help im love love with my friend

skintas_2

basically, ive been seeing/working him since august. ive never met anyone like him, he finishes of my sentances, and vice versa. we like the same things get on so well. hes got a partner and so have i. we are very close, we havent, slept togther or anything as we both have oh. the furthest it has gone is kiss on the cheek. we did talk about the other thing decided we cant do it as would be cheating. i just feel so confused. we hang out, even go shops togther, my other half knows he works with me, we talk on the phone etc, .his oh doesnt know how friendly we are. my oh invited him around her for dinner, he said he couldnt as she wouldnt like it as he was spending to much time with me. i can talk to him about my oh, and him to me about her. ive told him i love him, as a friend he said the same to me, i told him i dont love him, otherwise it would be i love you..i dont.. please help i feel so confused. its like we cant be aprt from each other, even if we just talk for hours.. yes i do feel bad i feel im cheating on my oh, then no i dont soemtiems as im not doin anything....i definetly know hes not leaving her for me and vice versa. i did think of ending this friendship ill really miss him..:(

Savvy_Sue

Once more, the old Chinese proverb springs to mind.

You can't stop the birds landing on your head, but you can stop them nesting there.

If you don't want to end your current relationship, stop letting this one take up so much time and emotional energy. Look for another job (I realise that might take a while). Stop phoning each other. Stop going shopping together. And stop kidding yourself that you haven't done anything until you've had sex - before you know it you'll be doing a Bill Clinton on us.

skintas_2

i know your right, we have actually been friends for last 12 years, since august we have become closer. i could never physically cheat on my oh, feel like i am emotionally. maybe it would be different if he female, because we could be togther all the time. like best friends and theyre would be no problem. that is the problem hes male..

Mupette

skintas wrote: »

i know your right, we have actually been friends for last 12 years, since august we have become closer. i could never physically cheat on my oh, feel like i am emotionally. maybe it would be different if he female, because we could be togther all the time. like best friends and theyre would be no problem. that is the problem hes male..

But you have discussed it with your friend.... i bet if you friend offered it on a plate you wouldn't say no.

Think how his oh feels.

Imagine if your oh had a female friend and did exacly what you do... would you cope / tolerate it.. really think long and hard, to go off with the friend would be very selfish of you,

Savvy_Sue

You ARE cheating on your OH emotionally, as is your 'friend'.

And why you imagine it would be OK to devote this much time and energy to a female friend, I'm not quite sure. I've seen enough marriages broken by same sex relationships to know it's still a danger.

Walk away.

MrsTinks

Make a choice - not saying it'll be an easy one but which of the 2 people do you value the most? Your OH or your friend? And remember being friends is one thing... being a couple with a former friend... is a different kettle of fish (been there, done that, have the hat, t-shirt and mug...)
Also assume that your friend might not actually want a relationship with you... do you feel it's worth risking your current OH over? Because I can't see him being understanding and taking you back...

Joelleski

Skintas, I feel for you. This was my story 6 years ago, with my best friend, I'd known him for over 10 years, we could talk about anything ... he's now my husband and we have been married for now for 5 years, and are ludicrously happy. It's a hard choice, but one you do have to make, but think carefully, the chap I was with at the time I knew wasn't right for me, and I did sort that out before I could go any further with my now husband. I wish you luck.

euronorris

Please, please be careful here.

I used to work with someone who was in a similar position to you. In the end, they both, drunkenly, had sex one night after a work event. Before all this they had discussed leaving partners for each other etc etc.

Anyway, long story short. She left her OH and he never did. He then cut the relationship with her as much as possible, asked his gf to marry him and not long after his wife was expecting her first child.

My friend, on the other hand, had left her partner, lost a friend and had to find a new job because she had got it so, so, so wrong.

If you're feelings are that strong, I would suggest taking some time for yourself, away from them both to think things through clearly. After that you need to either commit to your current partner, and respect him by ending this 'friendship' now, or you leave him.

If you do leave him, it shouldn't be 'for' the other guy. It should be because you believe that your current partner isn't the right guy for you. Otherwise, you could be setting yourself up for a big, big fall.

Either way, the current situation cannot continue. You are cheating on your partner, emotionally, as others have said. Would you feel that your partner wasn't doing anything wrong, if it was the other way around? I doubt it, I know I would be livid!

Ivrytwr3

keep your knickers on and and take a good hard look at what you are doing. How would you feel if it was your OH doing this to you or he felt this way about another woman? Very hurt i would guess.

Either dump your OH and make a go of it with other guy, or tell other guy to back off and give your current relationship 100%.

Actually forget all that, shag the the other guy, because when it all goes wrong (and it will) you'll be left with nothing or the 'always in the back of your mind thought' "well he cheated on his girlfriend with me, is he goingto/is cheating on me".

A relationship founded on lies and cheating; you deserve to be with other!!

soupface

Yeah, you have to make a choice. I have random, probably inappropriate crushes on other people all the time because I'm a disgusting flirt, but (so far!) I've never wanted anyone more than I want to be with my long-term partner. If you DO want to be with your friend more than with your OH, and you seriously think you'd be better together, happier, etc., then you're half way there.

But as other posters have said, it may be more complicated for your friend. He might not leave his OH. He might take forever deciding whether or not to leave her. He might leave her and then feel horribly guilty. Basically, you can't split up with your OH just for your friend. Do it because you could be happier with someone else, or your OH isn't doing it for you anymore. OR don't split up with your OH at all and try to reconnect with him. If you feel like you started out with something that you've lost, you can try to find it again.

Indie_Kid

skintas wrote: »

i know your right, we have actually been friends for last 12 years, since august we have become closer. i could never physically cheat on my oh, feel like i am emotionally. maybe it would be different if he female, because we could be togther all the time. like best friends and theyre would be no problem. that is the problem hes male..

Being male isn't the problem. It's possible to be close friends with someone of the opposite sex and there be nothing more to it.

I'm close to one of my male friends - but that's it. There is nothing more to it.