Rude family members

sunshine_shell

My boyfriends Dad makes cruel comments about my weight and i used to ignore him. Then one day it got to much and i burst into tears told him to f*ck off and take a good luck at himself!! My Boyfriend went to have a word and told him to leave me alone and his dad said that he was only trying to ''gee'' me into losing weight!! i'll do it in my own time thanks and when i did lose my first stone he didn't even say well done.

Some people are just mean and sad

There_Goes_Trouble

yoni_one wrote: »

How about saying something like 'to avoid any problems, I know you wouldn't want to deliberately hurt or offend me so it is only fair to let you know that I actually do feel hurt when you make uninvited references to my weight or the amount of food my son eats so as tempted as you may be to offer words of advice, would you please keep those thoughts to yourself? Thank you '

Take ownership of your feelings and try and express without confrontation how you feel when they say these things to you. If they say you are oversensitive you can agree if necessary but ask them to be mindful of it please? You have no more desire to offend them than you hope they have to offend you.

I'd go with this approach too, but maybe slightly less verbose. It makes the other person feel guilty for upsetting you and so more likely to back off.

I'd go along the lines of...

Would you mind not commenting about my weight please, because I find it really hurtful and upsetting. I will deal with it in my own time and in my own way and I will ask if I would like your advice.

thebaileys

sunshine_shell wrote: »

My boyfriends Dad makes cruel comments about my weight and i used to ignore him. Then one day it got to much and i burst into tears told him to f*ck off and take a good luck at himself!! My Boyfriend went to have a word and told him to leave me alone and his dad said that he was only trying to ''gee'' me into losing weight!! i'll do it in my own time thanks and when i did lose my first stone he didn't even say well done.

Some people are just mean and sad

Good on you x Some people have nothing better to do than pick on others.

Most of the time they need to take a step back and look at there own lives.

Typical though isn't it, him trying to turn it around and say he was trying to help you!!! grrrr

Janey3

Sister in Law is still probably on a "high" after having lost her weight and is determined to pass on her new found knowledge re diet and exercise etc.,


As for the other family members I would tell them straight, that your weight increase was due to illness, but now you are all sorted and progressing well with weight loss.

I know it must be hurtful to hear these rude remarks, but I would try to rise above it.

yoni_one

tandraig wrote: »

or to put it more succinctly - tell them to eff off and mind their own business!

er - are you for real yoni-one? no-one talks like that in my world!!!

:rotfl: actually yes I am for real, and I talk like in my world when I am unhappy with the way I am being treated.

It works for me and I find that by challenging people in this way I am direct, take ownership of my feelings, and more often than not it puts an end to their less than subtle side swipes.

It isn't ok with me for someone to be rude to me and I prefer this option rather than just taking it or being rude back. :beer:

mountainofdebt

Can remember the exact quote but when Winston Churchill was told he was drunk he replied with 'yes I am but in the morning I will be sober and you madam will still be ugly'

I know my sister came out and ask me how much weight I had put on and for me that was being rude beyond belief - especially as she said it front of a number of family members.

As for as the OP is concerned, I think I would just make a comment to the effect that its surprising how many medicines have the side effect of weight gain - as for comemnts re your son I would say that he obviously needs to eat more because of the amount of exercise he does....and if he ate less then he'd be in danger of being underweight for his height which is as dangerous as being overweight

Mrs_Imp

As Janey3 says, maybe she's just keen to pass on her new found knowledge. She knows what it's like to be overweight, and how she feels since she's lost weight. Perhaps she's just trying to encourage you not to get to where she was before she lost weight, and just isn't as tactful as you are.

Take her out for a coffee and let her know that you've been a bit unwell, and ask her if she has any weight loss tips. You should find that you get less hassle from her.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I had my thyroid removed and put on 4 stone - im now on correct tablets etc and lost 3 stone. Whenever anyone said anything about my weight i would make a sarcastic comment back about them. (because im a cow basically lol)

But i have the upper hand - the friend who was a size 10 and was constantly on my case for my weight has now shot up in weight and is struggling (i know i shouldnt find this funny but after months of "you cant wear THAT your HUGE - Dont think im going out with you looking like that" etc it amuses me

msb5262

"the friend who was a size 10 and was constantly on my case for my weight has now shot up in weight and is struggling (i know i shouldnt find this funny but after months of "you cant wear THAT your HUGE - Dont think im going out with you looking like that" etc..." (quote from mommyme post #21)

Hi mommyme,

I'm a little puzzled by your use of the word "friend" for anyone who treats you like this!

A friend's role is to support you and to tell you unpalatable truths if you ask for her opinion.
It's not to put you down, nag you or make you feel bad about yourself.
I think it's pretty sad that she has done this to you and I can understand your feeling quite smug that she is now the one who is struggling. Maybe this will give you an opportunity to point out how unhelpful and unkind she's been...?

MsB

elfen

mountain - the quote goes that a womna came up to Winston Churchill and told him he was drunk, and he replied "Yes madam, I may be drunk, but you are ugly. When I wake up I'll be sober and you'll still be ugly" (or something like that)

OP, next time they say anything just tell them, yes, you're a bit big, but they're a bit stupid, and you can lose weight, however they'll be waiting forever or a brain transplant