bridesmaid paying for their own dresses?

kymbo82

first of all hi just found the wedding section of this wonderful forum. I am getting married aug 2011 and we are paying for it all ourselves (hence the Looonng planning)

My cheif bridesmaid was reading up on her 'duties' as bridesmaid,from I think an american website and it said bridesmaids pay for their own dresses..b & g pay for shoes accessories etc..so she offered to buy her dress, i said that we would..but she insisted.

We have 2 other bridesmaids..future sil and our daughter, do you think it'll be rude of us to ask sil if shes happy to pay for hers? she lives at home with the futre inlaws and has a job, so would be finacially able to, I just dont want my friend to feel like we are happy to fork out for everyone elses..and it would help us with the money massively.

I am happy for them to choose their own dresses as long as its within colour scheme, so budget would be whatever they want.

What do you think?

hunnycat

i am paying for my bridesmaids dresses. most people ask for them to pay for thier own shoes + hair and make up. I am paying for everything as the shoes we got free with the dresses and the hair/make up i am getting a good deal on!

I personally feel if you are asking someone to do something for you then you should be paying for it. But its totally up to you if you feel comfortable asking

superfran_uk

Personally I wouldn't ask the SIL. It could be very awkward and cause resentment - it's too late for her to say no but most people wouldn't expect you to pay and it's not very nice! Particulalry if you want to choose!

I would offer to pay for your friends shoes/jewellry instead? Or insist you pay her back for the dress?

Dizzie77

If your chief bridesmaid has offered, I would graciously accept....and then, next time you are at in laws to be, drop it into the conversation that "X has offered to pay for her own dress for the wedding, which will be a great help to the budget" and see if SIL offers to pay for her own???

I paid for mine and my nieces when we were bridesmaids for my sister - but I then sold both of them after the wedding at a profit, so it didn't matter!!

I think it depends on how much you are planning on spending on the dresses TBH - you will (presumably) be feeding your BM's through the day, and paying for other stuff - including (possibly) a gift for them, so I don't think it's necessary for you to pay for their dresses too..!

Dunners

I have paid for my sister's BM dress and my flowergirl dresses - agree with hunnycat, she's (my sister, not hunnycat lol!) doing us the honour of being BM so seems only fair to pay for dress!

kymbo82

superfran_uk wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't ask the SIL. It could be very awkward and cause resentment - it's too late for her to say no but most people wouldn't expect you to pay and it's not very nice! Particulalry if you want to choose!

I would offer to pay for your friends shoes/jewellry instead? Or insist you pay her back for the dress?

as I said I am quite happy for them to wear their own style dresses, just in the wedding colours..whether she pays or I do, I like the idea my bm's feel comfortable in what they are wearing.

I have said to CBM that I will pay for everything else,including her hair/make up as she is not taking no for an answer.. . Plus I am treating her to a pre hen spa just the 2 of us as she has been my rock for a long time.

I like your idea dizzie, I think I'll let sil know the score, and see what she says, I dont have a problem with buying sil's, I just thought as one was paying for it..

alenax

I'm asking my bridesmaids to pay for theirs, I did say they can all buy whatever style they want as long as they all get the same colour though! I think if things are a bit tight financially then they should understand, and if not then I'm not really sure they're close enough friends to be bridesmaids anyway!

Bo_Peep

I had this problem. I couldn't really afford to pay for my two bridesmaids' dresses but then I felt obliged to as I was picking out the style and colour (luckily they were happy with both!) and I had asked them to be a part of our big day.

I asked them nicely if they wouldn't mind paying for their shoes (I bought them their handbags) as I was happy for them to wear whatever style they preferred - flats or heels - as long as they were in a similar colour to each other.

They also paid for their own alterations as they were both planning to change their weight before the big day but then they got to keep the dresses afterwards and I made sure to choose something that they could wear again as evening dresses if they so wished.

I didn't pay for them to get their make-up done but they got their hair done at the same time as me which I was happy to pay for. I also got them a gift of a necklace each from Confetti to wear on the day as a 'thank you' for being part of the day, so I think they got a fair deal, lol. :-)

Sorry, just read this back and it probably doesn't help much with your dilemma but I just thought I'd add to what others have said they are doing. I think if you are close to your SIL you could try what Dizzie77 has said, but only you will know whether this will cause issues. BTW, I think your CBM sounds like a top gal! :-)

Bo.

Hermia

alenax wrote: »

I think if things are a bit tight financially then they should understand, and if not then I'm not really sure they're close enough friends to be bridesmaids anyway!

What if things are a bit tight for them though! I don't have much money and would never wear a bridesmaid-style dress anywhere else so dread being in this situation. If the bride wants the bridesmaids to pay she should also accept that their refusal to be a bridesmaid is not a slight on her or their friendship.

alenax

Hermia wrote: »

What if things are a bit tight for them though! I don't have much money and would never wear a bridesmaid-style dress anywhere else so dread being in this situation. If the bride wants the bridesmaids to pay she should also accept that their refusal to be a bridesmaid is not a slight on her or their friendship.

I totally understand, didn't mean for that to sound !!!!!y. With me, all of my bridesmaids are much better off than I am so they didn't take offence to being asked to buy their own dresses, but if both the bride and the bridesmaids are skint then they could maybe pay half and half, or like someone suggested buying the accessories if the bridesmaid buys the dress. I think most people know that weddings can be hideously expensive and wouldn't object too much to being asked, considering the bride and groom have to pay for everything else (venue, reception, flowers, cake etc).

superfran_uk

alenax wrote: »

I totally understand, didn't mean for that to sound !!!!!y. With me, all of my bridesmaids are much better off than I am so they didn't take offence to being asked to buy their own dresses, but if both the bride and the bridesmaids are skint then they could maybe pay half and half, or like someone suggested buying the accessories if the bridesmaid buys the dress. I think most people know that weddings can be hideously expensive and wouldn't object too much to being asked, considering the bride and groom have to pay for everything else (venue, reception, flowers, cake etc).

If the bride is that skint, maybe they should a) cut the number of BMs or b) save for a bit longer if they want the perfect wedding?
Not trying to be harsh, just realistic.

I don't want my wedding to bankrupt me so I'm just having two BMs and the dresses cost £45 each in the sale, which isn't a lot of money at all. Certainly I have been a BM and would never have expected to chip in for the dress, and I won't be asking it of my BMs either.