I'm going to do a diary too :)

CathT

Sorry to hear about your struggle in the snow and the exta time away from DD as you couldn't make it back on your split. At least when MF you can pick and choose a bit more.

I have an I-phone which I love but it is an expensive luxury! I try to convince myself that by using some of the apps I can save myself money!

cha97michelle

I have the cheapest most rubbish phone. DH bought it for me and it was £20 and came with £10 worth of credit. I use it so little though it would not be worth me replacing with a more glamourous one. I only have it for when i am out in the car or DS is at school.

I feel for you with the job hours. I felt like that when teaching, and i was resenting DH for working long hours and never being there to help, so was having to do it all at home and then work hours every night. I couldn't hack it.

Having a plan makes things more bearable, but only just. I don't blame you for taking Friday off. Sometimes too much is expected.

uzubairu

Your target is ambitious and I take my hat off to you for your commitment.

If it is making you feel this way and you realise that you are missing out on cherished moments and are too tired to enjoy your daughter development, you should definitely revise your targets.
What you have achieved so far is absolutely amazing, but if it also makes you sad, then you must do something about it before it gets worst.

Me and OH have jobs that can irritate us (and be stressful) at times, but we decided that we needed proper time to relax each year to get through it and work towards mortgage freedom.
We budget for 2 holidays a year, and dependinging on bargains/deals, it has ben stretched to 3 and last year 4.
Pay the mortgage off quicker and go mad or pay it off a bit slower and retain our sanity and happy memories. We chose the latter.

The holidays are something to look forward to and make having to work with few a***holes that bit more bearable.
Recently (August) my OH was facing redundancy at work, and although it was stressful (he is currently doing a temporary role and applying for a new permanent position in a different part of the same company), the knowledge that the mortgage was £65K and not the £100K it would have been without overpayments was a great relief.
This meant that the mortgage could be comfortably paid on just my income.
We still went on holiday to San Francisco last month and Portugal in September.

In the current econimic climate it may be harder to change jobs, but you do need to find a way to spend a bit more time with your daughter as you know that it would make you and her a lot happier.
I could be wrong, but the generousity of your parents (both financially and with the excellent free childcare) has possibily got in the way of you finding a balance to mortgage freedom.
If you can last out until 2012 when you have to look at other childcare arrangements, review the whole plan, prioritise your needs and see what changes you can live with.
It may be that you aren't mortgage free but have a low mortgage (serviceable on one income) and have more time with your family.

[Deleted User]

Hey jo
thought Id add my two penneth in on the job situation for what its worth!
I have been in a similar situation- not necessarily hours wise, but of being truly miserable with where I am and what Im doing. I hear you on being in a specific field and feeling like your only option is to stay in that- not knowing what it is I dont know how much leeway there is in transfering into something similar but different- I know for me when I was feeling so overwhelmed with work though I felt like it was either keep doing the exact same job or be unemployed for the rest of my life!- very black and white thinking I know but an indication of where I was at with it at the time!!

MF is an excellent goal , and Im all for working hard financially, being frugal and taking time to think "do I NEED this or do I just WANT it?" but I would also say that spending years in a job that is making you miserable and keeps you away from your daughter, isnt necessarily worth it . Im not saying quit your job , but I would encouarge maybe looking at the other options- one of which might be a further off MF date - if the reason you are striving so hard to become MF is so you can give up work , then thats great- but is there a middle ground of maybe having a further off MF date but a p/t or less stressful job in order to achieve it? I dont know ...I do get the dilema though, as I am in a fairly well paid job at the moment for what I do , and if I stayed with it full time for the next 5-6 years I could make some great inroads into my mortgage ....but after the stress its caused this year to both me and mrtyo I truly couldnt stick it if its 6 years of the same as this year! but if I find a job Im happy with and lower paid and I can continue to live frugally whilst doing it and OP then that might be a better option in the long run...

only you can decide, but it seems a lot of us on here have maybe had similar decisions about jobs/careers at one point and you only get one life and one you!

On other notes- re: the shopping I hear ya on that! I have bought lots of stuff that isnt really needed this month! including a cake tin (got 3 already but this one looked better for a certain kind of cake!) and some wine and chocolate for xmas (and for me!) so itll all be used but it is SO easy to spend way over budget just by going "Um I want that"...! Personally I think CDs are a great buy tho as they are my big motivation for many things including excercise (so much easier with music) cleaning the house (ditto) and driving and sitting in traffic on my way to work!

hope you have a relaxing weekend

vl2588

uzubairu wrote: »

It may be that you aren't mortgage free but have a low mortgage (serviceable on one income) and have more time with your family.

I wholeheartedly agree with this idea, and it wouldn't be a failure, merely a compromise. Long term happiness and short term happiness all in one!

Giving up ones entire education for a career change is very scary but there are people who have done it (e.g. re-trained in their 40s or even later) so I guess it must be possible however impossible it seems (to me as well!).

gerbiljo

Thank you for all your lovely messages!

We went out and spent loads, and it doesn't feel as good as it used to as I feel more guilty now, but it still feels good. We bought some christmas decorations including a penguin and snow man figure the snow mans nose was coming off so I asked for a discount and got a third off (when my nan used to do that when I was little I used to hide in embaressment!), some baubles and a star for the top of the tree. We spent (scared to say) £55 in elc on happyland tho my mum said she might take some of it for presents so we might be relieved of some of the cost. Also I bought the phone, it was £209 with £100 cashback. Obviously I have a monthly outgoing now £30 grrr, I am seriously thinking about cancelled our BT, its £22.50 a month and I hardly use it and were in debit grrrrr, I meant to look into sorting this before our contract came up and never did so my own silly fault. so there u go huge spend out.

Cath T- it is completely a luxury and I also have tried to convince myself I will save time by doing all my surveys etc when I'm free at work or stuck there all day rather than getting in and spending 2 hours on the computer doing them all.

Michelle- thats so true I think when u put yourself out at work u sometimes expect thanks and realistically its not going to come and I always seem to take this sort of thing personally. My current phone is rubbish and I probably wouldn't even use the phone bit much just the internet to try and make better use of my time. I really struggle getting in late, and my husband always looks forward to me getting in and I feel like I need some time in a dark room on my own! When I was off we had more quality time. You are so right about the plan, having the plan is my best way to get some 'certainty' and I like certainty. I couldn't hack my job before I had a baby so its no surprise I struggle now but I just felt if I could achieve something big the suffering would be worth while. If my plan had been over a longer period of time I'd of giving up long ago.

uzu- I think you're right about my parents because I felt I was 'given an opportunity' I wanted to take it up, we hardly go away either. We went away last december and 2 years before that but we tend to have infrequent good holidays because we have a house full of animals, last year the dogs went in kennels for the first time and my sister did the cats and I know she won't be volunteering again so next time I'll have to pay someone to stay in the house. So we are next planned for a BIG holiday once MF... I guess we have chosen to be extreme so it could be over quicker and I'd like another baby but I can't be battling with work again next time round. You are so right, so what if the mortgage is £50k we could do it on one income, I guess it just means being frugal forever whereas I like to think one day I can splash out, but perhaps I'm a bit too far gone down the ms route hehe

TYO- I am such a black and white thinker too, should I have been offered part time I probably would have paid a bit extra every month and left it at that and enjoyed life so I'm blaming my work for forcing me into a life of extreme living hehe. I completely agree with you 5/6 years is far too long to be miserable, I think in my head I can do 2, but really it would be nearly three if I then got pregnant but then you have a definate end date and that makes things so much easier. I think cake tins are certainly a necessity I love making cakes hehe- I console myself by thinking at 2 my little girl won't be too aware of the situation but at 5 it could all be over...

vl2588- do u know what I'm not even sure I ever want to go down the career route again! In my head I think I'll buy a lovely house and have a cattery or something... oh dear I can't be thinking about buying houses again just now, will get in a mess again

Right I think time to take little steps again and aim for a little piece at a time, first aim, get til end of year! You're alright, if its awful I can chuck it in and we've taken a huge chunk off and we should be happy with that achievement I think I get down sometimes and having good times off bring it all home, I feel like I've worked through this dilemma so many times but nothing ever changes so I only have myself to blame.

Lastly we have been waiting on some money from our holiday insurance, our underwater camera case got broke and we bought it for about £500 and only used it on two holidays, plus we were delayed back due to snow and after waiting a few hours for our luggage (with an airport taxi waiting) we then had to return the next day pay parking etc and collect it. We submitted the claim in january, any guesses on what we have received??? £24.50, because apparently they value it at £199 but less 50% in depreciation, less £75 excess, £24.50 I have to serious question the value of holiday insurance I must say....oh plus they don't cover costs incurred on the return journey... madness

Last payment tomorrow and will update

pammyj74

Wow at your work hours. That is really tough going. I work part time and dont have anyone to help with childcare, so when the kids have concerts and things like this week I feel awful that I ask for even more time off. If I dont go to the concert then I feel awful for that too. Work is at our really busy period too so even more of a cheek to ask
So you would be better to try and get some sort of part time job for when she is at school so you dont miss all those plays etc. I love the fact I can take them and pick them up from school.
It really pulls you both ways doesnt it. We need to work and pasify our bosses as well as our families. Is it even possible??
I'd like to run my own business from home like I saw a lady on some show had done. She imported ballet shoes in bulk and then sold them on ebay but the stock took over her house and garage lol. She ended up renting warehouse space. Thats progress!

gerbiljo

Hey Pammy, yeah I guess the hurry for me is that I feel I 'must' be able to attend these events like u say, and I know my work would never allow it, hence the aim being 2 years as my daughter will start school in 2013 and I feel I must be able to take her to school and pick her up, I want to know her friends and the tv she watches and know the other mums, the most I want to work is 2 days ideally. I want to be in a position so that if work say full time or nothing I can walk away instead of doing what I have been doing, having no mortgage will allow me to walk away. She will start preschool next year and I do not want to be the missing mum, I am concerned once she starts she'll need to go to bed early (most nights she stays up til about 10 or I don't see much of her) and I so want to be involved.

I too would love my own business, I think about this alot, how amazing to do something you love and for it to work so well. My job definately doesn't allow for a work life balance, part time elsewhere isn't impossible but I'm always scared of the unknown, hence always staying where I am and thinking getting the mortgage out the way will allow me to take some time out and then go back to work in a more relaxed way so if I hate it I can leave. Time will tell. Hopefully can update tomorrow with a slightly reduced balance

pammyj74

Exactly. I did think of working extra hours when the kids are a bit older, maybe at senior school, just a couple of hours a day so I am back in time for doing tea but then I think its not very nice for them to come home to an empty house. I think my life will revolve around the kids until they are at least 14 (another 5 years!)

My DDs friend goes to breakfast club and after school club every day. So she is at school at 7.45 and gets picked up from club at 6pm every day. They have an hour or so together before she goes to bed. I do feel sorry for the daughter who doesnt see her mum very much and I think her mum feels guilty too. That is a very long day for anyone never mind a young girl. At least your daughter is with family and you are very lucky to have that.
In a couple of years you will be even closer to being MF and maybe you could leave and live off one wage for the last hurdle of it?
Its that ever annoying life/work/live balance isnt it?

gerbiljo

You're so right I really don't want to be in the situation your daughters friends mum is in. To me I think I would rather sell our house and downsize than have her come home to an empty house, hopefully if I can stick at it then we can be all clear before those times. Also I'd hate to never get to see her teachers and find out how she's getting on etc. I think most of the time I'm too tired to realise what I'm missing but just being off the other day and having the one to one made me realise. More of that to come tho as we have the next 6 days off, so pleased to have some family time.

Back to mortgage, paid £80 off today so total is £74520, I'm hoping will get £20 off hubby tonight...if not will officially update tonight anyway.