and they got the idea, we are now all good friends.

busiscoming2

OP you have to trust your instincts and I get the feeling they are proving you right. Maybe this just wasn't meant to be.

I know a married couple who when they announced their wedding plans - small etc, her parents wanted it to be a big lavish affair. So they couple booked a trip to Las Vegas took their outfits and got married! That was about 8 years ago and the parents still haven't really come round and they hardly have any contact with each other. It is very sad, but ultimately they did what THEY wanted.